


Uphill battle

by I_did_not_mean_to



Series: Rewrite history [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Grofflin, Hate Crimes, Long, M/M, Made-Up, Nonsense, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Polemic, Reference to bigotry, Series, Sex, Smut, Teasing, Violence, assplay, blatant racism, factually incorrect, reference to racism, relationships, vulgar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 81,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24894241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_did_not_mean_to/pseuds/I_did_not_mean_to
Summary: Second part of this story...So how did those love stories go on? If you want to find out, stay with me for a little longer.Usual Disclaimer: All of this has been fabricated by one person who does NOT know any of the involved people. Nothing of it is true and there will be continuity errors (as I've written this at a different time than the story takes place).Also, English is my fifth language, so be lenient with me when it comes to errors and mistakes and clumsy expressions. Thank you <3
Relationships: Jonathan Groff/Lin-Manuel Miranda
Series: Rewrite history [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1510208
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And here I am...back back back again :)

1

God, she was tired to the bone.

“Landed in Washington. TSA gave me all kinds of grief. So over this.” Catherina typed while dragging her luggage through the airport.

It had been a hard few weeks, flying all over Europe, getting in touch with different foundations and associations, political parties and business partners of her father’s.

She was homesick and yearned to return to New York where Elena was waiting for her.

Summer had come and gone, and autumn was creeping into the landscape in its golden robes. Catherina had always loved the fall, but usually she would sit in her father’s estate and look out over the endless fields and forests of England.

“Can’t wait. Why are these last two days sooooo endless? Jon is coming home tomorrow.” Catherina read the reply and dialled Elena’s number, because she needed to hear her voice now, to hear her say those names aloud.

It had been too long since she had last laid eyes upon Jonathan.

“Hey.” A crunching sound and noise in the background as Elena picked up her phone.

“Sorry, I’m at a bar with Lin. We’re getting drunk to avoid losing our minds on this last stretch to reunion.” Elena chuckled and Catherina could hear the swishing liquid that was running out of the glass and down her throat.

“Lin…Jonathan.” Catherina murmured, stopping in the middle of the entrance to take a deep breath. She had spent her last months flying from New York to all kinds of places and Jonathan had been filming, so she hadn’t seen him in forever.

“Yes…You remember them? Average looking dudes with nice voices? Wait, I’ll send you a pic.” Elena giggled, clearly tipsy, and Catherina lifted her phone away from her face to look at the picture she had just received.

It was a private one, a candid one, of Lin talking animatedly while sitting on her couch, his legs on Jonathan’s lap, who, in turn, listened to Lin in rapt silence.

Tears sprang to Catherina’s eyes. She had avoided thinking too much about them because she knew that it would cripple her with homesickness and longing.

It was the middle of the night and she was tired, she hadn’t properly slept in days and she couldn’t even say if she was supposed to be sleeping at this moment or not.

She felt drained and lonely and small and she hated it.

“Reina? Are you still there? When will you be back?” Elena spoke and even though the line crackled a tiny bit, her voice was loud and clear.

“I guess the day after tomorrow? I have another meeting tomorrow and I don’t know how long it will take?” Catherina retorted, stifling a yawn and waving to a cab to take her to her hotel.

She would have preferred to stay with Cal, but he was in Switzerland with Marie and wouldn’t be back before tomorrow himself.

She missed her brother and she missed her dogs.

“Alright…When you come home, I need to have you all for myself for a bit, but then we can have dinner with our favourite gay songbirds, no?” Elena spoke again, just a tad too loud and Catherina smiled, the desire to be with her in the noisy bar so overwhelming that it drove tears to her eyes.

It was so damn difficult to be a grown-up and her dreams demanded not only a lot of work but also a ton of time. It was worth it, Catherina thought, it would all be worth it.

The house had been turned into an orphanage and Elena and herself had purchased the lovely little house in the Heights, but they hadn’t had time to properly move in yet with Catherina being away all the time and Elena having to work.

Caleb oversaw the renovation of the old building she would turn into her school and Jeff had made good on his promise to support that project financially. Everything went well, better than well, and her dreams started to turn into realities and yet, Catherina was weary.

She needed a break, she needed to sleep again, to be herself again.

Tired of being a businesswoman, all she wanted right now was to cuddle with Elena and watch a rerun of their favourite shows or cook together.

“I miss you all so much, I could cry.” She sobbed into the phone and after a small commotion, Lin’s voice was heard.

“Hey Catherina. How are you? We miss you too. Soon, soon, you’ll be back and my love will be back and we’ll all be together again. I can’t wait.”

He also sounded tipsy, but it was so good to hear that growly voice and imagine his dishevelled hair and his dark, burning eyes.

“I love you. I can’t wait.” Catherina replied in a pressed voice which got an “Awww. Me too, baby.” out of Lin and then it was Elena back on the line, screaming her love into the receiver.

Catherina was standing in front of the reception desk by now, communicating wordlessly with the tired teenager who stood behind the counter and looked at her with what could only be described as pity.

Taking her room card with an apologetic smile, Catherina went up to her room, slammed her suitcase into the corner and dropped onto the bed.

“You should get some sleep, love. See you soon? I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m proud of you.” Elena hummed into the phone and as soon as she had hung up, she started sending selfies of herself and Lin.

Catherina took a shower and allowed herself 5 minutes of weakness, cowering in the bathtub and crying her heart out.

She then straightened her back, towelled her hair dry and climbed into the cold, impersonal bed, sure that she wouldn’t sleep well here.

There had been too many of these beds in the last weeks and months and not enough relaxed evenings in the arms of the woman she loved.

Again, she thought back on that evening after the Hamilton performance. Caleb had brought Marie and they had danced as if the world didn’t exist.

Catherina had drunk and laughed and kissed Elena until they were both out of breath and promises had been made, dates set for celebrations, numbers exchanged and tears shed.

Her eyes sore and swollen from fatigue and crying, Catherina strained to focus on the pictures on her phone. Ant and his vase. Oak doing some insane sports. Lin in California waiting for Jonathan. Jonathan all serious in a suit.

They had kept their word and sent Catherina many updates on their lives, where they were and what they did, and never had they been annoyed or despondent.

God, how she missed them, she would have paid any price not to be alone this night.

“You coming home?” She wrote Jonathan and not a second later, he replied: “Yup, you 2?”

And then: “Can’t sleep? Me neither.” The sad smileys behind the text made Catherina smile wryly, Jonathan, as ever, understood her.

“Just arrived in D.C. from Paris. I am dead on my feet. Can’t sleep. Need to be home.” She replied and he agreed with her.

Her mind conjured up the memory of his scent, of his smile, of his warmth and she felt as if someone was physically tearing her apart, as if ice-cold fingers were cracking open her ribcage and splitting it slowly to grasp her heart and squash it mercilessly.

“Can’t wait to see you. Lin said he met you in London.”

Ah yes, too long ago if you asked Catherina, those stolen moments in a coffee shop in London, the surprise, the relief, the love.

“Lin said he visited you in L.A.” She replied, adding an emoji sticking out his tongue.

“Yeah…I miss him. Really can’t wait to be back in the city.” Came the reply, complete with smiling and crying emojis.

“Me too, man, me too. See you <3.” Catherina wrote back, put away her phone and stared at the ceiling, pining for home, for her love, for her friends, for her private life.

Funny how she had never considered or cherished the luxury of a private life before, at the time when her whole life was the indulgent dream of a rich girl.

She wished for sleep to come to her, so tomorrow would be there quicker, and with it the meeting and the chance to go finally home and stay there for a bit.

After having argued, pleaded, threatened and bullied, she had made contact with most of the people she wanted to get into the boat and from now on, all the others would be welcome to come knock on her door and ask to see her.

And the vultures would come, those who thought her weak and naïve and who sought to take advantage of her, they would flock to her door to get a part of the cake that she dished out so freely.

Already, right-wing groups called for her assassination because they thought that she invested too much money into “inferior” people rather than just hand it to white supremacists and gun-monkeys.

“By picking your friends, you pick your enemies as well.” She heard her father inside her mind and in this, she agreed with him. You couldn’t please everybody and just by taking a stand and having a stance on things, you miffed those who were of the opposite opinion.

It would be worth it. It had to. 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This chapter will contain a (hate) crime.  
> If you are sensitive, please do skip this chapter. It is not very graphic, but I prefer to warn you that it will be (once again) slightly polemic. 
> 
> Good reading and thanks for my first kudo already, love you all tons and tons

2

Lin woke up with the worst headache ever, but he jumped out of bed nonetheless.

Grabbing his dirty clothes and shoving them into the laundry basket, filling the dishwasher and turning it on, sipping on a cup of coffee that waited for him on the counter, he did a last inspection of the apartment they would soon leave together to move into a house in his old neighbourhood.

“Can’t have him think that I lived like a caveman while he was away.” Lin murmured to himself, busying himself with mundane chores because he knew there was no way to go back to sleep and if he was to sit around and wait for Jonathan’s arrival, he’d go mad before.

He toyed with melodies and words in his mind while giving the bathroom a quick once-over, sang along to Disney songs while changing the sheets and jammed to some old-school hip-hop while mopping the floors.

Hardly able to contain his anticipation, he had to focus to keep himself from bouncing off the walls.

The doorbell rang and he opened the door to Elena who strode in, carrying two big brown paper bags in her toned arms.

“Well done, Miranda.” She whistled as she saw that he had cleaned the apartment. Humming along to the music in the background, she started putting away the grocery shopping she had done for him. Elena would never have admitted it, but she loved grocery shopping to the point that she did it for other people as well.

Lin indulged her in this, mostly because he’d otherwise forget it half of the time and then eat nothing but trash or nothing at all.

“You’re an angel.” He sighed and kissed the back of her hand gallantly.

“You are a dumbass, Lin.” She replied and pressed a loud, smacking kiss on his head.

He looked positively shaggy and she wondered if he was growing his hair out again. Shrugging she decided that she could get on board with that, she had never minded his long hair and thought that it suited him well. It made him look as artsy as he indeed was.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she leant against the counter and watched Lin fret and fiddle, obviously driven by that nervous energy that kept him going.

It was high time Jonathan came back, she thought, he was one of the only people who got Lin to slow down and the dark circles under her friend’s eyes looked like bruises today, his skin ashen and blotchy, his whole appearance telling a story of neglect, too much coffee and too little sleep.

Just like Catherina, Lin was single-mindedly stubborn and in a weird way ambitious. If they were not given something to distract them from working non-stop, they wouldn’t. And the thing most distracting to Lin was that doughy, awkward oaf of a human puppy that was Jonathan Groff.

The vehemence of her thoughts and the slight mean streak revealed how much she missed Jon and how desperately she didn’t want to show it.

Her own head was pounding and she was grumpy and tired. Somewhere, she both despised and envied Lin simultaneously for being in such a cheery mood when she was ready to tear the whole world asunder in her discontent.

“Cheer up. Less than 24 hours.” Lin chimed. To Elena, those hours could have been years.

Lin’s optimism was grating, so she went home to sit on the floor in the absence of an actual couch, that was inside the van, outside the house she shared with the ever-absent Catherina and moped.

Jonathan was full of trepidation and wriggled in his seat so much that even the toddler across the aisle looked slightly judgemental.

He didn’t care, as soon as this goddamn plane hit the tarmac, he would shoot out, into a cab and to his apartment.

Blushing, he admitted that Lin could do anything he wanted to him except make him wait because he was pretty convinced that he couldn’t take it.

He had been busy and he had been lonely, but fidelity was important and anyway nothing had been nearly tempting enough, not even his own hands most of the time.

Many a night he had cursed Lin for having spoiled him rotten, ruining the casual pleasure of masturbation by leaving the lingering ghosts of his touches in Jonathan’s memory. How could he live up to the precedents set by Lin’s enthusiasm, his curiosity, his hunger?

And orgasming was never the same when he couldn’t share the moment with Lin, when he couldn’t see his eyes sparkle with fireworks of pure light in the blackness of his eyes, when he couldn’t cling to that silky skin as to a lifeline.

God, he missed him and now the fucking plane took forever to land and he must have looked like someone who desperately needed the restroom, fidgeting and squirming in his seat, desperate to get out.

The stewardess checked in on him a few times and he explained that he was just eager to go home, that no, he was not frightened and he did not have a medical emergency.

Finally, the tiny wheels touched the ground and the plane rolled to a halt.

It took everything he had in him to be polite and wait for the mothers to get their kids and the old people to get their hand luggage before he could breathe in the cool New York air.

Autumn had come and he would see Lin in his oversized sweaters and beanies, he would see Lin shivering at the open window with his cup of coffee in the morning and he would get to kiss his cold nose on long walks along the water.

“Landed.” The sent status was immediately followed by the little dots signalling that Lin was replying to his message.

“Should I pick you up?” – “No, wait for me at home. Don’t bother with clothing.”

Smirking, Jonathan stood in line to retrieve his suitcase, cursing himself for checking it in and not having it sent to the apartment. He didn’t even need it and now it made him lose time.

When he caught sight of it, he plunged towards it, shoving an elderly Latina and apologizing profusely in his butchered, rocky Spanish which made her smile.

Almost home.

He would walk around the building to find a spot that was less crowded to get a cab that would probably take forever to get through the traffic and would cost him dearly, but he was beyond caring.

“Hey faggot.” He didn’t want to, but he turned around instinctively to see a group of young people walking towards him, their eyes on his bag and suitcase.

There was a hunger in their eyes that he didn’t like, a recklessness born out of the indifference the world showed to their plight and he wanted to offer them his money if they only let him go.

“Hey pretty white boy. What do you have there?” One of the youths asked and Jonathan scoffed as he thought of his dirty underwear and his crumpled-up clothes that he had simply tossed into the suitcase before leaving. He was sure some of his socks still lay lonely and forgotten under the bed of his hotel room and he didn’t care a bit.

They closed in around him, encircling and trapping him.

“This is not your lucky day.” The leader of the gang snarled and Jonathan wanted to disagree, he was about to see Lin, he was about to find Lin naked and glorious in the bed he had missed so much, so yes, this was supposed to be his lucky day.

“Hey, you can have whatever you want, man. Just let me go home to…”

The punch made him topple over and he tasted blood in his mouth as the young men started kicking him.

At some point, he felt something cold and sharp enter his body, right between his ribs, a small spot of burning pain and then he didn’t feel anything anymore.

“Leave the picture.” He heard a voice through the haze of his pain and the unconsciousness that was slowly creeping in, gnawing at the edges of his perception like a flame.

Lin, he was about to see Lin, he thought, angry at the delay, bleeding on the cold stone.

He had been on time, Lin was waiting for him, he had only wanted to save a few minutes, Lin…

“Hello?” Lin picked up his phone without checking the caller ID.

It was a nurse, saying he was saved as the emergency contact of a patient just admitted.

“Vanessa?” He asked, breathless, his mind flying to his sons, to his family.

“No, a tall blonde man. Mid-thirties, I’d say. Might have been good-looking, hard to say…”

“Jon.” He sounded as if his mouth, his throat, his whole body was full of gravel.

He was given the name of the hospital, threw on the first clothes he found and ran out the door.

They didn’t let him see Jonathan. He was not family.

He cried, he pleaded, he argued, but in vain.

His eyes fell on a golden plaque on the wall on which a familiar name could be read through the grainy film fatigue and tears had pulled over his eyes.

In a desperate last try, he dialled Catherina’s number.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another rather emotional chapter, not exactly light-hearted and once again a little dramatic.  
> Enjoy...

3

Caleb looked half-dead as well, Catherina thought as she cleared her throat to open the meeting with her father’s business partners and the shareholders of some of his American enterprises.

Her phone started ringing, but she ignored it.

Two sentences in, it still rang and she checked the caller ID. Lin. Lin had called 5 times now.

“Excuse me for a moment.” She said with a smile and picked up as she left the room.

“They won’t let me see him.” Lin sobbed into the phone.

“What? What has happened? Calm down. What is it?”

Lin told her that he had been called because they had brought Jon to the hospital and now, nobody wanted to tell him what was going on. The police were there. And tons of doctors.

He was hysterical and unlike Catherina, Lin rarely was.

“Which hospital?” She asked, swallowing compulsively to keep the tears at bay.

He told her and she promised to call him back as soon as she knew more.

William B. Seymour was about to go on a smoke break between two consultations when Catherina called.

She asked about a patient in the emergency room and when he heard the distress in her voice, he turned around and walked towards the E.R. to check on that person.

He had known Catherina for a long time, she had made generous donations to the hospital after her father had been treated there and she was a good person. He owed her that much, because when the head-nurse had given birth, she had sent a card and a gift and when he had made chief of cardio-thoracic surgery, she had congratulated him in person.

After making discreet inquiries, he picked up his phone again and spoke:

“Yeah, the man has been brought in an hour ago or so. It seems he was beaten up, broken ribs, concussion, a puncture wound that looks like it has been made by a switchblade. A lot of expectoration as well, not his, as far as we can tell. He’s in a bad shape.”

He heard her draw her breath in sharply, a faint banging as she tumbled against a wall for support, then her calm, pressed voice:

“The guy who’s screaming his head off? He’s the boyfriend. As soon as it’s possible and safe for someone to be with the patient, let him in, yeah? Do me that favour.” She pleaded.

“The police are there?” She then went on and when Will acquiesced, she rumbled:

“Ask the man, Lin is his name, short Puerto Rican, very wordy, for all the information. Call the bank to block the cards, box everything…” Her voice trailed off.

“I will. Catherina? I will speak to the man myself and give the information to the police.”

William was surprised to say the least, he didn’t know that Catherina was the kind of person to have friends who went to hospital after being physically assaulted in such a vicious manner.

“Will? If they get him a room, make sure it’s top-notch. You know I’m good for the money. Put it on me, I beg of you.”

“Family of yours?” William asked in jest and jerked back when Catherina replied with a single, firm and unequivocal “yes” to that question.

“I will take the next flight home.” She concluded, a threatening tone in her voice, she would check up on everything she had asked him to do and he was not going to disappoint someone who had been that generous to both him and the hospital.

“Gentlemen…I have to leave. Family emergency.” Catherina declared in a clipped tone as she re-entered the conference room and waved to Caleb to get her a cab while she already collected her papers.

“We have to reschedule this meeting. My sincerest apologies.” She didn’t even look up at the elderly man who all stared at Caleb who, as far as they knew, was Catherina’s only living relative.

“Cat? What has happened?” Cal came back, having called the company and now helped his sister to get her briefcase closed.

“Jonathan is in hospital.” She said tonelessly, barely moving any part of her face out of fear to break down in front of people who needed to see her as a strong and fearless leader.

“Okay, I’m coming.” Caleb had left his own suitcase at the door and now grabbed it.

It was a good thing, that Catherina hadn’t unpacked anything for while Caleb payed her hotel bill, she just snapped it shut and dragged it along the corridor with wild determination.

Her phone rang again, she had forgotten to call back Lin, damn.

It was Elena though and she picked up, locking the phone under her jaw and pinning it to her shoulder while trying to call the elevator and dragging the suitcase along.

“Reina?” Elena was sobbing, another thing she didn’t hear every day and which made her feel a thousand times worse.

“They say, they’re letting us in as soon as he’s stable. I’m sorry. We didn’t want to interrupt your meeting. Lin says thank you for your intervention, a cardiologist was here and has talked to us, promising to keep us apprised of any changes in Jon’s condition.”

“Fuck the meeting. I’m coming home. I’m sorry I didn’t call back.” Catherina huffed into the phone, dropping it, cursing and putting it back to her ear.

Caleb awaited her downstairs, took her suitcase and led her to the waiting cab.

“It’s disgusting. All of a sudden, they’re all nice to us. The police were here to ask us about Jon, they didn’t give a wet fart before you called.”

Catherina flinched, but sighed that for once she could put the clout her father had had to good use.

A rustling sound, then William: “Are these the people you meant? Who is the young lady?”

“That’s my woman. This is family, Will. And you know, I take care of my family. I expect you to do the same…” She grumbled into the phone, still suppressing sobs.

“Aye Aye Sir.” William laughed wryly, noting on the digital patient sheet that the good man was to have the very best of care.

He took the attending doctor aside and also informed him of the personal involvement of a major benefactor of the hospital. The woman had tears in her eyes, her dusky skin flushed with anger when she whispered: “They’ve done him real nasty, Will.”

“I know Selm, I know. Take good care of him.” With that he returned to his own patients but not without stopping beside Lin and Elena.

“I have no idea who you are, but Catherina is on her way here. I promise that all will be well.”

With that, he walked along the rubber hallways, wondering about the world outside this hospital that he constantly missed and the fawning of the nurses.

The patient was in no real danger, but he would be rather broken upon waking. Poor man, William thought and then slipped back into the only world he knew and cared for.

Catherina sent the cab with the suitcases to the house, hoping that Dolores would be there to take them in.

She ran into the hospital, her heels clicking on the floor, past the reception and into the waiting room of the E.R., where, by that time, a group of people had assembled.

Vanessa was shushing a still crying Lin, Elena was talking in a low voice to Oak and then jumped up as she saw Catherina arrive, her hair flying behind her, Caleb hard on her heels.

Before she could fall into the arms of her friends though, she was intercepted by a doctor who gave her an update as if she had any say over Jonathan.

“I called his family.” Lin sobbed and threw a glance at the huge clock on the white wall behind Catherina.

It must have been hard to do that, Catherina thought, for they had not exactly gone public with their relationship and there was still a risk that this was a hate-crime.

She thought again of the white supremacists and of the right-wing leaders who wanted to cull everyone who wasn’t like them. And of the millions of disillusioned young people living on the streets to survive.

“I think you can go in now…” The doctor said to the group after she got an update from the attending nurse.

Her heart bled for this ragtag group of people in various states of disarray with none of them dressed properly with the exception of Catherina who was wearing a business suit painfully unsuited for the occasion.

The small Latino man who had been the first to arrive didn’t even wear socks and as far as she could tell, no underwear either.

If what William had said was true, he was the partner of the patient and she could only imagine the pain and frustration he must have felt when visitation was denied to him.

With one last look at Catherina, she hoped that she wouldn’t live to regret having bent the laws and rules a tad to let them in, but the man was about to wake up and she, for one, was convinced that nothing helped a person recover more quickly and completely than to see the faces of the people one loved upon waking up from a nightmare such as this.

She wasn’t a monster. Why should a man who had been beaten, trampled, spit upon and robbed wake up all alone and isolated when behind a glass door people were weeping for him?

 _Let them comfort each other_ , she thought, and opened the door to the room.

When she saw them stagger back, gasp and tremble at the horrible sight of the purplish bruises covering the face of the patient, she knew with absolute certainty, that they all would need every inch of comfort they could get.

Closing the door behind her firmly again, she dispatched a nurse to stand vigil at the door to give all those people a moment of peace.

Violent crimes were the worst, because the patient was not only a patient who didn’t know how he had ended up here but also a victim, often disturbed, ashamed and frightened.

Hospitals were a lonely place and she would do what she could to make them less so.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very soppy, teary, kitschy chapter today...  
> Sorry for slipping into 5 pence train station novelette realms. 
> 
> Enjoy nonetheless...XXX

4

“He has not yet had surgery, so we should all endeavour to keep him calm. He’s been sedated heavily and we had to leave the puncture wound open.”

She consulted the X-rays and sighed: “We’ll have to go in, I think. The blade nicked the rib and bounced off it; the good news is that none of the organs were damaged, the bad news is that we’ll have to remove a splinter of bone lodged in the tissue.”

Seeing their wide eyes, she added: “He’ll be alright. Physically, at least.”

She stepped to the bed and shone her pen flashlight into Jonathan’s eyes. “He’ll come around in a few moments…Remember, keep him calm.” She warned and started calling him softly, in that measured, professional voice that disguised her own pity.

Jonathan struggled. Waking up had always felt like walking through a curtain of mist and shadow that parted before his steps, but in this moment, he was walking through a hailstorm of daggers and cannonballs, piercing his skin and battering his bones with every inch he advanced and so he recoiled, lingering at the edge of consciousness, put off by the pain lurking at the other side of the blazing fabric in front of his outstretched hands.

Someone was speaking his name but he was unwilling to heed the call, to push through the agony awaiting him and so, he hesitated on the brink of waking up.

“Jon, my love? Please.” Lin, he had been about to see Lin.

He would see Lin. He plunged through the curtain, his skin being ripped off in the process and his bones shattered, but he made it through and woke up gasping for air.

His lids fluttered open and his eyes focused on the face of a South-Asian woman, bent over him and flashing a light into his eyes.

He felt as if his head was filled with a thousand shards of glass and that beam set every single broken piece on fire, sent them dancing against the confines of his skull and the pain was too much to bear.

“Stay with us, Mister Groff.” Mercifully, she took the light away and he reopened his eyes carefully.

His gaze shifted from her neutral but not unfriendly face to Lin’s. God, he looked terrible.

The dark shadows under his eyes would have swallowed them completely, blending with the blackness of his irises if it hadn’t been for the bloodshot rims, the swelling and the wetness that made those glorious eyes look like bleeding, festering sores in a pale, drawn face.

“Lin.” It was an assessment, a plea, a prayer, a mantra. A single word. One syllable. A whole life.

“Oh, baby, my beautiful boy.” Lin sobbed and in a fit of vanity, Jonathan lifted a hand to his face, feeling the bandages and the swelling and sending a jolt of pain through his midsection.

Then he took in the scene, Catherina, in her business attire, stern and pale.

Elena, in what could only be pyjamas, her hair a rat’s nest and her white face streaked with tears.

Oak, rubbing his hands frantically as if he didn’t know what to do with them.

And Vanessa, standing against the wall, looking at him with caution and motherly empathy.

She wondered herself why she was here, feeling like an intruder, but Lin had called, in tears saying he could not take the kids the next days because Jonathan was in hospital and so, she had come here to be there for her best friend.

“Hello.” Jonathan smiled shyly into the round and all of a sudden, the babbling started, words of love and of comfort poured over him, dousing the burning fire in his body with cooling solace that felt like a balm.

“I’m sorry for being late, I was…held up.” Jonathan gave Lin a lopsided smile, forcing it on his lips despite the pain ravaging his body, because his mind was at rest.

Someone tapped on the door and Catherina stepped out to confer with the police officer waiting for her with a serious look on his face.

“We have secured all the evidence that we could. It should be easy enough to get the guys who have done this to be honest. They’ve left traces of DNA and they assaulted the vic at the airport…there are tons of cameras.” The officer shrugged and looked through the glass pane, shaking his head slowly.

“As far as we can tell they were a group of young men who were looking for trouble.”

Catherina hugged herself, desperate to chase the cold and the fatigue, but she felt herself crumble inside her skin. She was so tired, but the shock had rattled all her bones and she was under the impression to be a tiny marble being tossed around inside a body that wasn’t hers.

The officer straightened his back, he took no pleasure in telling the small woman in front of him this, but it was his duty, so he cleared his throat and said: “We have the suspicion that it might be a hate-crime. The word “faggot” has fallen anyway. Do you happen to know if that…if there could be any reason for that kind of insult?”

Catherina stiffened as well, but she lifted her chin up defiantly and stared the officer right in the eye as she replied: “Jon is openly gay, yes. He’s also very prim, so it might just have been a random insult to a well-groomed male. I don’t know.”

“We’ll look into it. We’ll have to talk to the victim as well.”

Unconsciously, Catherina shifted to the door, barring the passage with her tiny body.

“After surgery then.” She declared decisively and the officer nodded as this was exactly what the young doctor had told him.

“Alright. Just doing my work, ma’am.” He responded and decided to fill out some paperwork in the meantime.

“What was it?” Elena asked when Catherina walked back into the room.

“Police.” Catherina shrugged and saw Vanessa slip out of the room to catch the officer before he left. She was a lawyer after all, maybe she could be of more use than herself.

“What about your meeting, then?” Elena went on, hugging Catherina fiercely, happy to have her back despite the circumstances.

“I never had that meeting. You called as I was about to start…Cal and me just left to be honest.” Catherina explained and felt the eyes of all the other people in the room on her.

“You came back for this? Oh, but…” Jonathan looked crestfallen as if he had done something terrible that was detrimental to Catherina.

She took his hand gingerly and bent over it, breathing a kiss upon the scraped and bruised knuckles. “Do you remember how you offered me to be my family? Do you remember my answer?” She then said, still holding his hand, her fingertips twitching against his cold palm.

“You said yes. Awww, Catherina.” His smile was warm and genuine and at the mere idea of never seeing that smile again in her life, the tension broke and she fell to her knees, sobbing passionately.

“Finally.” Caleb sighed as he sat down on the floor next to his sister, rubbing her back tenderly. Catherina was the crying kind, always had been, and yet, since she had gotten the news, she had been her professional self, going through the necessary motions with cold efficiency.

He had seen her heart breaking, had practically heard the dull rattling of the shatters inside her chest when she moved and still, she had put on the stubborn, brave face he had known for so long.

“I am very much alive, Catherina. I’m fine. Don’t cry, hush, little one.” Jonathan craned his neck to get a glimpse of the heap of finest silk and linen on the floor in which the fierce heart of a small woman pumped out held-back anger and fear in spasms.

“Oak?” He then turned to his friend, who, as he had done many times before, just scooped up Catherina and held her cradled until she had calmed down.

This was Catherina’s nightmare, the loss of something pure, of something she really loved.

She had lost people, had lost her father almost a year ago to old age and her husband to indifference, but this was different.

“I couldn’t bear it.” She sobbed, knowing how selfish she was being at this very moment.

“Neither could I.” Jonathan chuckled, a sound cut short by the pain it provoked in his ribcage and the blood seeping through the hospital gown.

“It’s time to get that wound looked after, Mister Groff.” The doctor announced and nodded to the people in the room.

“The nurse will come and take you to the room where the good Sir will be returned to you shortly.”

They all nodded and Jonathan said cheerily: “See you all in a few. Don’t worry, I’ll be back. I was so looking forward to being here with you again, nothing will keep me from doing just that. Stop crying. All of you. I’m fine. I’m home again.”

And with those upbeat words, he was rolled out of the room.

“They will have to keep him here over night, to observe him. It might still be that he has internal haemorrhaging or that the concussion is worse than expected…or that the wound will develop a sepsis.” Catherina keened.

“Lin? Keys? I’ll go and get fresh clothes and basic supplies from the apartment.” Elena declared and, taking the keys, walked out of the room.

“I’ll go get some food for us.” Oak declared.

“I’ll keep an eye on Lin and you go check with the hospital administration?” Caleb said to Catherina, knowing that having something to do would help her avoid falling into a spiral of doubts and fears.

Checking his phone, Lin informed them that Vanessa was at the precinct.

“Family.” Catherina smiled, kissed the top of his head and when the nurse came to take them to the room prepared for Jonathan, she found Lin looking out of the window, while Caleb played a game on his phone.

A mute strength had replaced the frantic panic and as the rows closed to form an impenetrable shield around the man who was presently lying on an operating table, they all found comfort in the solidarity of the others.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solace and nonsense in hospital rooms today 
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> Thanks for the kudos as well, signs like these keep me writing and posting :D

5

“So where is the wee lad?” A stout, middle-aged nurse came into the room overlooking the park with a children’s cot in her arms.

Caleb looked up from his phone and Elena turned around, fresh clothes still in her hands.

“Sorry?” She asked, confused by the woman and her words.

“The head nurse said to bring a bed for the little man.” The nurse explained, slightly waving the cot in her arms.

Her eyes fell on Lin, folded over in the ugly chair and she chuckled: “Oh, they didn’t…They meant small in stature. My bad. Be right back.” With that, she and her cot disappeared through the door again, and the sound of her light-hearted laughter sounded through the hallway.

“Did she…?” Lin looked her leave, a confused look on his face.

“Hmmm, they’ll bring a bed for you. I assume you want to stay with him?” Catherina strode in, taking stock of the empty room and Lin still crumpled up on the chair like a discarded tissue.

“They brought a children’s bed. Like…for a toddler.” Elena laughed, putting underwear into the small closet as if she had never done anything else.

“A…what?” Catherina rubbed her eyes, she was dead on her feet, but she couldn’t stop worrying, couldn’t stop arguing with the hospital staff even though they did nothing to oppose her in any way.

She had asked for another bed so Lin could stay the night, she had asked to be allowed to stay a little longer, she had asked for the best treatment in a country where the European given of universal healthcare was a dream and where health was just another item for sale.

What did she know about Jonathan’s insurance plan? Nothing at all, but it didn’t matter.

All her philanthropic endeavours had made her even richer than before and even though she sometimes felt ashamed about it, she couldn’t help but be relieved in this instant that this would not be Jonathan’s problem…or Lin’s.

“Pizza party.” Oak burst into the room and stacked boxes on the tiny table.

“Any for me?” They all spun around as they wheeled Jonathan into the room, sitting comfortably rested against the elevated top-part of the hospital bed and smiling.

“Erm…Well, yeah, you go ahead. But eat slowly.” The doctor looked at him indulgently.   
Thanks to the generosity of his friend, they had done a series of tests that proved that he would heal perfectly and that nothing life-threatening had happened to him.

Of course, he would have to wait and rest for the ribs to heal and for the puncture wound to close, but all in all, there would be nothing more than a few scars to remind him of the incident…at least physically.

As she watched the people in the room busy themselves around the patient, she felt relieved, because chances were good that his soul would mend as well.

“There we are.” The sturdy nurse wheeled a second bed in, fluffed up the pillows and then scooped up Lin and put him inside.

“It’s been a rough few hours for you too, kid, huh?” She said and patted the blanket smooth on top of him.

Lin didn’t object and sunk back into the pillows.

At a motion of Catherina’s, the nurse pushed the beds closer together and excused herself from the room.

“Hello Catherina. Welcome back. I have missed you, sorry…to receive in such a state.”

Jonathan stretched his hand out to her and she took it eagerly.

“We had such plans. We wanted to come out and welcome you at the airport and take you to dinner and…Ahh.” He sighed.

A loud thump interrupted them and Elena apologised, flustered, for having dropped something. Her hands were shaking and she fought against the tears.

“Lena, come here.” Lin called her and when she climbed onto the bed and let him hold her, it was so unnatural and out of character for her, that everybody fell silent and waited for an explanation.

“This morning, this very morning, I stood in the apartment and watched Lin clean and he looked so happy and I was so jealous. I just wanted Reina back here. But things were good, we were looking forward to your return, I was looking forward to your return. I…and then…I will never forget the moment Lin called me, I will never forget how it felt.”

She wept into Lin’s shirt, loud, wailing sobs shaking her frame violently.

“Oh baby.” Catherina murmured and rubbed her back the way she always did for her.

“I am sorry.” Jonathan said, but the others assured him that it was not his fault.

“All I could think as I went down was that I had been about to see Lin. That I was finally home. That we could come and help you move in. Anthony and Jazzy said they’d come. And Oak. And Leslie. I just wanted to be home so desperately. I wanted to be back.

I was annoyed at being held back, I wasn’t even really frightened until it was too late.”

His ribs hurt, but Jonathan had to tell them, because he didn’t know if all was well and if he couldn’t die in his sleep after all.

“And then I woke up and you were there. I have never been more afraid to die in my whole life than today. I…I just wanted to see you again and I still want that. I cannot believe how many nights I have spent, how many mornings I have woken up without seeing your faces, without hearing your voices.”

Catherina looked back at him and nodded.

“I feel you. Only this morning, this self-same morning, I have decided to fly back tonight, to arrive in the middle of the night if necessary but that I needed to be in the same city as you. I have never missed anything or anyone quite as much as that family that I have found and it hurts me to the core.”

“You came. You just left and came. For me.” Jonathan looked at her with awe and affection.

“I will always come.” She replied simply, still holding his hand.

And in that moment, Lin met Caleb’s eyes and understood. He understood what Caleb had meant when he had said that Catherina would sacrifice herself for other people and he thanked the Lord for his intuition that very first night when he had met Catherina.

She had become more than a friend and it meant the world to him that she had left everything to be here for him and Jonathan, that they were a priority for her.

They ate pizza and talked about their respective projects.

“Hey, by the way, I’ve been approached to…actually do a real movie about Hamilton.” Lin said, chewing, calmer now that he knew Jonathan was as alright as he could be after what had happened.

“Oh really, by whom?” Jonathan sat up, winced, sank back into the pillows and dripped tomato sauce onto the pristine white sheets.

Lin told them the story of an executive approaching him, mimicking voice and stance and making a whole play out of it.

They had missed that, nobody could make Catherina laugh and Jonathan swoon quite as Lin could and the tension further subsided.

“Hmmm, me too. Only, I was only asked if I thought it was a sound investment. I said “yes” and “how much” and that was about the gist of it. See, I’m not a genius.” Catherina laughed, wiping her mouth gingerly and shoving the rest of her pizza over to Oak who dug in with a grin.

“As far as I can tell, you’ve expanded your father’s business ventures into a whole lot of new areas in the last year and that pretty successfully, so, I beg to differ.” Lin waved his slice of pizza while talking, sprinkling both beds and Elena with sauce.

Catherina smiled, yes, it was good to be back, it was good to hear that confidence in Lin’s voice because she didn’t doubt it. To him, she was a complete human and he had faith in her abilities in a way her friends and her father never had had and it felt good to have someone in her life who was in her corner.

“They’ll let me out tomorrow.” Jonathan informed his friends then in a light tone.

He was eager to be home, to be with Lin, but the thought of his apartment didn’t make his heart sing the way he had expected it to. Mentally, he had already detached himself from it and it felt almost estranged to him now.

“I can only offer, but our house is completely empty at the moment. Almost completely. You can come and live on the ground floor until you’re recovered? We have a garden where you can walk and Dolores will be there as well, so you’ll be cared after.

You’d have a separate bathroom and your privacy, but there will always be someone there.”

Catherina bit her lip, still afraid to be overreaching.

“In the Heights?” Jonathan said breathlessly, he had seen the house when Catherina had taken them there and he had loved it.

“Yeah…” Catherina didn’t even dare look at him, she didn’t want him to feel obliged to come live at her place, maybe he preferred his own apartment, he surely did.

“Lin??” Jonathan turned his huge, pleading eyes upon his partner.

Lin hated the apartment. After the weeks of solitude, he hated every brick, every window, every inch of that apartment. Hated how busy it was and how lonely he felt there, so would certainly not object to living closer to the place where they intended to move.

“I don’t want to push you into anything. If you’d rather be alone, I can understand.” Catherina said hastily, regretting having spoken too fast.

“NO, no, I’d love to, Lin?” Jonathan answered quickly.

“ _Amor_ , yes, of course. We wanted to help them move anyway. So, you, my little princess, will watch us move shit around,” Lin flexed his arms to show off his biceps, “and then, we’ll go actively hunting for our own place.”

Moving back to the Heights, with Jonathan, staying with friends, his heart slowly lifted and so did his spirits.

“Awwww.” He opened the message and showed it to Jonathan, it was a photograph Vanessa sent of a picture Sebastian had drawn for Jonathan.

“Ah, your son draws me “get well soon” cards, Lin…”

Behind closed lids, Jonathan teared up a tiny bit, this was indeed not the moment to die, not when life was so damn sweet.

“By the way…Do you still have your father’s bed?” Lin asked, thinking back on the amazing comfort he had enjoyed the night he had slept over at Catherina’s old place.

“Erm, it’s in storage, why?” Catherina cocked her head.

“Oh, Lin loves it. Do you think, we could use it while we stay at yours? I mean, we’ll pay rent and all and…yeah, well…I guess you’ll have enough furniture to fill the house, but I can bring my own…” Jonathan mumbled, not quite sure what he was trying to say.

“Yeah, you can have the bed and I can put all the furniture in. Except you want your own?” She offered.

“Let me see…Do I want to live like the princess Lin thinks I am or do I want to live like the sad bachelor hobo I actually am, well, have been until recently? Let me think hard….No, I pass, I’ll take your wonderful antiques every day.” He laughed and mussed Catherina’s hair when she tried to stifle a chuckle.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, a reckoning. 
> 
> Cue the parents...

6

Outside of the door, five people stood staring at each other for a moment before shrugging and entering after a short knock.

“Uh-oh.” Catherina breathed as she saw Dolores, holding a stack of towels and Lulu kneading a bouquet of flowers.

“MOM? DAD?” Jonathan sat up, forgetting that it would fold him in half with pain.

The robbers had taken his wallet, but left his phone and after arriving, Lin had taken charge of calling Jonathan’s parents. A most embarrassing call during which he had to repeat everything he said because the poor folks couldn’t make out a single word between his sobbing.

“Did the hospital call you?” Jonathan asked, hugging his parents.

“No, a crying man did.” His mother replied, to which a stern elderly Latino said: “Oh that would have been my son, I guess.”

And then to Lin: “Your mother is watching your children. Vanessa told me. Thank you for calling, son.”

Lin flew into a series of attempted explanations, saying that it wasn’t him who was in hospital and that he had not wanted to distress them.

Cocking one eyebrow, his father waved at the hospital bed in which Lin was cuddled up and retorted that it was, beyond a doubt, better to have Vanessa call in a hurry from the car, saying that his son was crying his eyes out in hospital because his “friend” had gotten hurt.

“Wait, Vanessa said quote unquote?” Lin interjected.

“NO, she does that with her voice as you very well know.” His father retorted impatiently and then looked around in the room.

“Yeah, dear, mine didn’t call either. Dolores had to tell me after a SUITCASE arrived at the house without a trace of its owner. Thankfully Caleb has written shortly after.” Lulu added her comment to the general parental discontentment.

“Well, they grow a beard and suddenly, they don’t have to tell their parents anything anymore.” Jonathan’s mother sniffled, not without humour though.

“Mine do not even have a beard.” Dolores grumbled.

All that time, the other people just stared at their elders in amazement.

Leaving all dignity behind, Lin climbed out of bed and introduced himself to Jonathan’s parents, apologising for crying on the phone.

“So, wait, who is who now?” Oak asked after a moment of silent confusion.

“We’re his parents.” Jonathan’s parents explained, pointing at their beaten son.

“That one is mine.” Lin’s father said, hugging Lin closer to him.

“They’re all mine as far as I’m concerned…but Catherina and Cal.” Dolores grinned, smiling warmly at the people present.

“Oh the crying witchy one is my daughter. Hello children.” Lulu finished and handed Elena the flowers for her to put them somewhere.

“Have you eaten?” Dolores asked immediately and was shown the empty pizza boxes as proof.

“How???” Catherina’s head was spinning from the surprise.

“We got a call…” Jonathan’s parents lifted their hands as if to say that they were not responsible for the madness that was taking place here.

“Oh come on, _mija_ , you moved to the Heights. We all know everything.” Lulu smirked and Catherina was not sure if she was joking or not, because it was completely within the realm of the possible that Lulu and Dolores indeed knew everything.

“Well, I guess those are my in-laws then?” Lin said cheerily, brushing back his dishevelled hair, very well knowing that he could never undo this terrible first impression.

“LIN?” Jonathan gasped, taking a deep breath, but unable to backtrack now.

“I’m Oak.” Oak said helpfully and shook the hands of every single parent, smiling like he was the best student in the class accepting his honour medal.

“Cal, Catherina’s brother.” Caleb followed suit, relieved to have done what was expected and to be out of the line of fire for the moment.

“Catherina, that’s my girlfriend Elena. We are…friends of Jonathan’s and Lin’s, I guess.” Catherina tried to save face, but the cackling laughter of Elena’s mother and her housekeeper somehow destroyed the efficiency of her efforts.

“Mom, Dad, my…Lin.” Jonathan stammered feebly.

“Ah, is he now?” Lulu cheered, seconded by Dolores, which did nothing but further the other parents’ confusion.

“Be that as it may, you really should call us more often to keep us updated about your…Lin…whatever. How are you, my boy?” Jonathan’s father asked after a moment, while the women busied themselves with putting away things, upsetting everything Elena had put into the closet beforehand and exchanging gossip about their respective children.

Oak started humming “Dear Theodosia”, much to the amusement of Catherina who watched the scene unfold in dumbfounded surprise.

With Lin’s help, Jonathan gave his father an extensive update about the tests performed and the preliminary diagnosis.

“Aha, did you give them your insurance?” His father asked, minding the details of a hospital stay, which left Jonathan speechless, mouth gaping open. He hadn’t thought of that before.

“Covered.” Catherina replied from behind in a clipped voice, turning immediately back to Oak’s little soundtrack to the scene.

“Look at my son…” Oak suddenly sang out, filling the room with sound and emotion.

“Pride is not the word I’m looking for.” Catherina fell in, her voice shaken by the laughter she was trying to suppress.

She remembered that her own father had sent a bouquet of roses when she had been in hospital with appendicitis, because he had been too busy to come in person.

“Hey, our kid is pretty great.” Jonathan’s father quoted with a little shrug and everybody whirled around.

“You don’t say.” His wife replied, the grin creasing her still beautiful face.

“He’s a good boy. They both are, aren’t they, Lulu?” Dolores said with a warm smile towards the two men who were so far beyond being boys.

“Yes, they are. Very good dinner guests. And aren’t they handsome too?” Lulu chuckled and then full-out laughed when she saw the dubitative look on her daughter’s face.

“I guess they’re not bad. Are they? Reina, what say you?” Elena gave her girlfriend a little nudge. Catherina shrugged, not sure what to say in front of their parents.

Yes, if you like the kind of man who’s at the same time kind of pudgy and weedy?

“Erm…yes, I’m sure they’re very handsome.” Catherina finally said, her voice going up at the end of the sentence as if she was asking a question.

“I’m sorry, they’re really young though and I love them, God knows, I’d kill someone for them, but I haven’t really thought about their degree of attractiveness.”

When the whole room looked at her with confusion and interest, she added: “Daddy-issues, I guess. My ex-husband was 15 years older than me…”

 _Oh wow, well done Catherina,_ she thought, _go ahead and tell your friend’s parents everything that’s wrong with you_.

“She’s a good girl too. Why don’t you go home, girls and have a lie-down?” Dolores suggested softly when she saw the puffy, red eyes on her two darlings.

“Oh, Dolores, we have invited the guys to stay with us until Jonathan is mended, is that alright by you?” Catherina yawned.

“Yes, my sweetling, it is perfect. We’ll take good care of the boy.” Then, nodding at Jonathan’s parents, “We’ll leave you to catch up with the kid. Even if this seems a little strange at this very moment, I want you to know that he’s much loved by our girls and that we really will take the best care of him.”

Dolores moved to the door with Lulu, while Catherina and Elena went and gave both Lin and Jonathan sisterly kisses.

“We’ll be back tomorrow. I love you.” Catherina sighed and pressed their hands a last time.

“Thanks, girl. See you.”

With that, Dolores and Lulu ushered the two women and Cal through the door.

“Night, see you!” Oak laughed and waved to his friends.

“So, you stay here for the night?”

Lin looked at his father, wondering what he might think and if he was shocked or disappointed.

All the man saw however was how terribly tired and miserable his son looked and his heart broke.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come and embarrassed you.” He apologised in a small voice.

“No, dad, I’m glad you’re here. Tell me everything is going to be alright.” And behind that very general demand stood another one, much deeper and much more important.

“Of course, son. You should both get some sleep. And if you need anything, I see you have good friends who take care of you, but nonetheless, call me.

By the way, is it okay if I bring your mother around some time to meet your…to see how you two are doing?”

Relief and love washed through Lin, his father was in his corner, still.

“Yes, I’d love that. Isn’t he cute? Despite the bandages and…”

“Lin-Manuel, son, I was not born yesterday. I know what the kid looks like. Now go to sleep.” His father chuckled and with a last, long, lingering look, he left the room.

“Ah, we should also leave. We come back tomorrow.” Jonathan’s mum said, bending over her son to kiss his forehead, then doing the same to Lin.

“Good night, get some rest.” Jonathan’s father said in agreement and they took their leave.

“Now, who would have thought?” He said to his wife as soon as they stepped out of the hospital and towards the waiting taxis.

“Yes, who would have thought.” She smiled.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It starts feeling like home and family around here...
> 
> I'd be glad to see any sign of your having been here, if it isn't too much trouble of course ;)

7

Catherina woke up with a scream.

“Hush, baby, you’re alright. Everything is fine.” Elena rose from the mattress on the floor in the middle of the foyer where they had just crashed down and fallen asleep the evening prior.

Days of loneliness and stress, of pressure and expectations, had blurred together just to come to end in the burning crescendo of the call, Lin crying, Elena crying, she herself crying.

Catherina felt like her chest was getting increasingly narrower as if she was being slowly killed by a boa constrictor. When she tried to speak, only a wheezing sound escaped her wide-open lips and Elena had to hold her for a moment before she calmed down again.

And as the panic subsided, the world was flooded with sounds and light again, she could hear the front door opening, Dolores stepping in with fresh baked goods and a pitcher of coffee.

“Darlings, president Washington stands in front of the door. He’s fully dressed, I wasn’t sure if you were, so I made him wait a second.” She spoke when she realised that the women were awake.

Practically jumping into their clothes, Catherina and Elena hurried to get presentable before opening the door.

“Hey, am I too early?” Chris looked at their dishevelled appearances and the traces of tears on their faces.

“Come in,” Catherina smiled and after checking her phone, added “Oak should be here any minute too.”

Dolores, in the meantime, leant the door against its frame without closing it, poured the coffee she had taken with the whole pitcher from a bodega a friend of hers owned into mugs and handed out treats on paper napkins.

Then she slapped a newspaper on the floor, obviously angry.

It was a rag, not at all the kind of press one would usually find in this household and on the front page: the news of Jonathan’s stay in hospital and the insinuation of a relationship of a devious nature with Lin.

Catherina gasped audibly. She had known that everything would come out sooner or later, but as she flipped through the pages, she realised that she had banked on later rather than sooner.

Browsing the disgusting article hastily, she saw that she got an honourable mention herself and Elena, hanging over her shoulder as usual, huffed and puffed with anger and distaste.

“Those motherfuckers.” She cursed and threw the paper across the hall because she could no longer bear to even look at it.

“Who?” Oak peeked through the door, picked up the paper, thumbed through it and threw it down again in a similar show of disgust.

Dolores also had taken the liberty to call the movers and get all of the furniture out of storage. Whatever Catherina didn’t want would simply be taken back.

“Do you want a hospital bed for the boy?” She asked Catherina, refilling her coffee mug casually and when Catherina nodded, she handed her a note with the number of a supplier she had already contacted this morning.

“You really are an angel.” Catherina smiled. She stood up and walked outside to discuss the possibility to only get the frame as they seemed to like her father’s bed all that much.

“Freckles!” She heard Elena scream joyfully from inside the house and when she came back, after having procured different items to make Jonathan’s life easier and a private nurse to come look after him twice a day, she saw Anthony carrying in a carpet.

“Hey, boy.” She greeted him and gave him a hug around the carpet.

“Well, don’t get slavery flashbacks now.” He mocked her gently as Leslie, who had arrived as well, helped Chris carry in a bulky wardrobe.

“What? How? Oh no…” Catherine was flustered and it made Anthony laugh.

“Out of the way, little lady.” Oak grunted, heaving another wardrobe over the threshold.

With the help of her friends’, her brother, the movers and some people from the neighbourhood who lent a hand, the whole house was full of furniture in less than 4 hours.

“We’ll get the rest out of storage. You go see how the kids are doing and you get them here safely.” Caleb promised and sent Catherina and Elena on their way, muttering something about them just standing around gawking anyway.

“But…” Catherina tried to protest, but her brother assured her that he would simply put all of her things in their boxes into her bedroom and let her unpack herself.

“Let the men work, Reina, let’s go.” Elena grinned with a look on her face that would have been leering if she hadn’t been such a complete and utter lesbian.

“Hello, hello, hello.” Catherina sang as she entered the room, only to find Lin and Jonathan playing cards.

“So…some people are actually playing cards when they spent the night together.” The words were out of her mouth before she could hold them back and Elena didn’t manage to keep her laughter in check, especially upon seeing the sheepish looks on the men’s faces.

“What were we supposed to do? Our parents could pay us another surprise visit anytime and there are tons of doctors around and Jonathan is severely injured…” Lin hurried into speech as if the joke had gone completely over his head.

Shaking her head, Catherina nodded in the direction of the closet and while Elena prepared the men for take-off – and tried to coax them into changing their clothes – Catherina went outside to talk to the doctors and the staff to know when they’d release Jonathan.

Relief flooded through her veins when she heard that all his results were good and that they’d be happy to let him go as soon as he was feeling well enough to do so.

“We’ll send the bill to…” The secretary was almost shy about this, but Catherina gave her the new address, feeling her heart swell with pride as she dictated numbers and words.

This was an address she was happy to give as her own, an address far from the greedy shadow of her father and that was completely hers.

She threw a quick glance on her phone, constantly vibrating in her pocket and skimmed quickly through the notifications: E-mails from work, calls from work, a message from Cal saying they had found the kitchen stuff, message from Dolores saying Lulu had arrived and they were cooking, another call from work.

Shrugging, Catherina let it slide back into her pocket and re-entered the hospital room.

“Ready when you are.” She declared and helped Elena stuff the last of their clothes into the duffel bag at her feet.

A nurse came in with a wheelchair and despite his protests, Jonathan was wheeled out of his sickroom, Lin at his side.

Catherina didn’t have the heart to tell them about the article, not yet, but she made sure to take them directly into the parking garage and into Caleb’s car, glancing cautiously around them so as not to be pestered or followed.

“This is really so nice of you two.” Lin murmured as soon as he sat in the car, holding Jonathan’s hand firmly and looking out of the tinted windows dreamily.

He looked a bit better today, a tad better rested, the shadows under his eyes greyish rather than dark purple and his complexion all in all less that of a three-day-old corpse.

“It’s my pleasure. And Dolores’. And your mum is also already there.” Catherina said and nodded to Elena, who just rolled her eyes and when Lin dared to chuckle, she spun around in the passenger seat and drawled: “My dear Lin, my mum and yours know each other. You wait, just you wait, your parents will show up there before long. So will Jonathan’s parents, I’m sure.”

Catherina made a small choking sound. “I have never had that many parents around me in my whole life.” She then said in a small voice.

“Oh, then be ready for quite a surprise, because most parents aren’t all that cold and aloof. You know my mum, I’m sure my dad will come to. It’s a housewarming party after all.”

“IS IT?” Catherina almost hit the car in front of her in her shock.

“Well yes, duh, everybody got an invite. Surprise!” Elena laughed, making jazz hands in her seat and shimmying seductively.

“I was scheduled to arrive today, Lena. Did you really plan a housewarming party? That now turned into a “Oh poor Jon”-“Damn where is the furniture”-“Oh hey, yeah, housewarming, yadda yadda yadda”-party somehow?” Catherina inquired, aghast.

“Something like that, yeah.” Elena shrugged and nudged Catherina gently.

“Did you…You didn’t invite Lin’s parents though, did you? Originally?” Catherina pressed on, eager to understand what her girlfriend had actually planned in the first place.

“Oh kind of…I mean, mum invited them?” And seeing Catherina’s face, a prime example for incomprehension and confusion, she added: “Darling, you wanted to live in the Heights, now lie in the bed you’ve made. Everybody will come, Clara, my parents, Lin’s parents, Dolores’ friends, Vanessa, the kids maybe for an hour or so, the cast, Caleb, your ex-husband…”

Catherina lifted a hand to her forehead to check if she was maybe running a fever from all the exhaustion, but her skin was cool and smooth under her fingertips.

“The only people we didn’t expect were Jon’s parents, but you know what they say: The more the merrier.”

Catherina couldn’t quite believe her ears. Only yesterday, she had been a businesswoman longing to be home again and today, she was back home and home was about to overwhelm her with all its warmth and plentiful life.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another family-chapter.
> 
> Enjoy <3

8

Knowing Catherina by heart, Elena encouraged her to go take a quick shower before all hell broke loose and promised to settle the men in herself.

“Oh wow.” She whistled under her breath when she stepped into the room that was supposed to be Catherina’s office and that had been transformed into a guest-slash-sick-room.

The big window underneath which Catherina had wanted to put her desk looked out onto the river and the hill leading down to it and the whole scenery was covered in golden mist rolling across the withering grass.

Thanks to Catherina’s stubbornness, it had indeed been managed to put the frame of a hospital bed into the antique.

“It’s made for extra fat people. Must have cost a pretty penny.” Anthony came in, holding yet another vase, filled with seasonal flowers. “Oak has picked them. No, I’m serious. That oaf went out picking flowers for you like a little girl.”

Settling the vase gently on the low cabinet of exquisite dark wood beside the door, he smiled broadly at his friends. He was shocked by their appearance and shaken by what had happened, but he knew that there were enough women around to fuss and fret and he didn’t want to make anyone feel even worse by putting his fears on top of theirs.

Caleb had waited with a wheelchair outside of the house and Jonathan was just getting used to the commands even though he didn’t intend to make too much use of it, lest he get fat and lazy. Now however, he was grateful for the possibility to move around freely without lances of pain shooting through him at every single step.

The room was beautiful, the panelling of warm, golden wood that contrasted nicely with the darker shade of the furniture. Between the priceless antiques, unceremoniously prepared for everyday use, there were hints of high-tech, a brand-new TV, the state-of-the-art-bedframe, the discreet bedside-lamps.

It was perfect, it felt like welcome, it felt like home.

“Ugh.” Catherina grunted in frustration, burrowing through the box labelled “clothes” and as she heard the door open and close downstairs, she pulled the first thing that was a full outfit out of the box and over her head.

It was…a strapless, bright pink cocktail dress. In autumn. Lin was wearing a hoodie. Elena was wearing a knitted sweater. It was freaking cold outside.

Sighing, she pulled a beanie over her head and shoved her feet into boots, which made her outfit look even more ludicrous but at least she wouldn’t freeze her extremities to death.

“Coming, coming, coming.” She yelled as she rushed down the stairs to greet the newcomers.

“Hello…” Jonathan’s mother held a plastic bag in her hand.  
“Erm…hello.” Automatically, Catherina stretched out her hand to accept the gift, but the woman shook her head, saying that there was not much Catherina could do with it right now.

“It’s…raw…” She added, awkwardly.

“Ah yes…” Catherina mumbled, pretending to understand what she did indeed not understand in the least.

Dolores came into the hall, snacking men on her heels who tried to grab pieces of something out of a bowl she was holding.

“Ah, come through to the kitchen. We’re all ready. It’s me, Elena’s mum, and Lin’s mum is also already there.

Cal, be a dear and give the poor man a beer.” She kissed Jonathan’s mother on the cheek and both went back to the kitchen as if they had been friends forever.

Catherina still stood there, next to Jonathan’s father, looking perplexed.

“They will be cooking.” He explained and whirled around when a door opened and his son came out, smiling, accompanied by Lin and a freckled man.

“Wow, nice choice, Catherina.” Lin laughed, but his eyes fell on the scars marring that beautiful, pristine white skin. The long, purplish streak running down her arm and the white lines underneath her collarbones that reminded him of that awful afternoon when they had found her, desperately crying, in a church.

“What has happened exactly?” Jonathan asked, curious and feeling as if the explanation would help him bear his own wounds a little better.

“After Maria hit the island, I flew down with Lena. We were handing out provisions when we heard a crash, we went looking and a small boy has been trapped under a heap of rubble.” She sighed. “We tried to get him out, a steel beam came crashing down. It grazed my arm, we got the boy to the medics. End of story.”

She made it sound so easy, but they could all see that the wound had badly healed, that it had not been sewn shut in a hospital and that it had been a considerable injury at the time.

“You didn’t go to hospital.” Lin said in a toneless voice.

“Baby, there was no electricity, there was no clean water in this part, there were other things to do. I had it cleaned and looked after. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Catherina shrugged, the memory was painful to her, because the helplessness she had felt in that moment still haunted her to this day. What did her arm matter?

“It’s not like I had a lot of beauty to lose in the first place.” She joked and accepted the beer that Caleb had brought out for her and for Jonathan’s dad.

“You are terribly brave, you know?” Lin said, wrapping his arms around her protectively and Catherina laughed. She had never considered herself as being brave, but she saw what he meant.

“I am haunted by little boys. By that boy, by the boy in the drawing. I am haunted by all the things I couldn’t undo.” She said after a moment in a hushed, pained voice.

“At least, you try to change things.” Lin lifted her head with a finger and looked into her eyes, letting her sink into the bottomless pit of his faith and trust in her.

A knock on the door interrupted the musings and Catherina moved towards it to open.

“Hello. You look stunning.” Before she could object, she was pulled into a hug by Lin’s father and then, she saw Vanessa and her two boys.

“Hello Miss.” Sebastian peeked behind her, disappointed that the dogs weren’t there.

“Hello Sir.” Catherina curtsied which made him laugh and he complimented her dress saying she looked really nice. Weirdly, this earnest compliment, delivered with a furrowed brow and after a short period of consideration and pondering, brightened her day and lifted her heart.

“Don’t touch anything.” Vanessa warned, handing Lin the baby as soon as she entered to hug Catherina.

“Welcome to the neighbourhood.” She murmured into her ear as she released her.

“Oh hi Groff. How are you?” She then turned to the man in the wheelchair and gave her son a look that was heavy with meaning.

“Oh yes…Here, I drew that for you. Mummy wrote the things here. And Frankie also…it’s just a smear but he’s still very little.” Sebastian handed Jonathan a sheet of paper on which he had drawn something that looked maybe like a dinosaur, complete with the smeared handprint of a baby and Vanessa’s neat penmanship saying “Get well soon”.

“Well, erm, thank you. This means a lot to me.” Jonathan replied, trying hard not to choke on his words.

“You are a genius!” Catherina laughed, giving the boy a high-five. Then, she disappeared and started a mysterious round through the kitchen and the living room.

Jonathan would have loved to know what she was doing but both the chair and his father kept him rooted in place. As their mothers had deserted them to take part in a secret, feminine ritual in the kitchen, Lin and he had to entertain their respective fathers.

Catherina took a deep breath, everybody seemed to feel right at home in this new house, people were lounging around, Oak giving Lin’s son a piggy-back-ride, Jasmine cooing at the baby and staring at Anthony as if he didn’t get the point she was making, four mothers (for Dolores was like a mother to her) were cooking in her kitchen and the afternoon was bleeding out in a burst of golden light bathing the rooms in its glow.

As she looked at Lin and Jonathan talking to their fathers, she couldn’t help but feel a sting of jealousy. She wished her father had ever looked upon her with that kind of indulgence…or of pride.

When his own son raced past on Oak’s shoulders, Lin gave him a casual high five, smiling up at him with that love that had healed many of Catherina’s wounds.

“Family.” Caleb whispered into her ear and reached over her shoulder to take a sip of her beer.

“Did you think it would never come back? Trust us more, baby, we are all still here.” He laughed when he saw the amazement in her eyes.

It had been a good move for her to choose this house. It was spacious and warm, cosy, comfortable, it was the kind of house that was inviting and in which people felt at home.

She had needed a home and he knew that “home” was as much people as it was a physical place and that’s why he was so happy to see that so many had come.

Catherina had been a place of healing for other people, still tried to be that and it was good to see that everything did indeed come back sooner or later.

“Sorry, where are my little girls?”

A huge man stood in the doorway, broad and hulking, grinning into the round.

“Dad.” Elena leapt into his waiting, wide-spread arms and was whirled around.

“I had to finish something, princess.” He said in a low tone, winking at her.

“Dad, meet Jon’s and Lin’s dads. So, I’m sure you can handle another dad, can’t you?” She shoved her father towards the group of men and left him alone.

The burly man rubbed his callused hands over his face in embarrassment, he was a steady bloke, ever surprised by the whirlwind energy of his daughter.

He also remembered playdates and kid’s birthdays where he had stood in the corner drinking beer with the other fathers while his daughter had pulled other kid’s braids because she didn’t want to be a princess. This reminded him of these happy days.

He clinked beer bottles with the other men and saw in their eyes the echo of his own perplexed pride at the wonders their kids had grown up to be.

Not one of them really understood what their children were doing here and what their relationship with all the others exactly consisted of, but, and that but made all the difference, they wouldn’t have been anywhere else if they could have chosen.


	9. Chapter 9

9

Two elderly men stared at each other, at a loss for words.

Not in a million years had they expected to ever be in this situation and yet, they weren’t exactly surprised. How could they be with the sons they had fathered?

Two men, pillars of their community, holding up a culture, a belief system and its values, representing a family amongst others, looked into the eyes of one another and wondered.

After a moment, they introduced themselves to the other in calm, measured words.

Undercurrents swirled in the silence that followed, memories of little boys running wild, of seeing them grow up, of letting them go to find their own way, of settling for always being a step behind: watching, waiting, supporting.

Two much younger men watched the mute exchange of values, of doubts, of fears.

In the house of a fatherless daughter, they were reminded of what it was to be a son to a man that was honourable and just.

Both realised how much this moment meant, and when their genitors shook hands solemnly, a sigh of relief rippled through four chests.

Lin waved Catherina over and introduced her formally to his father, as did Jonathan.

They told their fathers what Catherina’s own father had put her through and the outrage on the men’s faces healed Catherina’s heart.

Elena’s father joined them again, having strayed aside to let them have their moment, now putting one hand on Catherina’s shoulder.

“My little girl.” He whispered and kissed her head bobbing underneath his chin.

He had suffered for Catherina, for he and his wife had loved her as long as Elena, maybe even longer because when Elena had been naught but a wild girl, they had already been adults and they had seen the pain in the eyes of the tiny adult in a child’s body.

“I am glad that you and Elena found a way. You’ve always been like a daughter to me anyway.” He continued, pressing her closer to his massive chest.

“So you said, yes, many times.” Catherina smiled up to him, the same trusting and slightly forlorn smile she had always had. Embarrassed by her own need to be loved, Catherina would shy away from affection even though she so desperately yearned for it.

He looked up at the other fathers, sharing in the moment that none of their children could completely comprehend.

They didn’t yet know how much it hurt a parent’s heart to see their child tired, ill, heart-broken or lonely. They had no idea that the people who were responsible for the colour of their eyes and the texture of their hair could read their faces like their own.

They didn’t quite know that sometimes, their mothers went to bed sad because they were missing their babies so badly and that it took everything in their fathers to console their wives without breaking.

“To the children that have outgrown our wildest expectations.” Elena’s father said and clinked his bottle against the drinks of the two other men yet again.

Elena watched her father and smiled. He had always adored Catherina and the guy’s dads seemed to be doing fine as well.

She very well knew how hard it was for parents to accept that their kid was in a relationship that was considered highly irregular in their circles.

Remembering her own parents, sitting at the kitchen table, hands folded in their laps as she had told them under tears and through bitter screams that she would never be married and have kids because she was a lesbian, Elena chuckled.

“Those are two different things, child.” Lulu had said gently, stepping towards her to hug her calmingly.

Lulu had hoped that Elena would get married and have kids after all, but she would survive it if not.

“Are you happy?” The only question worth answering to her. Was that child she had conceived, carried and birthed happy? Was her life as good as it could be? And if not, what could she and her husband do to make it better?

Elena had always had absolute trust in her parents. Catherina did not.

She approached her girlfriend and said: “See? THIS is what parents, what fathers should be like. Confused? Sure. Cautious? Have to. But did you see them turn around and leave? Scream and beat? Shout abuse at everyone? No, because that’s not what sane humans do.”

She hugged Catherina tightly from behind and let her chin sink onto the other woman’s shoulder.

“Welcome home, Reina. OH…Clara.” Pushing Catherina along, she moved towards the elderly woman who was led into the room by Anthony who must have intercepted her at the door.

“Hmmm, that is that pretty child with the freckles, hmmm?” Clara murmured as Elena greeted her with a warm hug.

“It is, it is.” Elena laughed, knowing full well that Clara had perused the huge printouts Catherina had made her with her magnifying glass for many an hour.

“Miss Clara.” Lin cheered and kissed her hand gingerly, which made her giggle like a schoolgirl.

“I was told that someone hurt the pretty dove you had with you the other time, is that so, Mister Miranda?” Clara enquired in a hard voice to which Lin had to say “Yes”, regret and hurt tinging the single word.

“Hmmm, it’s always hard to see someone you love so dearly hurt, isn’t it? If you find those people, send them to my place, I’ll teach them manners.”

The collective of men wanted to laugh, but the hard setting of the wrinkled mouth and the stern fold on the withered forehead made it very clear that Clara was being serious.

“I am quite alright, Miss Clara. Don’t you worry.” Jonathan said and touched her hand which she lifted, searchingly, until she found his face.

“Oh dear…What a waste.” She sighed and caressed the bruised skin with a featherlight touch, smiling sadly.

Jonathan wondered if she wasn’t completely blind and how she decided that it was a waste to batter his face, but he wouldn’t ask because the cast of her traits translated affection.

There had been quite a bit of love since that fateful intervention of Catherina in all of their lives and he wasn’t one to complain about it.

“No, my sister does not want to say anything about that.” Caleb waved his arms in big motions and the whole room fell into silence in an instant.

As the telephone line wasn’t working yet, he had diverted the business calls to his phone, which he was now holding as if it was a snake poised to attack at any moment.

Catherina walked over and took it from him. It was a reporter, asking about her statement on the news that had broken only this morning.

“Oh, good sir, I am but a humble penny-pusher. I am far too inconsequential to know anything about the private affairs of international celebrities.” Catherina replied.

The man shot back that he had it on good authority that she was actually friends with Lin-Manuel and Jonathan. When she asked what authority that was supposed to be, he informed her smugly that he had the information straight from the horse’s mouth.

“Lin said that, yeah? Well, far from me to contradict the great Lin then. Yes, I love both of them dearly.” She rolled her eyes at Lin who shrugged and blew her kisses through the room. Her eyes narrowed but she had to chuckle.

“Nonetheless, you overestimate my importance if you think that I am the keeper of Broadway stars’ secrets. I am but a very simple woman, I do not know about the lives of the rich and famous.”

Bickering in the room…full of the same stars she had just denied publicly.

The man shot facts and reports at her, times she had been seen in the company of different people and such things. She sighed. He then insinuated that maybe she had an affair with one or several of these people.

Laughing out loud, Catherina spoke: “You flatter me, Sir. No, I am not having an affair with anyone and I cannot tell you anything about the lovelife of anyone you’re interested in.

Nonetheless, I see that you take your investigations seriously and I would strongly recommend that you use those talents and that sharp wit to engage in some serious journalism. How about that? If you’re already trolling hospitals, write a piece about the healthcare system, about poverty, about misery, about things that matter.”

Now, it was the journalist’s turn to laugh.

“People do not care about that kind of thing.”

Catherina shot back: “Well, it’s your duty to make them care. Nobody much cared about Alexander Hamilton either before. Write about things that are important to and for people, make the world a better place. Ask me about my projects, about my worries, about things I’d like to change rather than about the people I might date.”

A long silence and then the reporter finally asked the right questions to which Catherina gave long and detailed answers.

“May I quote you on that?” The man said when they had finished.

“Yes, you may print that I love all of the people we’ve talked about very much and that I wish them success in their endeavours. You are more than welcome to write about my dreams and encourage people to go out and do some good themselves. And yes, you may quote me on saying that there’s a lot more to people than dirt. If you meet Lin-Manuel Miranda, ask him about the things he feels strongly about, about what he’d like to change in the world and I promise you’ll get a much better answer than if you ask about who he’s dating.”

When she hung up, the sound swelled to a crescendo in a heartbeat.

“You are incorrigible.” Elena scolded her. “You could simply have said “No comment” and that would have been enough.”

Catherina shrugged and drank deep from her lukewarm beer, handing his phone back to her brother.

“What was this about?” Lin asked.

Damn, he doesn’t know yet, Catherina thought, seeking the gaze of Caleb, of Oak, of Elena.

Who was to tell him? In the presence of his father? And his father-in-law so to speak.

Damn, damn, damn.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solace and solidarity...
> 
> Thank you for reading and for the kudos <3
> 
> I'm presently writing chapter 31, so there is more to come, stay with me...

10

“They’ve printed some dirt about you.” A voice came from the door and everybody turned around to discover Catherina’s ex-husband standing in the doorway, holding a folded newspaper that he tossed carelessly on the coffee table next to Jonathan.

“Catherina.” He greeted his ex-wife with a hug, whispering into her ear that he had a little gift for her.

While Lin perused the paper over Jonathan’s shoulder, Jeff led Catherina into the foyer that was much smaller than the one in the last house she had lived in. In one corner, a beautiful piano stood now, glistening in the last light the dying day showered upon them through the windows flanking the main door.

“Oh Jeff.” Catherina sighed, looking up to the man she had married and divorced. At almost 46 years of age, he was still exceedingly handsome with his dark hair and beard and his eyes as blue and cold than a fjord in the wilderness of Scandinavia.

He was considerably taller than her which made all of their hugs just a tad awkward and yet, it felt nice to be held by him standing beside the piano he had brought in without anyone noticing.

“Oh nice, a piano.” Caleb strode out and fist-bumped Jeff with an ease that made this childish gesture almost seem cool.

He had always liked Jeff as a person even though he hated him as Catherina’s husband. Both had a tendency to be privative about their feelings and Jeff lacked the fire to thaw the protective layer of ice Catherina had thrown up around her heart.

“I don’t know…” Already, Jeff ogled the door, tempted to run from this situation in which he felt at a disadvantage.

“Stay. Come in, have a beer.” Catherina pleaded and he gave in. Even though he had seen Catherina a few times since their divorce, he had never partaken in the festivities she had organised and had avoided actually talking to her entourage.

Obviously, he was glad that she had acquired such a thing, but he felt like she had moved far away from that shy English girl he had known and so far beyond the realm of what he could comprehend and consider safe.

The group of people in the crammed living room was eclectic at best and random at worst, there were children being handed around and people squabbling about things he didn’t quite grasp. And in the very middle of it all, Elena, the woman his ex-wife was sleeping and living with, standing close to a group of men.

Catherina had always been afraid of men and yet she steered him towards them as if drawn by unfathomable forces into their field of gravity.

“There’s not much you can do.” Lin’s father shrugged, patting his son’s back in a comforting manner.

“It’s dirt though.” Jonathan’s father said with a cold severity.

Jeff felt painfully out of place here. They were having a war counsel and he was intruding.

He saw Catherina take Lin’s hand and squeeze it gently, a gesture of solace and love and his heart gave a little jump upon seeing such faith.

“I didn’t want to spring it on you. I’m sorry.” Catherina murmured but Jonathan pushed her apology aside, reassuring her that they knew that she had not tried to hide anything from them.

“I’m sorry that they pulled you into that. Cocky of you to say that you have nothing to do with us when my parents and Jon’s parents for that matter are in your house.” Lin made that face of wry amusement that looked like a tragic mask.

“Yeah, well…” Catherina stammered which made him laugh.

“Why do you go telling people we’re friends?” She then turned the tables on him, to which he simply replied that it was the truth and that he valued their friendship.

“Jesus, you are so adorable.” Catherina threw up her arms in a show of exasperation and planted a kiss on Lin’s cheek immediately afterwards.

“I am. Am I not, Jon?” Lin said cockily, making kissing noises at his friend and turning the full effect of his puppy eyes on him.

“I’m a slave to your adorableness.” Jon smiled, grabbing and kissing his hand laughingly.

“It will wash over, but you need to decide what version of events you want to go with, publicly.” Jeff spoke, kicking himself for speaking up almost automatically, but the eyes turned on him weren’t hostile, they were interested and open.

“Well, that is a matter we shall have to discuss.” Jonathan nodded, cautious as ever.

Things were whirling out of control, he was not ready to let the world in on this love of his but at the same time, he felt like he wasn’t willing to deny what he had either.

They had to think of their families, of their venerable fathers, of those mothers now coming into the room, piling food on the beautiful dinner table.

“Who’s died?” Lulu asked cheerfully when she saw the glum faces in the room and was filled in about what had transpired just a few minutes prior.

Looks were exchanged. Another spiritual gathering of motherly love, of pride and of caution. “Don’t break your mother’s heart.” A thing that had been heard by many of them and which they heeded religiously.

“Well…What do you say, _mija_ , as you are partly in the same boat?” Dolores asked Catherina who was already chewing on a snack that she had grabbed from one of the plates.

“I am not. Nobody cares about what I do. Either way, I am nothing what they had expected me to be, so I don’t think anyone will care when it comes out that I am dating Elena.”

She shrugged, there were many things that would shock her father’s friends and associates and Elena being a woman was just one of them. She was also the daughter of immigrants, of lesser people in the eyes of these men and she was a dancer without a formal degree from an elite college.

Dolores and Lulu looked at each other, wondering if Catherina was lying or if she was just being naïve about the influence she had gained in the last few months.

“I am living my word, am I not?” Catherina laughed, hugging Elena to her tightly.

“What if they ask you again about my son?” Lin’s mother asked then seriously.

“Then I will still tell them to stop pestering people. It is not my place to talk about such things.” Catherina replied simply, shoving another meat-filled pie into her mouth, breathing in around it to cool off the steaming hot piece of food.

“Are you ashamed of us? Did you mind that I told people we’re friends?”

Catherina looked up, both Jonathan and Lin had moments of doubts, of insecurity and she thought that this was not quite the time for such a lapse in faith.

She was tempted to laugh, but she saw the wavering light in their eyes, the flickering candle of love that was denied and her heart jumped in her chest.

“No, I just don’t presume…I am not wont to adorn myself with borrowed plumes. It would sound presumptuous and arrogant to me to claim such a thing when both of you are so renowned and loved by the broad public.” Catherina swallowed her pie even though it was still too hot and her throat burned in response to her rash action.

“That’s just insane.” Lin murmured, stepping towards her to take her hand as he had done a million times before and as he would hopefully do a million times after.

“Maybe, but I am not a creature of the spotlight. I love you, I love you dearly and I could never be ashamed of you. And if this all comes crashing down in a firestorm, I shall still tell people that I do not care about what they want to know or think they know about your private life. And that I love you.” Catherina lifted his hand to her mouth, chuckling when seeing the oblique lines of his eyebrows that ran comically in an almost perfect triangle down his face.

This friendship, these friends, meant everything to her and she would protect them as well as she could.

“What if they were violent? In words or in action?” Clara’s thin voice was heard, cutting through the low murmur that was the background hum in the room.

Catherina froze. It was a good question, she thought, as she looked upon Jonathan’s pale face and the wheelchair, he was sitting in.

“Then I guess, you’d all visit me in prison for Christmas.” Catherina replied which made the old woman smile wisely.

“Yup, we’d have prison sex.” Elena laughed, blushing when she remembered that the room was full of parents and that two small children were there.

Lin’s son just nodded, his face serious and focused.

“Mummy says we must stand together and protect our friends.” He added with a sage nod.

“She means it.” Elena’s father commented, looking at his daughter with a mix of pride and exasperation, for he knew that she’d jump a man twice her height and weight to keep her friends and her lover safe.

“Oh, I wouldn’t let you.” Jonathan interjected, lifting his hands instinctively.

“You’d have no choice.” Catherina’s voice was hard and cold as ice.

She had bled before and she wouldn’t be afraid to take a stand against violence, never had been and never would be. Of course, she was aware that her presence would not dissuade many a man to refrain from violent behaviour, but she wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t run and hide if someone she loved was in danger.

“What has happened to you, young man, is terrible.” Clara lifted her head, her eyes not even pretending to search or find Jonathan in the darkness that surrounded her, “It is unfair, and it is frightening. But, and I want you to believe me, it shall not happen again so easily. Do not feel vulnerable or unprotected or alone. I…How many of us here wish they had been there; that they could have prevented this? Oh, it is a tragedy indeed. For all of us. But the child is right, we must stand together closely. Watch over one another…”

Her voice trailed off and Jonathan looked around at the faces of his friends and family.

“No, it was not your fault. Don’t…don’t resent yourselves for not having been there. It was an accident, a crime, I didn’t ask for it and I’m glad nobody else got hurt. I…” Jonathan screamed out, waving his hands despite the pain in his ribs, desperate to disperse the self-reproach lingering in the air like a bitter smell.

“I should have picked you up.” Lin muttered with that small, broken voice Jonathan hated because it betrayed pain beyond what the tide of purifying emotions like anger or outrage could have burned away.

“No, I said it would be okay. I mean, I’m not happy that this has happened, sure, but it did and it was not your fault. And you?”, he turned to his other friends who looked at him with burning eyes, “You too? I am a grown man as my parents can attest, I can look after myself…”

But he knew that were the roles reversed, he’d feel the same exact way, he’d feel guilty for having been somewhere safe, complacent and content with his lot, while his friend was beaten within an inch of his life. He understood.

Relief flooded him because it had been him. It was a selfish and partly very absurd thought, but he couldn’t imagine entering a hospital room to see Catherina or Ant, or worst of all, Lin in such a state.

“I am sorry you were worried. I am sorry it caused you pain, but I am here and so are you and that’s really all that matters. Let’s eat and use Catherina’s new piano and let the long road to recovery and the press be a worry for another day.” He said feebly and breathed a sigh of relief when all of the guests swarmed over the buffet like the very locusts from the Bible.

Today, he was alive despite someone’s earnest efforts to change that and his friends and family were by his side. This night was his and Catherina’s, it was a night of homecoming, of welcome, of safety.

He would be damned if he let someone or something take that away from him.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afterglow and...love, I guess.
> 
> And the promise of a smidgen of smut. I am not good at it, but I'm trying my best.
> 
> Enjoy <3

11

Humming “Underneath your clothes” under her breath, Catherina helped Dolores bring the last glasses and plates to the kitchen after the guests had left.

Her heart was as light as her lids were heavy, because she had been hugged good-bye by three couples of parents that weren’t her own and Oak her let her take a piggy-back-ride through the garden as well which had her whooping and laughing the whole time.

Anthony and his fiancée had gifted her a vase that they had hand-painted and she put it in her own bedroom to look at it every day to remind her of the love in her life.

Jeff had also stayed until the end, having some deep conversation with Leslie and Chris about God knows what and she had seen him smile once or twice even though he missed his own fiancée who had stayed in London while he was in the States.

All in all, it had been a tiring but wonderful evening.

Before turning in herself, Catherina knocked on the guy’s door and was called in almost immediately.

“Thank you, this is just what I had needed.” Jonathan smiled sleepily having taken his medication and now resting comfortably on the brand-new medical grade mattress that Catherina had bought to replace the old one. She had burned her father’s mattress, together with the awful painting of her as she didn’t need more reminders of a sad childhood.

Clearing her throat now, she took her own gift to the happy couple and carried it into the room, tumbling a little over her own feet.

“What is that?” Struggling to keep his eyes open, Jonathan pushed himself up with a groan.

“Erm…I made it for you, for your own place, but as you’ll be staying here for a little while, I thought you might want it right away.” She said, blushing involuntarily, always a little ashamed of her self-made gifts.

“Oh Catherina. It’s wonderful.” Lin exclaimed when she climbed onto a stool to hang it on the wall so they could see it without getting up.

It was a huge canvas, in the centre a pastel painting of the two of them laughing about a funny story an unseen third had told and around it notes and drawings.

“I took inspiration from Sebastian.” She admitted and pointed to the prominently featured piece of art the boy had given Jonathan at the beginning of the evening.

Over the course of the evening, she had asked all the other guests to write or doodle something that she could pin onto the canvas, replacing the envisioned filling with words and drawings that spoke of love, friendship, devotion, solidarity and encouragement.

“Tomorrow, when it all dawns upon you, I wish you would look more closely and see how much you are loved. Clara was right, this is terrible, but you are not alone in this. Every single person who was here tonight would step between you and harm without hesitation. Even the old and frail. Even very small women like me. Even the child. Don’t forget that when the darkness assails you, don’t forget that there are people with candles and torches just waiting to be called upon.”

And with that, she kissed them both good-night and trudged up, joining Elena in their bed.

“I love you.” Catherina murmured, hugging Elena and covering her neck with little kisses.

They lay there for a moment, both musing and thinking about what had occurred this day and trying to find peace in the darkness.

“Is the old mattress still in the hall?” Elena asked after a second.

“They put it on the stairs to the basement, I’ve checked.” Catherina replied in an instant.

Without another word, the two women got up, put on decent clothing and went down as noiselessly as possible.

They pulled the mattress back into the hall and settled on it, a discreet distance away from the door behind which the two men they loved so much were supposed to be fast asleep by now.

A few minutes later, they heard footsteps and looked up to see Dolores, coming down the passage.

“Keeping watch?” She asked as she saw the women lying in the middle of the foyer.

“You?” Catherina gave back with a little chuckle.

“Yes. I am.” Dolores patted her head, setting a baseball bat down next to the mattress.

She had set an alarm every two hours and wondered if this was what it felt like to have a sick baby, but she had promised, had given her word before God to three women she had come to like this evening that she would lay down her life if necessary to keep their children safe and that she would do.

Lin couldn’t sleep and while Jonathan snored, he shone the flashlight of his phone on the canvas, entranced by the beauty of the painting and the love pouring out of it.

“You up?” He sent Catherina after having wished the Internet good night and fiddling with his phone for some minutes.

“We are just outside your door.” Came the answer and he slipped out of bed to cautiously open the door.

A strange warmth overcame him when he saw his friends, two frail women, lying in the cold foyer, a baseball bat next to them, their eyes lit up by the small candle they had unearthed somewhere.

“What are you doing?” He asked rhetorically, because it was clear what they did, it was the same thing both his parents and Jonathan’s had offered to do: to stand vigil and chase away real and perceived threats.

Catherina knew that he was exactly aware of what was going on. She could see it in his eyes and in the way his ever-fidgeting hands had gone completely still.

So, to distract him, she told him that she liked his parents; the calm dignity of his mother and the way his father gave them a good view into Lin’s future.

“Yeah, he’s cool. He likes you too.” Lin said, shrugging a little, one ear still perked at the regular snoring sounds coming from within the room behind him.

“You don’t have to sleep here. We’re alright. He’s alright.” The last part sounded momentous and they could see how the shadows dancing on Lin’s skin seemed to carve their way into his flesh, leaving dark bruises under his sparkling eyes.

Upon seeing their stubborn faces, he sighed and invited them into the room at least and so, they dragged the mattress into the borrowed chamber to sleep on the floor like the watchdogs they were.

Jonathan woke up aching as if he had aged a thousand years over the night.

The drugs had worn off and his body was on fire, but when he opened his eyes, he saw Lin, snuggled on the very edge of the mattress so as not to disturb him and he could hear other sounds in the room that reminded him of breathing.

Cautiously sitting up, he discovered Catherina and Elena, rolled into their blanket on a ratty mattress on the floor, breathing softly in the dim light filtering through the thin curtains.

The candle was burned to a stump and had left a puddle of wax on the polished floor, phones were flashing in distress because they had not been plugged in and a discarded sweatshirt lay silent and alone in one corner of the room.

A post-it on his bedside table said that he should ring Dolores as soon as he was awake, but he decided not to do that right away even though he was longing for the numbing effect of his medication.

No, for an instant, he wanted to look upon his friends sleeping peacefully, chuckling a little when he saw the baseball bat next to the girls.

There had been worry and there still was fear, he realised, they had had a bad fright.

If the love that surged within him was anything to go by, he could understand them.

For the first time, he really faced the fact that he could have died in the attack. He could have never seen Lin again. He could have missed Catherina’s and Elena’s housewarming, Lin’s son, this very morning with its golden sunlight.

And so, Jonathan thanked a God he didn’t talk to as often as he should to be alive, to be able to reach over and have Lin murmur in his sleep under his caressing palm, to hear Catherina mutter in her dreams and to see the sun again.

In these stolen moments that were entirely his, he thought about his friends coming and preparing the house for Catherina, of the bill she herself had footed without flinching, about Lin calling his parents to tell them about the incident. Jonathan was in awe of the bravery and solidarity they had all shown and it made him feel safer than he had expected to ever feel again.

The old lady had been right, bad things do happen and he was willing to make the best out of the situation, to keep his dearest and nearest from suffering any more than they had to and to put on a brave face.

An alarm vibrated softly, almost inaudible and everybody rose as by magic.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Lin fluttered his lids, evidently exhausted, but feeling Jonathan’s skin calmly.

“Still no fever. And he’s awake.” He then informed the two women who had sat up on their mattress to shoot inquiring glances at the bed.

A moment later, Dolores shoved her head through the door, also looking more tired than he had ever seen her and when she looked into his eyes, a warm smile unfolded on her face.

“I guess you deserve a breakfast in bed.” She laughed and, after telling Catherina that her brother had called from Washington, she disappeared to inform her notorious gang of mothers of the good news.

The kids had made it through the night without incident. Jonathan’s temperature and heartbeat had stayed steady throughout the night and it was time for his first dose of painkillers of the day.

“Did you check on me regularly through the night?” Jonathan asked, aghast.

“Hmm, yes, we had to make sure you wouldn’t develop a fever or go into shock or something.” Catherina shrugged, stretching her sore limbs and slipping back into the sweatshirt.

Jonathan remembered the first two times he had seen her, back in the day when her hair was always perfect and her outfit a shining example of sophisticated grace.

Now, as she was kneeling in sport shorts and an oversized sweater on the mattress, yawning and stretching like a cat, her hair a mess and her face flushed by sleep, she was a thousand times prettier and lovelier than ever before.

“Jesus.” Elena growled, pushing back her dark curls that stuck to every inch of her face and walking over to the window in boxer shorts and a thin tank top.

 _They shouldn’t have_ , Jonathan thought, _it was obvious that this night had taken a toll on them_.

But, when Dolores brought in the breakfast, they all dove in with hunger and enthusiasm, not letting fall another word about it.

It was self-evident to them apparently and Jonathan decided to let it lie, but within his heart, he sent another prayer up to the sky. His mind was barely able to put half of what he felt into words, but he was sure that God would understand nonetheless how grateful he was for the grace and care showered upon him.

“Listen, babies, I love you and all, but I have to work a bit. Will you be alright here? You can ring for Dolores if you need anything.” Catherina then said, while putting together the cutlery and the dishes to take them away.

“I’ll go down and keep the mothers informed.” Elena yawned, sensing that Catherina wanted to give the guys a bit of privacy.

“I strongly recommend you give Jon a sponge-bath.” Catherina then added, winking at Lin in a cheeky way that was so unlike the shy, hushed ghost of a woman they had met some months prior.

“I guess I can do that.” Lin smirked, throwing significant glances at the door leading to the bathroom.


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and light smut. Signature me.
> 
> Enjoy <3

12

Catherina braced herself, went to her bedchamber and sat on the bed as if it was a desk.

Plugging in her phone, she went through her e-mails and missed calls and decided which one was the most urgent.

Fatigue was gnawing at her and she was tempted to just curl up in bed and let the fears that had been locked into a corner of her mind take over and ravage her like a fire until she emerged burned clean from the flames.

Loss was an old friend, threatening to sneak back into her life at every turn of the rocky road she had chosen, and she kept it at bay as best she could, but worse than the loss itself was the constant dread of it. The fear itself was her curse.

With numb fingers, she dialled the number of her shareholders, explained the situation, censoring names and places and promised to drive or fly back as soon as she could.

Then she called Caleb back who had returned to his dogs and to his empty house in Washington D.C. to be her right-hand-man and to keep the discontented old men in check.

He could hear how tired she really was and it broke his heart, but he also knew that he could tell her to rest as much as he wanted without ever getting her anywhere closer to her bed.

She needed something to do, something easy that wouldn’t hurt her further, but gave her the chance to leave the house and its new ghosts. To step away from the pain and the angst inside of her, so, he proposed that she’d go down to see how the transformation of her old house was progressing. She could pick some colours or materials and call it a day.

Catherina agreed to this, it was a good, healthy thing to do and it wouldn’t demand too much of her limited brain capacity.

Kissing Elena good-bye, she walked out the door in a pair of dark grey trousers and a bright yellow jumper out of finest wool. She looked the part of the casual businesswoman even though she felt like a little girl again, like an orphan, and she hated it.

The warm water ran over Lin’s skin like kisses and he let his lids slide shut over eyes that felt like they were filled with sand and grit.

Jonathan was just beyond the curtain, sitting in a chair, waiting for him to finish.

And for one moment, Lin was alone in the tiny wet space and he allowed himself a few silent tears of gratitude and suppressed pain.

“I can hear you cry.” Jonathan sighed and Lin bit his lip hard.

Looking down, he was dismayed. At almost 40 years old, he was no longer what he had been in his younger days, he felt heavier, weighed down by years of struggle and experiences such as this that had shaped his way of looking at the world.

This was not the moment to break though, this was neither the time nor the place to let go of that energy that carried him to the most amazing places and he was inwardly pleading that the star that had shone on him so mercifully all his life might not relinquish its grip on him just yet.

There was so much he wanted to do, to see, to write and Jonathan ending up in hospital reminded him of his own mortality and of the fact that life was fleeting, but a heartbeat, but the flutter of a wing, but the batting of an eye.

He wanted more, wanted to expand time itself by applying the sheer power of his will onto it to stretch it beyond the years that were given to humans.

As he wasn’t a man to harbour regrets, he didn’t want to turn back time, no, he wanted it to go on, wanted another hundred years of music and love, of friendship and family, he wanted to see what the world would look like a thousand years from now.

Everything could be torn away from him on a whim, a chance encounter, a freak accident and he refused this.

The steady flow of water and the absence of the calming scent of shampoo brought him back to the present where his boyfriend waited for him to wash up and Lin went through the motions of the ritual almost mechanically, suddenly eager to lay his eyes once again upon Jonathan’s face.

Stepping out of the bathtub, he affixed the chair Catherina had set against the door in it and helped Jonathan out of his clothes and unto said chair.

It was white plastic and less than comfortable, but Jonathan was a good soldier, putting on a brave face as his glorious ass made a smacking sound on the unforgiving surface.

Lin knelt in the foam his own shower had left on the bottom of the tub, coating it in a slippery film of quickly vanishing memories.

He smiled when he saw that Catherina had also put a washing cloth out, a soft rag meant for babies, light blue with a duckling on it.

“This is undignified.” Jonathan complained as Lin started rubbing the cloth over his calves in slow circles, kneeling between his open legs.

That was not how he had imagined getting naked with his boyfriend after his long absence and he resented the fact that every single movement he made sent shivers of pain down his spine.

“Hush.” Lin shushed him softly, working his way steadily up his legs, in a careful, patient manner that was very unlike himself and yet, very predictable.

He was thankful for this chance to gauge Jonathan’s injuries, to feel his warm, living, flushed skin under his hands and to look upon that expressive face that had brought him all the way to screens and stages all over the world.

He worked his way carefully around the bandages, only dabbing at the broken ribs that had spread a rainbow on the pristine white canvas of Jonathan’s body.

“Can you lean back a tad?” He then asked, stepping out and back in behind the chair to wash Jonathan’s hair.

Grumbling, Jonathan shifted, well knowing that he could never lift his arms high enough to wash his own hair and aware that Lin loved his hair. Still, it was degrading to be this vulnerable in front of someone to whom he wanted to appear as being strong and attractive.

How sexy was it to be an infirm invalid? Not at all.

When Jonathan was washed and rinsed, his shame had driven new sweat to the surface of his skin and his face was a deep crimson.

He had expected that Lin would heave him out again, glad to be done with his chore, so he was surprised when Lin came back to his original spot, leaning his cheek against Jonathan’s thigh with a small sob.

“I love you. I’m so happy you’re alright, more or less. I could not have lost you…” He sighed and hugged Jonathan’s leg spasmodically.

“I love you too…And I am sorry you have to do this.” Jonathan replied, wondering if Catherina hadn’t said that there would be a nurse.

“Please, please, I’m begging you. Let me do this. It comforts me and I’ve missed you so much, I’ve missed your skin and your voice and these moments of casual, domestic intimacy. Do you remember how I would sneak into the shower just to get you flustered? How it all started?”

And Jonathan did remember and smiled.

“There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am…I am…You’ve met my parents, haven’t you? I am them, at least partly, and I want to take care of you. You’re mine. I want to be the one who washes you and makes sure you don’t get hurt. Allow me that, please?”

How could he have denied him that? Jonathan sighed and pushed his own pride and selfish shame aside, dismissed it from his mind and let the love flood in instead.

“Of course, you may. You do this very well…” Jonathan smiled down at him, disregarding his screaming ribs when he lifted his hand to place it on Lin’s scalp, raking his fingers through the wet hair that had grown in his absence and now framed that beautiful face shaggily.

If the roles had been reversed, he would have claimed this right as well. He had sworn a solemn vow to take care of Lin’s body, to make sure that it got enough food and not too much coffee, that it was rested when it needed to be and that it was moved in the open air often enough to keep it from turning into a vampire state.

“In sickness and in health, huh?” He joked, but the gaze Lin shot up to him from his position was not amused at all. It was earnest and deep and yearning.

“Yes.” He sighed and planted a kiss on the inside of Jonathan’s thigh that made his blood simmer immediately and drove the blood from his flushed cheeks into other regions of his body.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, he knew that were Jonathan to flinch or jerk somehow, he could hurt himself really badly and yet, he couldn’t withstand the siren’s call of the soft, wet skin laying exposed before his very face.

After all, he was just a man and he was pretty sure that it was a forgivable offense to desire one’s own boyfriend.

 _This is perfect_ , Jonathan thought, breathing hurt and Lin’s lips on his skin made breathing impossible and unnecessary.

Another kind of burn flowed through his blood now, setting his body aflame, a clean, healthy fire that made him slightly dizzy but didn’t hurt him.

It was far from that sickly, slithering ache that tasted of inflammation and discomfort; this was rushing through his system turning all the pain to ashes and he welcomed it with a sigh.

“I shouldn’t.” Lin murmured, his lips grazing the parts of Jonathan he said he didn’t want to awaken.

 _Too late, too late for turning back now, too late for reconsidering, much too late_ , Jonathan mused, planting both his feet as firmly as the slippery ceramic underground permitted it on the ground and tilting up his hips.

There was a lot of sighing now, here, in the borrowed bathroom of Catherina’s brand-new house, but the women had left and Dolores was somewhere beyond the kitchen and nobody could hear them moan and pant softly, the sounds reverberating in the enclosed space of the bathtub.

Lin would never know how much healing Jonathan got out of this, how important it was to him that he was given back that part of himself that was slowly slipping away from his battered and bruised body. He was still alive, still more or less whole and he wanted to be desired, to be looked upon with love and desire rather than pity.

The presence of his parents and the women’s tender care were comforting, but they also made him feel like a sick child, fragile, wounded and by extension less worthy.

The sound slipping out from between his clenched teeth was one of primal fury, of a release much awaited, of fierce life.

“Thank you.” He smiled down on Lin, still caressing his head, his fingers entangled in dark strands of hair.

“No, thank you. Let me get you out and then we can go for a stroll in the garden if you feel up to it?” Lin stepped out and prepared the fluffy towels Catherina had placed on the radiator in wise precaution.

There were so many forms of love. Lin wanted to make Jonathan feel every single one of them and, if he was honest, there was a part selfish greed in his actions as well.

After all the time that had passed, after everything that had happened, he had to check if what they had built was still there, still going strong and he felt relieved to see Jonathan’s flushed face smiling tenderly as he turned around with the towel.

This face was all he had longed to see in the long weeks of separation and now that it was back in his life, so close that he could touch it by reaching out a hand, made him feel like he had finally returned into his own body, as if the dust of the sandstorm had settled and the calm, clear dawn had broken at last.

“Yes, let’s go into the garden.” Jonathan nodded, feeling and looking much better all of a sudden.


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tad of drama today...
> 
> Enjoy...  
> A special thanks to the people who left Kudos and comments, you make my day <3

13

Catherina struggled through another encounter with a reporter who wanted to hear her take on things that she had no intention of talking about with a complete stranger.

Waving her colour swaps at the man in an ominous fashion, she walked away as fast as her short legs allowed and cursed herself for having taken the subway rather than the car.

Generally, she loved melting into the crowd, surrendering her identity to the beast with a thousand heads, every single one of them caught up in its own questions and questing.

Now, she felt worn and heavy, every collision with another body rattling her bones and she almost took the wrong train in her lassitude. She no longer lived there, that alabaster and marble palace was no longer her home and a nagging need spread in her belly.

She wanted desperately to be home, to see Elena, to know that the guys were safe and sound and that none of the grime she felt sticking to her skin would reach them.

Walking up to the house, she met Sebastian who, holding his mother’s hand, smiled up at her with the innocent joy only children knew.

He asked her to teach him how to draw a real dinosaur and she remembered Elena and her love for the stupid little comics she sometimes drew to amuser her girlfriend.

“Sure.” She replied immediately, making a mental note to brush up on her dinosaurs at home to fulfil the task set before her as well as she possibly could.

The radiant grin of gratitude that followed her willingness to draw with him, turned the little boy into a miniature sun and Catherina was about to shield her eyes.

 _That’s what a child should look like_ , she thought with a pang of jealousy, remembering her own haunted eyes and the small, puckered mouth shut tight so as not to let anything slip that might dismay her father.

Feeling tears well up in her eyes, she quickly said good-bye and hastened her pace to reach the house, almost running by the time she arrived at the door.

Distant laughter was carried on the light breeze to her and she went straight through to the garden, to find Lin and Jonathan in lively conversation.

Finally, the tears spilled as she stood, pressed against the wall, watching her friends.

Memories flitted through her mind, of their own flooded eyes, for she had both of them seen overcome with emotion and they had seen her crying her heart out on the cold floor of a lonely church.

With a start, she realised that she hadn’t seen a man cry since the day they had taken her brother away after her mother’s demise. For a long time, she had thought that it was something men didn’t do at all, at least not for real, but since that time, many things had changed and she had held a hysterical Lin in her arms outside a hospital room.

She knew for certain that she would never be washed clean of those tears, that they had burned marks in the shape of love letters into her soul like acid.

Turning back, she went to her piano and tickled single, mournful notes out of it, singing along to them whatever came to her, from “Feels like home” to “Here without you” thinking about the intimate way she usually cried, hiding her face and screaming inwardly rather than in an audible way.

“Catherina?” Lin walked up to her, pressing a hand to her back, waiting.

She looked up and saw concern in those dark eyes, which made her tears flow only in a quicker, noiseless stream down her ivory face.

“What has happened?” He pushed her over with his ass, tucking her whole body under his arm and holding her close as he sat on the small bench beside her.

“I’ve seen you cry, you know?” She managed to get out, even though this was a thought that made nearly no sense at all, out of context.

“Yes, I’ve seen you cry too. I’ve seen you cry about Puerto Rico, Hamilton, slaves, Jonathan. What about it?” He mussed her hair a little and she chuckled ruefully.

“Oh, it’s just…It surprises me that I have seen men cry.” She huffed softly, trying to steady her breath.

“Why? Those two weep all the time for nothing at all.” Elena walked in, grinning brightly, holding paper bags full of groceries and other stuff that she had bought in a flight of fancy.

Jonathan rolled in from the garden where Lin had left him unceremoniously and denied that accusation in mock indignation.

“Another thing,” Elena said, putting down the bags and reaching behind her to pick something up from the doorstep, “what are those?”

She handed Catherina a bouquet of beautiful, blood-red roses which her girlfriend snatched up hastily. She then turned away from them to read the accompanying card, sighing softly.

“A man from the post office has brought them.” Elena offered, but nobody replied.

Taking out her phone, she typed in the number written on the thick, embossed paper and sent a small message, shoving the card itself into her pocket with an almost aggressive gesture and tossing the bouquet on the stairs.

Petals rained down the steps, but Catherina didn’t even look up.

“Reina, what is it? Who the fuck sends you roses?” Elena looked alarmed by Catherina’s behaviour and that reaction was heightened a thousand times when she saw Catherina shake her head in a silent refusal to explain.

“Maybe, we could watch a film tonight? Then you can see us all cry some more?” Jonathan proposed cheerfully, sensing the tension in the foyer and the unspoken words that filled the air with an unbearable pressure all of a sudden.

Catherina wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t as by that very message she had just sent, she had accepted another invitation.

One she could and would not explain to her friends or her love.

“I am…busy tonight. But…have fun.” She mumbled and walked upstairs in a robotic motion, her shoulders barely moving and her legs moving awkwardly as if pulled by some invisible force.

“No way.” Elena huffed, sprinting after her girlfriend while Lin grabbed the roses, smelling them shamelessly.

“Those are the good ones.” He sighed and caressed a petal tenderly.

Jonathan nodded, but he couldn’t have cared less for roses, Baccara or otherwise. What he thought about was Elena’s pale face, the shock, the suspicion.

He wasn’t sure if Catherina had really made her relationship with Elena public and even though she did nothing to hide it, saying it loud and clear for everyone to hear was another thing as he and Lin had discovered only recently.

Also, nobody knew that he and Lin were here so the roses had to be for Catherina. Elena had taken them from the messenger, so if they had been for her, she wouldn’t have given them to Catherina, she would have known.

Consequently, not only didn’t Elena receive the roses delivered to the doorstep, she also didn’t send them herself AND she had no idea who had done so.

The only thing all of them knew right now was that Catherina had been given a beautiful bouquet of roses and that she was going out tonight.

“What is going on? Where are you going? Who are the roses from?” Elena asked in a flat voice as she stormed into the bathroom where she saw Catherina’s outline behind the shower curtain.

“Nothing. All is okay. I have a…meeting tonight. I’m sorry, it was not planned.” Catherina replied, her voice muffled by the running water and the piece of fabric between them.

“What the ever-loving fuck, Reina?” With a sharp tug, Elena drew back the curtain and glared at her wet, glistening girlfriend.

“What?” Catherina barked back, pulling the curtain back and going on with her shower.

“Very well, have it your way.” Elena growled, too proud to beg for an answer and knowing Catherina too well to believe she could force one out of her by a fight as long as Catherina was not ready to open up.

Struggling against the tears of anger and fear, Elena stomped back into the bedroom, only to find a ravishing dress laid out on the bed.

It was definitely not the kind of dress one would wear for a business-meeting: long and of the same colour than the roses, it had an interesting cut that slightly reminded her of a royal coat with a broad, stiff ribbon of fabric that would embrace Catherina’s shoulders and frame them delicately.

Elena ran her fingers over the silky, heavy fabric that would flow like a river of blood down Catherina’s curves, exposing the white scars underneath her palpitating, white throat but covering the long gash on her arm at least partly.

Catherina had always loved dresses that flared around the hips, a discreet homage paid to the ball-gowns of another time and Elena felt the tears run down her face.

This was one of Catherina’s better dresses, it was the uniform of the person she had been raised to be and that told Elena enough.

Rushing down the stairs as soon as she heard the water turn off, Elena was blind with tears by the time she made it back downstairs, feeling like she was not running at all but falling while all the joy she had felt only moments earlier was sucked out of her.

Maybe, good feelings were like warm air and so, they drifted ever upwards while she was plummeting, but she definitely had the impression that everything was slipping through her fingers and out of her hands.

“What did she say?” Lin asked cautiously when he saw Elena appear, regretting it an instant later when he saw her face.

“Nothing.” Elena sobbed, throwing herself in Lin’s arms.

She couldn’t tell them about the dress or about the scent of Catherina’s showergel. They were men, they wouldn’t understand all the little rituals women went through for special occasions and they would certainly not grasp the importance of those changes in the daily shower Catherina took.

Elena though knew, she had known Catherina for long enough to know what it meant when she used the discreetly perfumed soap from France or when she laid out the black pearls her mother once had worn. Those were pieces of armour against fear and insecurity, but also lures.

Catherina planned on looking her best tonight and she wouldn’t tell her who she did it for.

Jealousy and hurt rummaged through Elena’s chest as she tried to catch her breath.

They were from a man.

Jonathan was sure, he could almost smell the testosterone on the petals lying on the floor.

Men sent women roses as a means to seduction and from what he could gather from the blubbering out of Elena’s mouth, she had the same suspicion.

Catherina was going out with a man and she didn’t tell them who and why.

He knew exactly how he’d feel if Lin was going out with a mystery woman and he felt for Elena.

They had managed the ex-spouses, the family, the press but how could they have forgotten that the world was full of people and that their loved ones were, at least theoretically, not immune to their charms?

His eyes flitted back to the roses, expensive flowers, carelessly thrown on the ground.

Not only a man then, a man of means, as was to be foreseen with Catherina. They all talked a good game about changing and about becoming someone else, but at the end of the day, Catherina was young and nubile and filthy rich.

Of course, she would attract men. Rich men. Influential men.

They heard movement on the upper floor and fled into the living room from where they could observe the driveway, hidden behind the curtains and feeling like little perverts.

There was no car to be seen.

The door slammed open and shut and they saw Catherina hurriedly walking down the street. She wore the most stunning dress Jonathan had ever seen and tasteful jewellery glistened in the fading light while her high-heeled shoes clacked down the path.

“She’s not even letting anyone see where she lives. Damn, she’s hiding us.” Elena sobbed, resting her face against the cold pane of the window as she watched her girlfriend disappear into the gloom like the very heart-blood pooling in the pit of her stomach.

Jonathan wanted to say something but he didn’t know what. What could make this any better ?


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today...cake and unwanted attentions...
> 
> Enjoy <3

14

Catherina was not, in fact, hiding them.

What she was hiding was the person she went to see.

As she hailed a cab, nervously wringing her hands and fighting the urge to scratch herself bloody, she struggled against the tears. She knew she had hurt Elena, but she couldn’t tell her the truth. Not this time. Not about this.

She alighted around Madison Park, rolling her shoulders to slip back into the discarded skin of the heiress that she had pulled out of the dusty boxes together with the designer dress and plastered a gentle smile on her lips.

“Ah…Catherina.” The man had waited in front of the top-notch restaurant for her.

He had high cheekbones and hazelnut-brown eyes under dark and heavy brows, a pleasant smile and an irreproachable posture as it was befitting for someone of his standing.

She greeted him by his title, but he waved it away carelessly, insisting that she should call him “Javi”, an affectionate version of “Javier”, the first of many Christian names.

He led her to a private table in the dining room, pulling out the chair for her and still smiling affably while he took his own seat.

“So, you’ve taken an interest in your family tree?” He then said, unrolling a large document he had brought in one of those ridiculous tubes reserved for paintings and important papers.

Catherina had indeed made discreet inquiries into the different branches of her father’s family and soon afterwards, a Spanish noble woman had contacted her.

As Catherina had been eager to get back to New York, she had been unwilling to make a detour and visit said woman in Spain, so her very own son had come to New York to talk to Catherina and as she had been the one to kick this off, it would have been rude to refuse.

Nonetheless, while she listened to the man talking about their proud history, about what he called the “islands” where they had “shaken” “savages” out of their palm trees and about the glory of the monarchy and the conquest, Catherina realised that they had misunderstood her interest completely.

A part of her had feared as much.

Clearly, this man knew nothing about what Catherina did and where her loyalties lay. 

The entrée was served and Catherina was desperate to change the subject, dreading the tears that clumped at the back of her throat like a viscous, solid mass threatening to spill out in a ball of pure sadness.

Javier caressed the map of his ancestors with a single digit, tracing the lines leading to his own name written in almost shockingly black ink on the faded document.

“I am of the purest of blood.” He bragged. Catherina nodded, commenting that she had noticed even though she had not given it a single thought if she was honest.

“So, tell me about you.” He demanded in a voice that held the ghost of an accent but was all in all very refined; he was not the kind of man to swear when he stubbed his toe or to cry in front of a sad movie.

“My blood is red.” Catherina replied with an off-hand shrug, delicately shoving St. Jacques mussels into her mouth to avoid having to talk much more.

“No, I meant…Are you seeing someone? Maybe I could take you home, later?”

She cocked an eyebrow but didn’t reply which made him apologise for being so forward and then he fell into a contented silence.

Holier-than-thou, confident and sophisticated, Javier was sure of his charms and that little woman with all her money would be worth his while, he thought. He had made an offer for her some ten years ago, but her father had preferred money over an aristocratic title.

Well, her father was no more and she looked available enough with her ringless fingers and her pretty little face, framed by hair too short for a woman and displaying an almost stubborn expression.

He would win her over, of that he was sure.

“Oh! Look at us! Just look at us!” Elena cried out when they turned off the TV after having watched a particularly dramatic movie.

Puffy eyes, blotchy skin and sweatpants. She let her gaze rest upon the wild tangles of Lin’s hair and on Jonathan’s crooked way of sitting before considering her own boyish body and the untamed chaos of her own locks.

“What’s wrong with us?” Jonathan asked, discreetly wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

“We are a fucking mess. What if he is a prince? Or a billionaire? What can we offer that a man like that couldn’t?”

And there they were, her worst fears, the ghost that followed her every step.

Catherina had grown up a certain way and yet, there were many steps she could climb if she chose to, indeed, she could rise above her station and become more than just a rich businesswoman. Elena was afraid that she wanted to.

“Singers, dancers, songwriters. Oh, come on, we are the fools, people like that pay to amuse them in court.” She knew that she was being unfair, disregarding all of their talent and the success they had known over the last few years, but that awful feeling of not being good enough made her mean.

Lin flinched because part of him knew that this was true, Catherina was unlike them in so many ways and yet, he had grown so fond of her that he felt a tinge of absurd jealousy. Her old life couldn’t have her back.

“Come here.” Jonathan invited and held Elena in his arms, murmuring that he understood and she believed him, she knew that he could feel her angst and her pain, that he knew exactly what risk they had been accepting when they decided to date people who were at best bisexual and at worst, making an exception for their sake.

“She will explain, she must.” He whispered, but deep inside him, he was not sure that Catherina would ever divulge anything she’d rather keep to herself.

As her friend, he had to believe that she had a good reason to not tell Elena or Lin or himself where she was going and with whom.

“Should we wait up for her?” Lin asked, pacing through the room, fidgeting with decorations and pulling the curtains closed and then open again a few times.

As if they had a choice, Jonathan mused, suddenly desperate himself to busy his hands with something.

“Maybe…we should bake a cake or something? Something?” Elena was beside herself with panic and doubt, so they agreed even though they weren’t sure what a cake would change in the end.

It had been 3 hours since Catherina had departed and they hadn’t heard a single word from her in all that time, so if they wanted to stay up and wait for her, they had better find something to do in the meantime.

Time was creeping and Catherina really started to regret having accepted the invitation.

Javier pressed his suit in an elegant and discreet fashion and for a second, just for a tiny moment, she could envision it.

She would then be a titled woman, waking up in some beautiful villa in the south of Spain, looking over the vast land bathed in sunlight and smiling at her husband.

It was not him that seduced her into that daydream, it was the notion of returning to roots that were her own, of having a family and a legacy, a mother-in-law, a name.

It would have been a lie to say that, for the blink of an eye, she wasn’t tempted to renounce her struggle and her strive and return to a life of long nights and bright mornings.

Of anonymity. Of helplessness. Of being part of the problem.

With a start, she came back to reality and saw the man in front of her for what he really was: a conceited, self-important, complacent fool who lived of the fruits a rotten tree produced endlessly.

He thought she was impressed with the family history he had laid out before her, that she would be in awe when hearing how they had subjugated and mistreated indigenous people, enamoured with the aura of sickening power they still surrounded themselves with.

“So, can I bring you home?” He asked after the waitress had cleared their plates away.

She was a young woman, cheerful and friendly, and still Javier had treated her with cold politeness, never returning her smiles and twice waving her away as if she was an animal or a servant that could be easily dismissed.

“No. I am quite capable of finding my way home.” Catherina replied with the same cold precision, not shying away from his intensive gaze.

“Oh, but it would be my pleasure.” His voice was becoming suave, warm, trickling down her spine like venom when he thought he was pouring honey down her senses.

Catherina knew she didn’t want him there, didn’t want him in her neighbourhood, not in her street and definitely not anywhere near the house where she kept her most valued treasures.

For all she cared, he could have come and robbed her blind, but she wouldn’t expose Elena or the men to someone so disgustingly arrogant.

“No, thank you. I…”, Catherina hesitated, “I don’t live alone and I don’t think my housemates would much care for you.”

His eyebrows shot up in a most unattractive manner.

“Roommates? Aren’t you too old and too rich to have roommates?”

He uttered the word as if it was something filthy, as if loneliness and isolation were a pedigree of sorts.

“I am not. One of them is my significant other after all and the others are my dearest friends.” Catherina answered, smilingly turning down the waitress’s offer to bring them the dessert menu.

“Oh, so you are in a relationship? Hmm, I am sorry then to have ingratiated myself overly. May I ask who this, no doubt very illustrious and influential, gentleman is, so I can pay him my respects for having secured such an excellent female?”

Catherina closed her eyes to disguise the fact that she was rolling her eyes so hard that she could see the back of her skull.

“Her name is Elena. She’s one of those “island savages” you referred to before.

Thank you so much for dinner and for the information you have so graciously provided. Also, make sure to give my heartfelt thanks to your dear mother, may she have a long and prosperous life.”

Catherina tried to get up, but Javier gripped her wrist almost brutally, pulling her back down.

“A woman? An immigrant? I shall not retract my suit in that case. You deserve better.

As for my mother, she has not raised her son to be a coward. I would have deferred to a man surpassing me in importance and quality, but I shall not resign myself to losing a price such as you to another woman.”

Catherina gasped in shock.

“I’ll have you know that I do not appreciate being called a “female” or a “prize”. Moreover, I would strongly urge you not to press that matter further.”

But as she saw the fire in his eyes, she knew that nothing she could say or do now would change his mind.

He would indeed try to win her heart and her money and she wished him the best of luck with that, because he was in for quite a humbling reality-check if he didn’t desist right away.

“Oh, she’s coming back.” Elena whispered as she saw Catherina stomp up the driveway again, gathering her dress at the knees with two hands and obviously fuming with rage.

“Hmmm, yeah, well…” Lin looked down on his sweater covered in flour and lifted his arms helplessly.

“I’m not sure we’ll convince her of our superiority to her date in this state.” He laughed, trying to dissimulate his own discomfort.

“That remains to be seen.” Jonathan contradicted and gestured towards the cake that sat, plump and moist, in the middle of the low table, waiting to be eaten.


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tad of mystery today...and a lot of questions...
> 
> Enjoy

15

The first thing that hit Catherina when she walked through the door was the scent.

She had never smelled anything like it in her own house, stepping through her own door and it took a moment for her to pinpoint what it was that filled her nostrils and heart.

“We baked a cake.” A tiny voice coming from below her.

Her eyes fell on Jonathan, sitting in his wheelchair in the open door of the living room, gesturing towards the inviting room and the cake sitting on the table as if waiting for her.

“Ah.” She said, turning to the stairs to go to bed, not knowing what to do with that information. She was exhausted and she felt like her heart and soul were slowly torn apart by the different feelings and needs within her.

“Join us for a moment?” Jonathan asked, the pleading so obvious in her voice that she wanted to cry. She hadn’t just hurt Elena, she had hurt all of them, she realised with a twinge of regret in her heart.

“I am really tired, but yeah, sure.” Catherina followed him into the room and was met by a wall of silence from Elena and insecure fidgeting from Lin.

“So…how was your meeting?” Lin asked after a moment of awkward silence.

Catherina thought back on her father, on the press, on Henry. She was tired of fighting for what she thought was right and yet, she knew she could and would never stop.

The words Javier had uttered had burned themselves into her mind, his quiet disdain of other people, the underlying and complacent certainty of being superior and the lack of mindfulness and reflexion about his own person.

These ghosts had become reality.

Jonathan had been beaten up and Elena had been passed over for a job because of her family name and Catherina was sick and tired of it, she felt like she had not made a single inch of progress in all of these months, that no matter how hard she tried, nothing would ever change.

“It was taxing.” She replied, rubbing her palms over her eyes, spreading makeup and mascara all over her face until she looked like a demented clown.

“You still…you won’t tell us?” Lin pressed on, biting his lip when Catherina’s face closed and her mouth turned into a hard, unforgiving line.

Catherina would have loved to tell them, to unburden herself, but this, this she couldn’t unload upon her friends.

To be completely honest, she felt dirty, she felt ashamed to even have given a second of her time to someone that abject as Javier and to have enjoyed it at the beginning.

He was part of the direct history of her friends, it was different than having a link to slavery, because this was the very crime perpetrated against “the islands” and the “savages” that were the cradle and ancestors of people she loved with all her heart.

Elena had the suspicion that Catherina had cheated on her and Catherina herself felt like that was exactly what she had done. She had betrayed her best friend and lover by having dinner with Javier. Not because he was a man. Not because they had had sex.

No, because he was the oppressor, the conquistador, the fist that had crushed the freedom and the peace of many a people.

Also, he was a step back into the life she had known and it had felt good for a second to be this woman again: sophisticated, cold, in control, courted and admired.

The fine food, the elegant _ambiente_ , it had all felt so familiar and charming.

As her eyes fell on the three people in front of her now, it became very clear to her that she would never be able to go back for good and she felt immeasurably ashamed of her momentary lapse of faith and of her weakness.

Elena still refused to even look at her, but Catherina could see the hurt in her posture.

And then, a piece of cake was lifted into her field of vision and she took it from Jonathan with a few short words of thanks before biting into it.

The taste of cinnamon and vanilla flooded her tongue and she was about to collapse into a weeping mess.

Cinnamon and vanilla, spice and homely sweetness, so symbolic, so representative of the persons that looked at her with mortally wounded and yet proud eyes.

They were warmth. After the crystalline cold of Javier, of the diamonds and the white lights of the restaurant, after the huge ruby clinging like a blood clot on the man’s fingers, the warm, diffuse light in her own living room and the warmth of living, breathing bodies slowly seeped into her body and consciousness.

Catherina sighed.

“That’s a good cake.” She lauded, mumbling “Good night” into the round and turning away to retreat into her own room to have a good cry.

She could hear the breath drawn into three sets of lungs, the shivering, the words unspoken, but she set one foot in front of the other until she closed the door behind her and collapsed, silently crying.

This was the way she had cried all her life, noiseless, the tears streaming down her face, her breath stumbling out of her lungs in a barely audible whoosh.

Mumbling to herself in French and German, Catherina pulled her knees to her chest, lying on the floor in a tight ball and just cried.

In this moment, she missed the home she had once known, the rolling hills of the English countryside, her mother’s smile, her brother’s hooting.

 _Oh my god, I’m losing my mind, now I’m longing for times that have ever been in the past, for a childhood that had been cut short by tragedy_ , Catherina thought, disgusted.

The truth remained nonetheless, she was not American, she had been raised in England, she had studied in France and in Germany, her family lived in Canada. She had never been American, and she would never be.

She had been offered to return to Europe, to return to the destiny once foreseen for her and she had baulked at that without even having a real alternative.

Getting a green card was almost impossible, she knew. So, did she intend to spend her life on and off in a country that wasn’t even welcoming her?

Confusion conjured up a thick veil around her and when she had shed all the tears her body could come up with, she just lay there wondering what to do with her life. Languages and places swirled around in her mind, blurring into a gaping hole of chaos.

A distant ringing sound drilled into her numbed mind and it took a few seconds until she realised that it was her own phone that rang somewhere downstairs.

Retracing her steps mentally, Catherina remembered that she had left her handbag on the steps upon entering and that her phone was inside… probably.

She felt no desire to retrieve it, but she didn’t want to annoy the others with the constant ringing either, so she wiped her face and pulled herself up slowly.

Elena stared at the ringing handbag, tempted to go get the phone and pick up the call.

A day ago, she would have done just that without hesitating, but now, she was no longer sure that she was allowed to breach Catherina’s privacy in that manner, and she hated the insecurity gnawing at her raw nerve endings.

Jonathan took her hand as they heard Catherina’s dragging feet on the stairs and then the heavy thump as she sat down and fished her mobile out of the evening clutch.

“No, sorry, I didn’t have my phone with me.” They heard her say, her voice thick with tears and fatigue and the look they exchanged was full of pity and doubt.

“You are not welcome here. No, I shall not tell you where I live. You shall not send anything. Well, then send it to the business headquarters in London.”

Anger made Catherina’s voice rise, but it wasn’t the pitch that confused her friends and housemates, it was the language.

Her Spanish was wooden and clumsy though grammatically correct and Elena’s eyes widened as she heard it.

Usually, Catherina would only speak Spanish to Elena’s family and her voice would be warm and tender, but Elena had never heard her mother-tongue roll so harshly and unforgivingly out of Catherina’s golden throat.

She would only do that if Spanish was the only language she shared with the other person, or if she was tired and confused to the point of no longer making a difference between the languages she spoke, letting herself be led by the choice of the other person.

“I am sorry.” Catherina did NOT sound sorry in the least.

The laugh she coughed out was exempt of humour and Elena hugged herself behind the door that separated her from the woman she loved.

“Thank you for dinner.” Catherina said and then…silence.

The same heavy steps were heard going upstairs again and, in their wake, an oppressive vacuum of sound and meaning wafted.

“What was that about?” Lin wondered aloud.

The significance of the language had not escaped him either and he was at a loss.

Jonathan fiddled with his phone, he had seen a headline in one of the sensational newspapers that an infamous Spanish noble had shown up in New York.

It would have been too much of a coincidence if that man was the man Catherina had had dinner with, but he couldn’t shake the suspicion.

Then again, he didn’t want to distress his friends because why make them even more nervous?

He knew that Elena would have a full-blown panic attack as this was exactly what she had feared, that some rich kid would come and woo Catherina away with promises of an easy life in a tightly knit family circle.

They had all seen the fatigue in Catherina’s face, in her voice, in her demeanour. What if she was sick and tired of the life she had chosen and wanted to backtrack and go back to being safe and sound?

Having an invalid and a hyper-nervous genius in her house wouldn’t make her relax either, so maybe, just maybe, they had all become too much for the woman to bear and she was looking for ways out of the hell she had created for herself.

The pang that jolted through him was excruciatingly painful and had nothing to do with his injuries.

He didn’t want to be a shackle on Catherina’s ankle, the ball and chain she dragged on stubbornly, because she was too proud to say that she had bitten off more than she could chew.

She was hiding something and for some reason, Jonathan was pretty sure that maybe he could coax it out of her.

Catherina’s eyes had darted away from both Lin and Elena, but whenever he had addressed her, she had at least tentatively reacted.

And then there was that thing about the language, he was sure it was somehow important and as both Elena and Lin were native speakers, it might have a bearing on this mystery.

Resolutely, he pushed himself out of the wheelchair, taking a deep breath when his knees wanted to fold under him, forcing himself to step out into the hall.

“Jon? What are you doing?” Lin sounded alarmed, but Jonathan would not let him hold him back.

“You two stay here. I will be right back.” He hissed between gritted teeth, trying hard not to show how much pain he was in.

“But…” Lin protested but he knew Jonathan’s face and he knew that expression. Nothing on earth would keep him from what he was intending to do now.

“Call if you need us.” Elena whispered, tears in her eyes. She looked deadly pale and they all knew how hard the last few hours had been for her.

For her sake alone, Jonathan would find out what was going on.

The steps took forever to climb and once or twice, Jonathan felt like he might just pass out, but he made it to the landing and knocked on the door.

“It’s me. Jon. Can I talk to you please?” He called, out of breath and desperately in need of a chair.

The door flew open and Catherina’s tear-sodden face appeared, panting and staring at him in disbelief.


	16. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth, a heroic climb and lots of love...
> 
> Enjoy <3
> 
> (Thank you so much for the still incoming kudos and comments, I love you all more than words can say!)

16

“Sweet Mother of Mercy. How did you get up here?” Catherina gasped, pulling Jonathan into the room and making him sit down on her bed immediately.

“On those sturdy legs nature has given me.” Jonathan replied sarcastically and patted them softly, which wrought a smile from Catherina.

She looked just as miserable as Elena, he thought.

Her dress was bundled up in a corner and she wore a corselet of dark red silk that pushed her breasts alluringly up. Had he been a heterosexual man, he would definitely have enjoyed the sight of her pale, shapely legs and of the contrast of the only garment she wore on that tiny, curvy body.

As things were, all he saw was the sadness in her eyes and the not very comely flush that came from crying on her neck and face.

“Oh girl, what has happened? Was it that weird baron or count or whatever the papers talk about?”

He didn’t know why he was being so specific or why he threw his suspicions in her face, but when she nodded, he felt at the same time relieved and shocked.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?” He patted the spot next to him and as soon as Catherina sat down on it, he wrapped his arms around her in a warm and comforting hug.

“I couldn’t.” She sobbed helplessly. “How could I tell Lena and Lin that I was having dinner with a man who despises them? Not them personally of course, but their blood. This is…”

“Personal.” Jonathan finished her sentence, because he saw what she meant.

The struggles of his friends were numerous, but it might feel weird to them to know that Catherina had dinner with someone who prided himself on stemming from a bloodline that had participated in many if not all of the bloody conquests of foreign territory by the Spanish.

Leaving the language and a feeling of being disavowed, but leaving nonetheless just to loom in the dusty pages of history.

Catherina had always struggled with the legacy of her family, with the part they had played in world history and for some reason Jonathan could not fathom, she was suffering from the delusion that every single bad thing anyone of her ancestors had done was being memorised in her blood and passed down to her.

“Neither Lin nor Elena would think that you are a Conquistador…” Jonathan remarked in a matter-of-fact voice.

“No, but I had dinner with someone who thinks he is. He didn’t stop talking about “the islands” as if he still owned them…like him, personally…” Catherina blew up her cheeks in an expression of her exasperation.

Jonathan laughed, he couldn’t help it.

“Why did you have dinner with him then?” He asked.

“Because I didn’t know what he was going to say? His mother, yes, his mommy, contacted me because I had made inquiries into their branch of the family and he has come, amongst other reasons, to talk to me about it. I was curious. Little did I know…”

“They thought, we thought, that you were ashamed of us.” Jonathan admitted then in a low, measured voice.

“OF YOU???” Catherina exclaimed in surprise and dismay.

“No, if anything, I was ashamed of him. Of even meeting him. Of the person he is. I…had my suspicions and I didn’t want him to know where I live or to see the people I live with.”

“Because we are an embarrassment?” Jonathan cut in, gesturing at the sweaty stains in his armpits and his trembling legs.

“No, because I wanted to fucking protect you from the mean idiocy of that dude.”

Catherina couldn’t believe what she heard, she had anticipated that Elena would be jealous, a thing that could easily be cleared up once the meeting was over and done with, but she hadn’t thought that anyone in this house would have a doubt about her feelings towards them.

“We are still your elders, Catherina. There’s no need to protect us. You have to understand us as well…” Jonathan pleaded when he saw her confused and slightly annoyed face.

Laying a hand on her knee and waiting for her to look into his eyes, he went on:

“You have been away for a long time and you were tired when you came home. I had an unfortunate accident and you took me in, and Lin. We are a lot, I know and you’ve burdened yourself with us. And our parents.

You’ve moved into a different part of the city, you have to get used to a lot of things and you don’t get a moment to catch your breath.”

He sighed.

“Isn’t it normal that we somehow felt like maybe we’re getting too much? And Lin goes out and hunts for houses, we will be out of your hair in no time, I promise.

You had a life before, a quiet, safe life and since your father died everything has been uprooted and you’ve felt lost and…maybe you want to go back to having a quiet, safe life?

A husband, a dog, a house, a family?”

There, he had said it, he had voiced his fears and his partner’s.

He knew that Lin was suffering, that he was deadly afraid to have squashed yet another person he loved with his boundless energy and enthusiasm, that he had poisoned the peace of Catherina’s home with his endless chattering and humming and scribbling at all hours.

Catherina blinked a few times.

Then she cleared her throat and blinked again.

“He offered me a family. He offered me all that and I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been tempted for a second…” Catherina admitted slowly.

“But…he calls people “savages” and he thinks he can woo me even though I told him that I’m dating Lena…”

“STOP!” Jonathan lifted one hand and spun it horizontally backwards to signify that she was to rewind.

“You told him that you’re dating Lena and he still wants to woo you?”

“Yup. I am rich you know. He has the title and the lands but he could do with the money I bring.” Catherina shrugged, she wasn’t naïve when it came to those things as she had seen those offers and proposals from a very young age on.

“That’s ballsy…” Jonathan whistled softly but his face expressed nothing but disdain and mockery.

“Did he call you just now?” He then went on questioning Catherina who nodded, rolling her eyes and throwing a disgusted glance at her phone.

“Jeez, he might be really in love with you…” Jonathan pondered aloud, playing the devil’s advocate.

“I do not think so. He called me female and a prize. He seems to be one of those people who do not dislike homosexuals per se, because they don’t believe that they actually exist. He’s one of those who think that those people just haven’t found the right person.”

Now it was Jonathan’s turn to roll his eyes and answer that there was no righter person on earth than Lin-Manuel Miranda, which Catherina just accepted as truth as she knew how deeply they were in love.

“So, you have been to dinner with a Latino supremacist who wants you to marry him and live with his elderly mother?” Jonathan recapped crisply and had a laughing fit right after.

“Yes, more or less. It was a nice dinner.” Catherina replied as briskly and joined in the laughter.

“It’s okay to want that…if you want that.” Jonathan then said tenderly, brushing his thumb over Catherina’s hand gently.

“If we are too much, if you want to turn back time, it will break our hearts, don’t get me wrong, but if you think that it’s the best for you…”

Catherina thought about it for a long moment, facing the question she had danced around the whole evening.

She looked at Elena’s clothes on the floor and the vase Anthony had given her, she let her hand touch Jonathan’s cheek and zeroed in on Lin’s pacing at the foot of the stairs and she knew with a certainty that she could never go back.

“I love you too much for that. I want that. I want in-laws and I want to wake up in a sunny place. I want all that, but I want it with Lena, I want it with you.

You and Lin, you are A LOT, but too much will never be enough. I am starved and I cannot go back to being fed titbits of life, I shall never be satisfied with scraps again.”

A sigh of relief escaped her chest and she felt lighter suddenly.

“He painted a picture of a perfect life and I longed for it. It shall be so. Not right away, but very soon.”

Catherina framed Jonathan’s face in her hands, holding it tight, brushing her hungry gaze over it again and again.

“I love you too much. I will never be able again to live in a world where you are not welcome, where I cannot be with you. It frightens me, but I have missed you so much while I was away. Javier offered me everything I ever wanted, luxury, peace, comfort, safety, family and love and…it was not enough. Compared to what you already are, everything he could be and could give was not enough, never could be enough.”

She breathed in shakily.

“And I want your parents in my house and Sebastian who will come to draw with me and coffee with Vanessa and dinner with Jeff…I have broken my back for the family I have built and nobody and nothing can take them away from me unless they pry it from my stiff, cold, dead hands.”

“That’s all we need to know. That’s all Lin and Elena need to hear. They love you, you know? We thought we’d lose you and we were terrified. I know you’re tired, but let’s go down and tell them. So we can all sleep tonight, how about that, girl?”

Catherina wanted to say “no”, but she ended up saying yes, spending the next hour explaining in detail what had happened.

She was still in her underwear, rowing her arms helplessly through the air and when she had finished, she just sat in the ocean of silence and waited for a reaction.

“You thought I’d be offended by a fucking Spanish ass-clown?” Elena said after a moment and slapped Catherina playfully on the cheek.

“You fucking dumbass.” She exclaimed then and kissed Catherina right after.

“I want him to come here. I’d have a fieldtrip with that one.” Lin grumbled.

He took Catherina’s hand and held it for a moment before speaking again.

“It was all a long time ago, Cat, I don’t think that he’d come here and plant a flag.”

“He sure wants to plant a flag.” Jonathan smirked and cackled when he saw Lin’s confused face.

Elena was laughing too for Catherina had sworn that she had no interest whatsoever in this man, definitely not romantically and the jealousy slowly ebbed out of her body with every passing minute.

“Savages, yeah?” Lin stroked his cheek and they could literally see his mind at work.

“Let’s go to bed and talk about it tomorrow, please?” Catherina begged, dead on her feet, just longing for her bed and a good night’s sleep.

They said their good-nights and exchanged their demure kisses and retreated to their respective bedchambers.

How could she have doubted this? Catherina felt like having siblings, like having a real family right here and right now and she wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.

And then Elena ravaged her like never before, chasing all memories or thoughts of men out of her head and her system, claiming her with urgency and a hint of brutal, unbridled desire which tore her skin.

This was deep and dark and it felt purifying and cleansing to the last cell of her body and soul, so Catherina sighed and screamed in pain and in pleasure as Elena swallowed her whole and spit her out again.

Catherina felt reborn in the storm of fire and lust that her girlfriend conjured up around her and finally could rest easy.


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting early today because I feel weird...  
> I actually had a dream about Lin and Jonathan and it was absolutely freaky >.<
> 
> So, today a tad of humour (humour that is not politically correct, be advised).
> 
> Enjoy and if you find it in your hearts of hearts, leave me a sign of your having been here please <3

17

Jonathan woke up tangled up in Lin’s limbs and smiled.

He had asked him the night before if he ever missed sleeping with women and Lin’s answer had been perfect.

“Didn’t think about it actually…Is that an invitation, Groff?” He had smirked and everything that followed brought them nearer to the point of pure hedonistic pleasure.

It had been weeks and months now, but for some reason, both of them were saving that last step up for some momentous event, endlessly teasing each other by making this painful anticipation last.

Clenching his fists, Jonathan remembered where his fingers had been a few hours ago with a shiver.

Shimmying cautiously away from Lin, lest his memories and the effect they had on his body awaken him, Jonathan allowed himself to review the last night, the confidence and familiarity that drove every single movement by now, the searching touches, the torturously arousing flicks of tongues on heated skin and a tiny sigh escaped his lips.

Outside the door, he heard Catherina move around, humming to herself as she did when she thought nobody was around to hear her.

No doubt, Elena would still be curled up in bed, dreaming her beguiling dreams and Dolores would already be washing sheets and clothes while watching a telenovela on her phone.

It was a comfortable life, but he longed to have his own place, to have Catherina over for dinner and tuck her in on his own couch.

More than anything though, he yearned to take that last step to sexual freedom with Lin, in his own bed, in his own house, looking through his own window at the night sky.

“You up already?” Lin batted his eyes and dragged one finger up Jonathan’s thigh in a languid way.

“Yes and…yes.” Jonathan moaned softly as Lin’s hand curled around his cock, teasing, caressing, then disappearing suddenly.

“Soon.” Lin purred and got up, prancing around naked.

Jonathan was sure he did that on purpose to test his resistance and he cursed the fact that he was slowly getting better so that Lin stopped acting like he was a wounded animal.

“Not fair.” He complained and when Lin started to dress, he wanted to swallow his words again because a naked and teasing Lin was still better than this serious man in black trousers.

Looking around, lifting this shirt and that sweater, Lin slipped into a white shirt that was most definitely not his own and shrugged.

“You look like a waiter.” Jonathan chortled to which Lin replied with a crisp “Racist”, rolling his “r” in a dramatic fashion and giving him a smouldering look.

“Catherina!”

Catherina almost died of fright as the door swung open and Lin appeared, laughing like a madman.

Hugging her swiftly, Lin apologised for the little prank and closed the door behind him.

“His highness is not yet decent.” He explained with a leering smile that reminded Catherina of her own lover, who was presently showering.

“Coffee?” He then asked, already heading towards the kitchen.

He was the kind of person who was home wherever he went as long as he was made to feel welcome and it was healing to Catherina to know that he felt at ease in her house.

“Sure…Are you making breakfast?” She looked at him pleadingly, a mischievous smile on her face.

“As the oldest of us, yes, child, I shall.” He answered in a haughty tone and giggled when Catherina hugged him tempestuously.

The doorbell rang and Catherina opened it to find Oak holding the statue of a monkey.

“Hey, I swung by to give you this. For your house, to remind you of me.”

Catherina had no idea what Oak had in common with a wooden monkey, but she thanked him profusely.

Meanwhile, Jonathan had managed to get dressed, wearing a grey hoodie that looked oddly familiar and still completely out of place on him.

“Nice sweater, man.” Oak grinned, immediately recognizing it as Lin’s and greeted his friend with calm joy.

What a convergence, Catherina thought and just in this very moment, on top of all this, her phone started to ring.

It was the executive of a major film studio that she had been in contact with before who wanted to go over the details all of a sudden.

He also asked if she knew where Lin was, because he had troubles to get a hold on him.

“Lin-Manuel Miranda?” Catherina repeated slowly, searching the hall and the eyes of her friends.

Jonathan mimicked the coffee grinder with his hands and then formed a cup and put it to his smiling mouth to let her know where he thought Lin was.

“I cannot tell you where he is at the present moment.” Catherina replied slowly, suppressing a laughing fit when Oak checked behind Jonathan to see if Lin wasn’t in his shadow.

“If I see him or get him on the phone, I shall tell him to get back to you though.” She promised and, asking the man for a moment, quickly pressed Oak’s arm and said: “Play nicely with the other kids, I have to work for a second, I’ll be right back.”

Then she headed up the stairs into the small room underneath the roof where she had set up a makeshift office for herself.

Sighing, she opened the laptop and prepared mentally for an impromptu business meeting.

“OOOOOH. It’s him…” Elena flew down the stairs, screeching.

“Who?” Jonathan looked up, steadying himself against the doorframe in which he still stood.

“The dinner-dude…Let’s…” Elena’s eyes sparkled and Jonathan understood, filling Oak in hastily as they waited for the doorbell to ring.

“I’ll get Lin and warn Dolores. You better hide!” Elena giggled and darted down the hallway, while Oak, still holding his monkey, took position behind the door.

“This will be amazing.” Jonathan laughed, sitting down in the wheelchair and leaning the door to his room against the frame without closing it.

Catherina heard the doorbell, but didn’t think anything of it while she still went over numbers and figures with the man on the phone.

“Hello.” Oak gave his best impression of a hulking but simple servant.

Javier was confused to say the least. He had found out Catherina’s address despite her refusal to give it to him and he was immensely proud of it.

Nonetheless, after all her blazing passion about the freedom and rights of all people, he was baffled by that negro opening the door. Even his family did no longer use that kind of servant to which clung the sour aftertaste of slavery and crime.

The boy looked young and healthy, his simple-minded nature showing clearly on the relaxed features of a broad, gentle face as he told Javier in a thick accent that the missus was currently otherwise engaged.

Of course, he didn’t use those words, but Javier, being a cultured man, did understand what his blubbering was supposed to mean.

“Coffee?”

Another man appeared in the hall, this one clearly a Latino and Javier conceded that it might have been progressive to use a man in a traditional woman’s job.

Maybe it was a rehabilitation of a drug addict?   
The man was small and of slender built, his eyes dark and underlined by circles the colour of ripe fruits, the white shirt he wore barely pressed and his trousers criminally wrinkled.

He held a tray with coffee cups and a little container with creamer and looked at him patiently, so Javier accepted, unsure what else to do.

Negros and junkies, Catherina was a hypocrite.

To dismiss him as a racist and a colonialist and then to have such people as her servants, really, quite shocking, Javier thought, revising his vision of the woman he wanted to woo.

He had been impressed by her moral fibre, but this scene tainted the image of a saint he had created in his mind during the long night he had spent awake, dreaming of a life with Catherina.

Looking helplessly around himself, searching for a thing to say to people who barely spoke English, Javier blinked way too often and way too fast.

“Is the coffee good?” Lin asked in his most dialect-laden Spanish only to repeat it in butchered English.

Elena was hiding around the corner, biting down hard on her knuckles not to laugh frantically while Dolores gave her a hard, motherly stare.

Nonetheless, Dolores made no move to interrupt the scene and prayed to God that Catherina wouldn’t have a fit when she learned about this.

“I call missus?” Oak said, his voice hollow and harsh in his best impression of a semi-wild savage. He was tempted to rip his shirt off, but instead, he presented the monkey to Javier with a beatific smile, nodding quickly while repeating “monkey” in an enthusiastic tone.

“Yes, please.” Javier pleaded, desperate to get into the company of a sentient human being.

He handed his empty cup back to Lin who took it with a slight bow, put it back on the tray and stood waiting, smiling emptily at him.

Dolores poked Elena.

She strode forward, making a surprised face and greeting Javier politely.

Jonathan also pushed the door open and wheeled himself out, looking like a dying man, crumpled up in his chair, his hair messier than ever and his mouth slightly gaping open.

Elena had to feign a cough to dissimulate her laughter and then turned back to Javier.

Just as she was about to introduce herself, Catherina appeared at the top of the stairs.

In a glance, she took in the scene that unfurled before her:

Lin in Jonathan’s shirt, looking like a waiter, Oak still holding his wooden monkey about to come up the stairs, Elena with her outstretched hand suspended in the air in front of a miserable looking Javier.

“Javier? What are you doing here?” Catherina gasped, annoyed and surprised by this visit.

“I came to see you. I have to say, I am very disappointed in you, Catherina. You talk a good deal about freedom and the worth of people and then I find these…creatures here.

Are you not ashamed? To take advantage of the weak-minded and disadvantaged?”

For a moment, all Catherina could do was stare at him.

She didn’t understand what he was alluding to and then, she looked again at her friends.

“You didn’t?” She hissed under her breath when it became clear to her what was going on here, lifting her hand to her forehead as if to support her spinning head.

“They were really nice, but…Catherina…really…the poor beggars…” Javier muttered as he looked accusingly at Catherina who still stood in the same spot as if she had taken root there.

“I have half a mind to have them whipped. Believe me.” She grumbled and then let out an exasperated cry as Jonathan slid out of his wheelchair to thump onto the floor.

“Oh dear, that one may be dead.” Javier screamed and pointed a finger at Catherina as if she had shot the man down personally.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The duty of reparations...
> 
> Enjoy...

18

“He is NOT dead.” Catherina said coolly, flying down the stairs now and lifting Jonathan back into his chair, berating him under her breath for putting his healing at risk for a silly prank.

Nonetheless, she breathed a kiss upon the top of his woolly head before stepping back and lifting her arms apologetically.

“This is Elena, my girlfriend and no doubt, one of the driving forces behind this charade.” She introduced Elena, pinching her ass-cheek hard as she pushed her forward for Javier to look at more closely.

“And all the other idiots? ACTORS. Javier, they’re actors and they engaged in a childish prank. You are looking at some amazing and very successful actors.”

Javier’s face turned into a mask of pure horror.

“How could you have been taken in by that stupidity? Really…I can’t believe this!” Catherina shook her head and shot menacing glances at the men.

Waving her hand in Lin’s direction, she said derisively: “Come on, man, Lin-Manuel Miranda? He’s on TV all the time. That dude was in the new Mary Poppins movie. Come on!”

“I don’t watch that kind of movie?” Javier tried to defend himself.

“Well, obviously you don’t watch any TV at all.” Catherina snapped back and Javier felt humiliated and put on the spot, not only by the cruel joke that had been played on him but also by Catherina’s mockery because he had fallen for it.

His cheeks flushed an angry red as he stood there, surrounded by people who looked at him like he was the inanest person on earth.

“Well, Javier, meet my friends.” Catherina shrugged and introduced them to him in a tone a schoolmistress might use to talk to a particularly thick pupil, pronouncing their names slowly and adding the ways he might have known them.

He shook hands politely with them, but deep inside his heart, an irrational hate had taken root and was spreading through his veins.

He would take that woman, he would win her or steal her if necessary, but he wouldn’t let a bunch of misfits win, not after what they had done to him.

She was glorious, standing there, confident, smiling, indulgent, her hair slicked back and her tiny body clad in casual home-wear.

Clearly, she was feeling at ease, at home, with this people, but he knew that she was meant for something better, that she deserved to be covered in centuries-old jewellery and the finest garments on earth.

She would wear his title and the quiet dignity that went with it perfectly, of that he was absolutely sure. Moreover, she was still young and she would bear him beautiful heirs, filling their future with meaning and their residence with staff solely occupied by their offspring. It would be wonderful.

“He looks at her like Ant looked at that vase…” Lin whispered to Jonathan mockingly, but part of him was disquieted by the intensive gaze locked on Catherina’s face.

There was thinly veiled anger in the man’s eyes, he resented their little prank much more than he let on and Lin had the nasty feeling that they would come to regret their light-hearted silliness very soon.

A man who thought himself to be that superior would not easily digest being made a laughingstock by people he did not consider his equals.

Elena also felt it, she felt those beautiful, light eyes creep over her as if she was an insect and there was a note of spite and animosity in his voice when he asked to take his leave.

“I now completely see why you didn’t want me to come here. I apologise for disobeying your wise counsel.” He spoke in a pressed voice, paper-thin and sharp-edged.

“I did not enjoy meeting your menagerie and I shall refrain from doing so ever again. May I invite you to another dinner instead? Somewhere…classy?” The sting was deliberate and fast, like an insect bite from in the middle of the night.

Catherina was momentarily taken aback, working through the innuendos and the flash of unconcealed hatred in Javier’s face.

“Excuse me, I might have misunderstood you. I am not running a zoo here and these are not my pets. So, no, thank you, but I humbly decline the offer of another dinner in your company.”

For her, the matter was over and done with, but Javier gripped her wrist almost brutally, wrenching her back as she was about to turn around.

“Maybe I could invite you to the movies instead? Casual. You could take charge of my education?” He gave her a dazzling smile, running his thumb over her abused wrist tenderly as if nothing had happened.

“I shall think about it.” Catherina replied coldly.

He bowed stiffly and made for the door that Lin opened to him with a flourish, grinning wickedly, but shrinking back when he saw the cold, hard stare of the other man.

“Savage.” Javier hissed under his breath, putting all his colonialist disdain into the gaze he let glide over the sloppy garments and the undone hair of the other man.

As soon as Javier was out the door, Catherina cradled her wrist against her bosom, rubbing the skin as if she could dispel the bruise already creeping along the bone and tinging the white with violet and blue blossoms.

“What were you thinking?” Catherina chided her friends, looking into the round with desperate exhaustion.

“It was just a joke. A silly joke.” Elena tried to explain but then she saw the bruise on Catherina’s wrist and the fear in her eyes.

“You don’t understand, Lena…” Catherina sighed, exasperated by the lack of understanding of the woman she loved so much.

A thousand visions haunted Catherina, a thousand predictions of what Javier would do now.

“I have to fly out there and apologize in person to him and his mother.” She grunted and wiped a cold, dry hand over her tired eyes.

Javier could do so much damage not only to their careers but also to her own plans and projects. She would have to go out with him again, she would have to appease his wrath.

Without knowing it, her friends had created a debt in humility that she would have to pay and her body went cold and numb upon wondering how far Javier would take this to make sure that she did indeed pay up.

“He could hurt you. He could hurt me. Physically, mentally, career-wise.” She then said to Elena who was still looking at her expectantly, still unable to understand what this man was capable of.

Dear Lena, Catherina thought, dear Lena who had grown up with loving parents in a happy household, who had no idea what prices other women had to pay to keep the peace and who, at least she hoped so, would never learn about these things.

“We’re sorry. What can we do?” Lin asked, quick to realize that something terrible had happened without them noticing.

“Nothing, I’ll take care of it. I…” Catherina had no idea what to do and where to go.

She didn’t want to fly back to Europe after having barely arrived back in New York, but already London was calling and her presence was demanded.

Her time was no longer her own and she hated it, she had the feeling that everything and everyone was tearing at her from all sides and she couldn’t split herself in two just to be in every meeting all around the world at once.

Struggling to contain the waves of stress and pressure threatening to reduce her to a pile of bone-dust, Catherina told Lin to call back the executive with whom she had been on the phone and made her way to the kitchen to get herself a cup of coffee as Lin had conveniently given the one intended for her to the unexpected guest.

When her phone rang again, she was on the verge of crying.

“Let me.” Jonathan had walked up behind her, taking the phone from her hands and replacing it with a steaming mug of coffee.

“Jonathan Drew Groff.” He said very earnestly and then giggled uncontrollably as if he had never before heard his very own name.

“Hey Cal. She’s having a cup of coffee. We had an…eventful morning. Hmmm…” Jonathan told Cal about what they had done and when Cal did not reply for a few seconds, it really sunk in that they had put their foot in it for real.

Caleb asked if Catherina could go to London for the meeting or if she wanted him to go.

Jonathan repeated the question towards Catherina, but refused to give her back her phone, really liking his role as naïve, but hot young secretary.

This made Catherina realise that she indeed needed a secretary and more intimate staff than just Cal.

“I’ll take London, swing by Javier’s to apologize and be back for the weekend.” Catherina sighed, sipping her coffee and trying to rub away the building headache behind her temples.

It would be a packed few days, but it had to be done and she did not want to spend any more time away from her new home than she strictly had to.

“You could interview potential candidates for a secretarial job in the meantime? I’m sure my very meddlesome friends would help you?”

Catherina screamed in the general direction of her phone which made Jonathan laugh so much that Caleb probably only understood half of what she said.

Jonathan then obediently told Catherina that Caleb would either way come to New York to check on the progress of the school and the orphanage.

As absurd as it was, Catherina felt a little better after this call. She felt less alone.

“Not me. I have to head to L.A. for a day or two. Let’s leave this in the hands of our dear beloved.” Lin shrugged mysteriously after Jonathan told him as well that Caleb was coming over and that Catherina would hire a secretary.

“Oh wow. Jonathan likes everybody and Lena likes nobody. I’m sure that will work out swell…” Catherina laughed, grateful when Oak said that he could come too and that either way Caleb would be there.

Catherina didn’t know how serious a job interview could be when the interviewers were two actors, one ballerina and one businessman, but she preferred not to say anything.

Elena had street smarts and probably a better feeling when it came to people than herself.

“Keep me in the loop though.” Lin demanded.

“It’s my secretary, you know that, right?” Catherina chuckled, but her friends were so happy to find something to do while she was away, that she decided to let them have their fun with poor, unsuspecting candidates.

“Don’t give anyone a heart attack…or cause for gossip, alright?” She asked and they all nodded dutifully, which would have calmed Catherina more if they hadn’t just made mock of a Spanish noble in the worst possible way.

“Lord in heaven.” She sighed, disgusted to have to pack yet another suitcase and jet around the world, but resolute in her decision to come back as fast as possible.

It hurt her to leave Jonathan and Elena behind, after all that happened, and she felt guilty, because she was slowly becoming what she had always hated about her father amongst other things: perpetually absent, eternally on the move, never there for anything.

“I hate this. I hate this and I can’t wait to be back.” She was grinding her teeth in sheer frustration, but went to pack a light suitcase nonetheless and then booked a flight for the following morning.


	19. 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter about the hardship of working through things and the dangers of loneliness.
> 
> Enjoy

19

“Day one.” Jonathan mumbled and smiled as he heard the timid knock on the door.

Catherina had a physiotherapist coming over to help him regain his strength and keep his muscles supple and he was hell-bent on getting better.

Lena came in as well, sitting down cross-legged on the bed and stretching her fluid body in all directions while Jonathan was sweating like a pig, gritting his teeth against the fatigue and the pain and soldiering through the routine like a pro.

“That was good, you’ll be your old self in no time.” The therapist beamed when she left, but Jonathan wanted to be more than his old self, he wanted to be better than before.

“Can I ask you for help? It’s embarrassing…” He turned to Elena who still sat on his bed and watched him pass a towel over his wet forehead and hair.

“Anything sweet prince, just say the word.” She purred and climbed down in one fluid motion.

“Teach me breathing and stretching techniques, please.”

She heard his words, but she also caught the tiny undertone that told her that this was about something else than rehabilitation after an injury.

“Is this about sex?” She asked him straight and he flinched.

He knew that Lin was more than willing to get to the next step, but he had to be in control of the situation, frightened to hurt or dismay his boyfriend, so he was willing to learn about…things he didn’t yet know.

“Cards on the table, I have never slept with a woman and you’ve only slept with women, I just…”

Elena laughed, then seemed to crumple up until she lay folded on the floor.

“Jon? I am a ballerina, I am a dancer, this is what I do with my body and it’s not what Reina does for example. You don’t have to emulate women, Lin knows very well with whom he is and you should really worry less.” She smiled, undressing slowly until she stood naked before him, presenting herself in a clinical, scientific way.

“This is what I am working with.” She hummed, stretching backwards until her hands touched the floor behind her and her whole body formed a perfect arc.

“Hmmm.” Jonathan said, in no way sexually attracted to Elena but nonetheless envious of the beauty of her sleek, white body that seemed like liquid marble in the dim light filtering through the gauzy curtains.

“Are you preparing for the big break? I don’t know what you are waiting for to be honest.”

She lifted her legs slowly, spinning in slow-motion until she was standing before him again.

“I don’t know either…” Jonathan said, but she understood that nameless fear that lingered and seemed to grow every time it was circumvented and pushed aside.

“It will be fine.” She tried to comfort him, but she knew how difficult it was to let someone in, especially someone who had not done this before, someone who was loved and cherished.

“There’s no need to hide this from him. He knows. And he wants this, he wants you. He won’t just turn away and run…” At least, she hoped he wouldn’t.

“We’ll see.” Jonathan sat down to do sit-ups, the pain chasing all other doubts and fears.

Afterwards, Elena, dressed again, showed him breathing and stretching techniques nonetheless, things she had learned in a job where controlling her body despite the discomfort or outright pain was key.

She had to admit that Jonathan was a good student, zealous and patient, eager to succeed.

That’s also a way to spend your temporary celibacy, she thought, smiling to herself.

“Hello gorgeous.” The woman was tall, blonde, pretty and, at least at first sight, she seemed damn young, Lin saw.

She was leaning against the bar of the hotel, her endless legs crossed, poking out of a very short dark grey dress that seemed to cling to her fit body by some spell.

“Good evening.” Lin retorted, returning his gaze to his glass of beer and his mind to wild fantasies about Jonathan being either all alone and lonely or seduced by Ricky Martin.

“Alone here tonight?” The woman went on, her dark red nails creeping into his field of vision as she leant in closer.

She smelled of perfume, a heavy, musky, powdery smell that was so unlike the sweet, fruity smell of Catherina or the clean, fresh, citrusy smell of Elena.

It made his head spin in a disagreeable way and Lin automatically shuffled away from her and her wandering hands that now somehow had come to rest on his thigh, just above his right knee.

“I’m here for work, so yeah.” He replied without looking up, lifting his glass to his face instead in hopes that she’d lose interest and just leave.

“Looking for some company?”

His head snapped up and he took in the tired eyes, dark grey like her dress and the tiny wrinkles around her eyes and her mouth that were carefully covered in make-up. She might have been less than 25 but she could just as well have been 40 for all he knew and for a moment, he wondered if at another time he might have given in.

Now, all he could think was that she might be a prostitute and that he missed Jonathan who wore his pain and his fatigue with careless honesty. He was so unlike this phantom of a woman, wraith swirling in the too harsh light of the bar, and Lin missed him to an extent that punched the breath out of his lungs.

“Thank you, miss, I’m quite alright by myself.” He said after a moment when the hands started moving upward ever so slowly.

He shuffled away from her and heard her sharp intake of breath when her hand slid off his leg and hit the chair underneath hard.

With a last look, Lin took in the garish lipstick and the air of desperation and anger etched into every line of an otherwise pretty face.

Even as he stumbled towards the lift, he fumbled for his phone to call Jonathan, to let his voice wash him clean of this encounter, to travel home at least in thoughts if not in physical reality.

This was fucking torture.

Catherina struggled not to roll her eyes as the second entrée was brought in, silver dome on plates and manservant in uniform of course.

“We are so glad to have you here tonight.”

Doña Ana smiled and Catherina was confused by the stark whiteness of the very symmetrical and flawless row of teeth within a face so brown and wrinkled that it looked like a date with a wig.

“Does this mean that you have changed your mind?” She followed up.

Catherina dabbed her mouth with the fine cloth napkin to hide her sneer before trying to sound regretful as she informed the old woman that she had no intention to let her son court her, but that she very much regretted the offensive and disrespectful behaviour of her friends toward said son.

“I have come to apologise in person in hopes that we can leave all this nastiness behind us and stay good friends.”

 _Stupid girl_ , the old woman thought. Did she really believe that they were angry because some idiots had played a prank on her frankly rather foolish son? Of course not.

Their resentment stemmed from a far more serious issue, namely the wealth and influence Catherina wielded.

Her refusal of her son’s advances had been unforeseen and shocking as Ana had strongly counted on his charms and beguiling nature that were to secure a vast gain to the family.

In her humble opinion, the woman was not excessively comely, she looked pale and sickly and her eyes were a little wild, her hair was too short and she was on the stocky side, but then again, few were the woman who could compare to the beauty she had once held.

Doña Ana avoided mirrors now as this beauty had long since faded, but she still liked to remember how all the nobles and even a prince or two had vied for her favour when she had been a young girl.

What this Catherina lacked in beauty, she made up in coin though and Ana would have welcomed her gladly into the family.

Indeed, she quite liked the idea of having a daughter-in-law who was her inferior in all matters and whom she could boss around all the time.

Now, this silly shrew had decided otherwise and indeed, the old woman resented her for it, but she would never let it show for fear to lose her face and dignity over such a matter.

“Oh…” Lin waited for another reply, but Jonathan was suspiciously silent at the other end of the line for a very long time.

“Jon?” He said, throwing his shirt into the open suitcase without looking if it landed on clean clothing or not.

“Was she pretty?” Jonathan bit his lip, he didn’t want to sound so hurt or so jealous, but the idea of Lin being openly flirted with in a bar made him blind with irrational rage.  
“What do I know? No, not really, I guess.” Lin murmured, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. If he sat on the bed, he’d just break down because he missed Jonathan so much here at his side, his white knight in shining armour.

“I wish you were here. I feel so damn lost without you steering me through the day.” He cursed and started throwing the small shampoo bottles the hotel provided into the ceramic tub in a fit of childish temper.

“What are you doing? And yes, I wish I were there too.” Jonathan replied, wondering at the clunking noises in the background.

“I am being irrational.” Lin explained shortly, his words only serving to deepen Jonathan’s confusion.

“I wish you were here. I wish I could see you and smell your skin and run my fingers down that newly knitted flesh of yours. I want to tend to your scars and all the rest of you…”

Lin barely noticed the direction his thoughts had taken, but his body awakened to the ideas blossoming in his shattered mind, swimming in beer and self-pity.

“Do you now?” Jonathan on the contrary, immediately caught on and his own body, weak and sore, rumbled into activity like an old steam engine.

“See? How should I even notice some random slag in a bar when all I can think of is you and that thing you won’t allow me to do. I really want to though and part of me thinks that you’re just a mean man for denying me. Do you like denying me? Do you like it to make me suffer so?” Lin ripped open the minibar and drank another beer out of the plastic cup meant for dental hygiene.

“Suffer? Do you suffer?” Jonathan closed the door to his room, praying that Elena didn’t get it into her head to pay him a visit tonight.

“I do. I really, really want to fuck you. And you know that I do. You parade that glorious ass around the house all day long! How am I supposed to withstand your constant teasing?” Lin complained, splashing himself with beer as he gestured wildly.

“Oh damn, now I have to take a shower.” He mumbled under his breath and stepped out of his trousers as well, kicking them viciously across the floor as if they had offended him somehow.

Jonathan leant back into the pillows, normally, he would not indulge in this kind of thing, clearly Lin had been drinking and his mind was slowly slipping away, losing ground to the irrational part of him, but it had been a long day for him too and the jealousy still burned in his own blood.

“Why don’t you video-call me? I shall watch over you in the shower, you sound a bit…distressed and I don’t want you to slip and break your neck.” Jonathan offered in a mellow, low, seductive voice and gasped when the line went dead.

Almost immediately though, his phone rang again and his heart skipped a beat when he realised that Lin was indeed video-calling him.

“Hello gorgeous. So tell me again how I am teasing you?” He smiled into the camera, his breath hitching in his throat as the blurry buffering stopped and a stark naked and very wet Lin came into view.

Water ran down his back, rivulets of it running down his chest to his hips where the image mercifully or cruelly cut off.

“That’s what she said, Hello gorgeous, and do you see her anywhere? Do you think she had that kind of effect on me?” Lin was rambling now and tilted the phone down.


	20. 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Uploaded this without re-reading, so there may be errors and I have no real idea what it's about either lol  
> I wrote this some time ago :)

20.

“Oh well, wow, hello there…” Jonathan stammered, feeling only the slightest bit weird about talking to a disembodied penis in a wobbly frame.

He licked his lips as his whole mouth was bone-dry all of a sudden, gulping for air and waiting for the unseen lips to answer.

Jonathan was thirsting for Lin’s voice, for his words, for all he could and couldn’t see in this very moment.

Splashing sounds in the background and Lin mumbling something in Spanish.

“Lin?” Jonathan asked when the shaky video of Lin’s manhood started to making him dizzy and the man himself seemed nowhere near inclined to lift the phone again so Jonathan could actually talk to his face.

Her gaze shifted to the clock again and again.

It was late and Catherina wanted to be rested to fly to London the next day, but they had only just cleared away the plates after the main course and dessert would, no doubt, take another eternity to arrive.

By now, the silence was oppressive, and she could no longer ignore the cold stares the old woman gave across the table while her son was stuffing his stupid face with half-cold meat.

Catherina missed home, missed Elena, missed the men and her friends.

Restless, she knew that had she been home, she would have gone out with Elena in search of any and every show they could get tickets for spontaneously.

But she was not home, she was miles and miles from home and she could not even move.

“May I be excused?” She stood up, clutching her purse to her chest, before the glaring crone could nod and left the room, not even knowing where the bathroom was.

It was afternoon in New York and she wanted to call Elena just for a second, only to hear her voice and feel less alone and angry. 

She opened and closed a few doors before finding the lavatory and finally sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, frowning at all the gold and marble that made the bathroom look like an antique whorehouse somehow.

Catherina fumbled her phone out of her handbag and set the small plush unicorn Lin’s son had given her on the elaborate sink. It always comforted her to have these little mementos around and so she closed her fist around the discreet cross dangling at the end of the golden chain slung around her neck as she waited for Elena to pick up her phone. 

“Hey, how are things?” Elena’s voice came through the mobile and Catherina could hear her family in the background, squabbling and laughing.

She was so homesick that she could have curled up and died on the spot.

“It’s awful and we have been eating for hours, at least, it feels like hours. I’m so over this. Can you believe that this crone still wants me to pour all my money into their museum of bad taste?” 

Catherina was whispering because she didn’t think it beyond her hosts to listen at the door, especially as there was not much else to do while waiting for the next course to be whipped up and served.

“It’s so good to hear you. How are you holding up?” She then asked and heard Elena take a deep breath before saying: “Jon and me have painted rainbows on all the walls, inside and out, also we have shaved our heads and pierced our nipples. Twice.”

Elena laughed.

“No, we’re holding up fine. He’s on the mend and I’m keeping myself busy, don’t worry, baby.” Elena was still chuckling while Catherina wondered how she’d feel about a nipple piercing and finally came to the conclusion that she did not find the idea repulsive.

“Stop turning me on while we’re both with elderly and very upstanding people…” She then whined, which only made Elena laugh even harder. 

“I’m sorry that you have to do this.” She then said, serious again all of a sudden.

“Yeah, me too.” Catherina sighed, brushed her hair out of her face with one hand and stuffed the unicorn back into her handbag, ready to sit through another round.

The smile she plastered on her face upon re-entering the room felt fake, like a skin outgrown that stretched painfully around the edges of her bones, but she held on to it. 

She had been playing this role for so many years, it was engraved upon her skin, it was memorised in her muscles and yet, every fibre of her being hated it.

Within the walls of her mind, she conjured pictures of those she loved most, making Lin and Jonathan, Oak and Ant, and of course, Lena, her darling Lena, walk beside her towards the dinner table.

How they’d laugh and mock, how they’d jeer…slowly the frozen smile changed, thawed into genuine affection when she imagined how Ant would inspect every single vase in the room and how Lin would fall in love with the ancient piano, forgotten in a dark corner.

“Oh, you seem to be in a better mood.” Doña Ana commented, and Catherina nodded, clinging to the ghosts she had called. 

“I am so sorry, but I really have to be going soon. I take an early flight to a business meeting tomorrow and I am exhausted.” 

The old lady gasped in shock, it was un-ladylike to admit to being tired in polite company, but Catherina flashed her the most apologetic smile she could muster.

Refusing to sit down again, she let her gaze fall upon the cleared table, clearly suggesting that, as there had been no desert served, she would make her exit now.

It was small of her, but her soft smile shamed the old lady. Catherina suggested by that very facial expression that she would graciously overlook the failure of the household to serve up the different courses in a timely manner. 

Of course, Doña Ana had done this on purpose to prolong her window of time in which she could try to convince Catherina of the advantages of marrying her son. 

“Very well.” The crone snapped in a cold voice and rang for the servant girl to bring Catherina to the door.

“But I am not avenged.” Javi tried to complain, but he was immediately shut up by his mother’s ice-cold stare that seemed to say “Oh be quiet, you imbecile.”.

She, herself, had to admit that the girl had played her cards well, sitting and smiling, not complaining but then making a graceful exit that made it look like she was not the one at fault. 

Smart, Doña Ana thought, she was smart and she had outsmarted not only her dim-witted son, but somehow even herself, which made her hate the woman even more. 

Insolent.

As Catherina breathed in the humid night air, she thought about getting a tattoo that would remind her of her loved ones at all times.

A frivolous thought, but a very appealing one. 

Whistling softly, she walked to the edge of the estate and called a cab to take her to the hotel.

Jonathan felt like an idiot. They could be hacked, they had not even gone public, not really, but he couldn’t resist the longing and the arousal. Lin was positively preening on screen and Jon would have sold half of his body to the Chinese mafia if Lin’s hand, gliding down that gorgeous body, could have been his own for just a second.

“God, I miss you.” He exclaimed and was shocked himself at how his voice seemed to melt into a sob.

“I miss you too and I can’t wait to be back.” Lin purred, his fingers deftly running up and down his own body in a way that made Jon go cross-eyed. 

Jesus, he remembered the early days in a flash, Lin getting dressed, Lin getting undressed, Lin running his fingers through his hair and everything swam together and formed a hard knot under his sternum, made up of love, longing and blind lust.

“I love you.” Jonathan said through gritted teeth, his own hands warm and sweaty, one pressed into the mattress and the other one picking up speed. 

“I love you too baby, I shall be home very soon. And…” Jonathan heard the question in the silence and the mere idea of burying himself inside of Lin pushed him over the edge.

“Had a nice telephone conversation?” Elena leant against the kitchen counter and laughed when Jonathan blushed guiltily. 

“I heard it ring when I went to grab a jumper and you’ve been gone all this time.” She explained and pushed herself off the counter, nudging Jonathan gently in the ribs while winking. 

She knew how hard it was, she did. The sexual frustration in the room was almost tangible, like an opaque mist filling the air.

Looking at the clock, she wondered if Catherina was already on her way to London or if she was still tossing and turning in her bed. 

She would be home the following evening and Elena would be a good girl, but since the incident with Jonathan, she had a grotesque fear of the airport.

“Drink!” Jonathan swapped her coffee mug for a high glass in which a viscous golden liquid sloshed around.

So she did, together with Jonathan, she drank half of the night away, talking about the beginning and about how they first met the people they were dating now and about how scared they were that they would after all, end up with a person of the opposite sex. 

The empty bottle rolled around on the kitchen floor while the whole room spun around Elena. 

“See, I’ve known Lin for ages.” She slurred, “And I’ve always found it funny how you’d hang around one another constantly.” 

“We did not.” Jonathan protested and had to laugh when Elena reminded him of how he had interrupted Lin’s first meeting with Catherina by just blindly following him around the theatre like a lost puppy. 

Their state was pitiful and Dolores had, quite correctly, assumed that they had to get something out of their system, so she left them to their own devices and their mindless drinking, especially after she had discovered the discarded clothing on the ground.

“So…that’s what it all boils down to, huh?” Elena murmured, staring at Jonathan’s penis as if it was an outlandish creature rather than a very normal part of the human body.

If someone had told her beforehand, that she’d end up drunk and half naked in this kitchen with a gay man at 3 o’clock in the morning, she would have laughed at that person.

“Oooooh, I know, let’s call them!” 


	21. 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, I have a fun chapter for you and a new character to freshen things up.  
> Enjoy...<3

21

Just as Catherina stepped out of the plane, her phone started ringing, which earned her a few pretty angry looks from the people around her, all walking towards the baggage claim area.

“Hello? Reina? Is me.”

It was Elena and she was as drunk as Catherina had ever heard her.

“Has something happened?” She asked immediately, her alarm drawing the attention of some bystanders.

“I have seen Jon’s penis. I love you. Penises are kind of ugly. Do you like penises?”

On account of the proximity around the baggage luggage carousel, everybody had overheard Elena’s question and Catherina was mortified to see that apparently, everybody was now waiting for her answer.

“You have no business looking at anybody’s penis. And I…I really don’t care that much.”

Doing the math in her head, she went on: “Darling why aren’t you in bed? And Jon as well? He’s still mending…Why the fuck are you so drunk in the middle of the night? Did you go out?”

Worry and annoyance battled inside of her as she listened to both of them giggling.

“No, we just…we miss you and it sucks and I’m afraid that you’ll be attacked at the airport and…No, we just drank in the kitchen. Also, we’re naked. Also, we’ll call Lin now.”

Catherina took a deep breath. Her girlfriend and one of her two best friends, a man who was like a brother to her, had undressed and drunk themselves stupid in her kitchen, though not necessarily in that order.

“Okay…I miss you too.” And I have a business meeting in less than two hours, I haven’t slept all that well and…

Sighing, she gave in to the most dominant of the feeling bubbling up in her: “I am glad to hear from you. I can’t wait to be home.”

“Children, really, you should get some rest.” She then added, trying desperately to drag her suitcase from the rubber belt.

“I love you…I miss you, I’ll make you pancakes when you get home. I’ll call Lin now.” Jonathan yelled into the phone which drew some chuckles from the people around Catherina.

“Well that Lin sounds like a lucky girl.” An elderly man said as he helped Catherina get her suitcase.

“Nice kid…” he nodded towards the phone.

Sighing, Catherina turned around, hyena laughter pouring out of her phone.

“Oh Sir, if you only knew. That kid…he’s an almost 35-year-old male. And Lin is not a woman.”

“So, he’s another boy? Hmmmm, I’m cool with that.” The old man replied and Catherina wondered for a moment if the whole world had gone mad.

“I guess, he is another…boy.” Catherina shrugged, nodded her thanks again and hurried out of the airport.

“I will be back home tonight. I hope by then you’ve both sobered up some, slept, eaten and showered.” She suddenly realised that it was completely understandable that people expected Elena and Jon to be children, or at least teenagers, based on their behaviour and her way of talking to them.

“Ay ay Captain.” Elena giggled, following up with slurred words of love and devotion.

Lin jumped, he had only just fallen into a fitful sleep when his phone rang.

“Hmmm?” He grumbled into the phone, rubbing his eyes that felt as if they were swollen to triple their size.

“Baby, I love you.”

“Are you drunk?” Lin asked, astonished and trying to get the timeline in order. What had happened while he had slept?

Jonathan was more than happy to provide the details, telling Lin that he had seen a vagina with the same pride than Elena had displayed.

“Uhuh. Yes, okay.” Getting up, Lin threw some more clothes into his suitcase, deciding to be as ready as he could be to leave L.A. and get back to New York.

Putting on the speakerphone, he booked a flight that left much earlier than he had intended to get out, but he was sick and tired and he missed his friends, his kids, his boyfriend. Time to put himself first for once.

“We had Catherina on the phone just now. She’s arrived in London.” Jonathan informed him with all the pride of a toddler who’s found out where babies came from.

She’s awake then, Lin thought, already typing a message to ask her if she’d be willing to come back to L.A. with him at some other time. He was almost sure that the people he was supposed to casually meet the next day wouldn’t mind too much if he promised to come back with big money in tow.

“Sure thing. Gotta head to the meeting now. See you all soon.” Catherina replied almost instantly.

“I’m coming back tomorrow. I’ll be there around 8 in the evening, I guess?” Lin informed Jonathan who was then heard telling Elena to write that down in case they forgot.

Elena meanwhile was whooping that they’d pick both Lin and Catherina up from the airport, which made Lin smile.

Unlike Catherina, he was in his hotel room and completely alone, so he could enjoy the ramblings and musings of the two drunken fools until somehow all of them seemed to have fallen asleep.

“So…Everything alright now?” The head of some branch or other smiled at Catherina as she was about to begin the meeting.

Oh, they’re still very worrisome and incredibly lovable, she thought and instead nodded politely.

They went over figures and numbers, showing clearly that philanthropy was profitable and even the oldest and most conservative of her chairmen were impressed with the effects Catherina’s drastic changes had produced.

“So what about the holdings in the States?”

Catherina laid out her plan meticulously, giving some of the land back to the community and leasing the rest to people who actually wanted to do something with it.

“Oh, but…” They fell silent after a moment, by this time knowing very well that Catherina wasn’t one to listen to their bigoted arguments.

“They’ve been working that land for generations. And I haven’t even seen it. So…let them continue and at least get something out of it?”

People were taken aback, they had foreseen a sale of the land for amazing profit as some big name companies had had their eye on it for some time, but once again, Catherina had chosen a different path, and all they could do was to roll with it or risk another long speech about moral obligation and fairness. And either way, Cal would back up his sister rather than them, so they just nodded and made notes.

None of them could be blind to how tired she looked or how she checked her phone discreetly as if waiting for someone to call or to message her. Ever mysterious, Catherina was not exactly an open book to them and they wondered where she would go after this meeting.

“Are you returning to…” A brave man started, letting his words fade into the expectant silence in the room.

“I shall return to New York, yes.” Catherina replied shortly, her tone implying that she would not elaborate further on that. Where she lived and with whom was none of their business in her opinion.

Rita blinked. She tried her hardest to look calm and collected, dreading the moment she failed to suppress her awkwardness or stifle a thoughtless comment. She needed that job, she needed a second chance, otherwise she’d end up on the street for not being able to interact normally with other people. She didn’t want to be a failure. She couldn’t bear it.

As she was ushered into a sunny living room, the tall outlandish man explained to her that the office was presently occupied as some friends had been crashing at the house.

On the couch lounged two people, a man and a woman, who definitely looked as if they had seen better days before.

Stifling a gasp, the young woman recognized Jonathan Groff, holding his head as if it would have fallen down otherwise.

So, the rumours WERE true and the mysterious billionaire looking for a secretary was indeed acquainted with that famous and quite mysterious man.

“Discretion is key.” The tall man who had led her in said in a cutting, hard tone.

Rita wondered how many of the other applicants had made it past the first step of the interview and had been led here, but as the woman seemed to be fast asleep, she ventured that it couldn’t have been too many.

“Yes Sir, I understand that.” She said in a low voice as to not awaken the woman.

“Lena, there’s an applicant.” Jonathan grumbled and Rita beheld two beautiful, startlingly green eyes slowly open under perfectly arched brows.

Purring like a cat, the woman, Elena as her interviewer informed her, slowly straightened, stretching her long, slender limbs with a stunning grace.

“My name is Rita. I am 25 years old. I am very discreet, but I am also very weird.”

Why had she said that? She felt like kicking herself, this was no way to score her dream job.

She had hoped to meet the lady of the house herself as she was known as someone who had a soft spot for lost causes, but instead her frighteningly imposing brother had interviewed her and the strain had taken its toll.

“How so?” Elena sat up straighter yet and looked at Rita with honest interest and curiosity.

“I have all the credentials and I am competent and loyal, but…I’m not exactly a people-person. I need and I create order.” She stammered, unsure what she was to say.

“Oh, you’ll like Dolores then. Us…maybe less.” Elena chuckled good-humouredly.

“I am relationship disaster. Any kind of relationship. Humans.” Then, in a tiny, almost defeated voice: “And apparently, I talk too much.”

Cal shot his two friends a warning look.

“I am awkward. I am really good at what I’m doing, but I am terribly awkward. So that’s it.” Rita spurted, almost defiantly.

“I fell asleep while waiting for you and Jon has only heard every second word of what you’ve just said. And Jesus, Lord Almighty, you haven’t even met Catherina…” Elena laughed.  
“Or Lin.” Jonathan chimed in as if to prove that he did indeed listen.

“Will you come back tomorrow so my sister can get a good look at you?” Cal then asked in a cool, professional voice.

“What? Sorry…Ehm…yes, I would love to. Are you sure?” Rita asked, shaking a bit under her professional attire and the careful mask of cold control.

“Kid, you have no idea what we’ve all lived through this last year. I can honestly tell you that you haven’t shocked anyone so far.” Caleb tried to reassure her and, throwing one last warning look at the others and then at the clock, he accompanied Rita to the front door.

“Well, I liked that one.” Jonathan smiled and slowly made his way to Catherina’s car.


	22. 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming home and the beginning of an emotional conversation :)
> 
> enjoy and thank you for all the comments and kudos, they really make my day <3

22

Catherina saw him, standing yet again at a baggage carousel and for a moment, she hesitated.

“Lin.” She then called, yanking her suitcase from the belt only to let it drop as soon as Lin spun around, opening his arms while still in motion.

All her care and prudence flew out the window as she slung her arms around him as if she had not seen him in years, breathing in the familiar scent and pressing her cheek against his neck.

“Little one.” He sighed, his own suitcase doing an extra lap on the belt while people were frantically taking pictures of the scene.

“I’m back in the city and I’m here to stay. I know what I’m here to do…I am actually here for you.” Catherina laughed into his ear while he still held her as tightly as he could.

“Let me take your suitcase for you.” He then offered and Catherina reminded him to get his own first.

Giggling, they waited for the many gates to open before them, unsure what to expect.

No matter what it was, never could they have predicted the bright pink piece of cardboard saying “My love”, held by Jon and Elena.

“Well, we’ve fucked it up anyway.” Catherina sighed, slid her suitcase carelessly along the floor and broke into a run only to be caught by Jon who looked like a waterlogged corpse.

“My boy.” She whimpered, again eagerly sucking up the warm smell of his skin and nuzzling his neck like a cat.

“Baby.” She then turned to Elena and kissed her hungrily.

Home, all Catherina could think of was that one word, home. She was home, she was back with people she loved, and, in this moment, she didn’t care about the press, her fatigue or Javier, she only wanted to go back to the house and have food and sit on her couch.

“Groffsauce.” Lin growled behind her and both her and Elena turned around.

“Lin-Manuel.” Jonathan curtsied in the quaintest fashion ever seen.

Positively purring, Lin lifted Jonathan’s hand, twisting it around mid-air and pressed his lips on the inside of the man’s wrist.

It was so much more discreet than Catherina’s kiss but whoever might have caught on would have had no problem discerning the intimacy and the deep love in that gesture.

As Elena guided her to the exit rather than the parking, Catherina was slightly confused until she saw her own car and her own brother within it.

“Welcome back, sis, you didn’t think that I’d let these drunken fools drive…” Cal laughed when she got in.

On their drive back to the house, they exchanged stories about what had happened, meetings, plots and a potential new secretary.

As soon as they were out of the car, they could smell food and hear the dogs barking frantically only to be interrupted and silenced by a small, high-pitched voice.

“Catherina?” Sebastian came around the corner, gingerly holding a sheet of paper between his small hands.

“This is my dinosaur.” He mumbled, his lower lip between his teeth as he held it out to her.

Scooping up the child with one arm and grabbing the drawing with the other hand, Catherina left her brother to bring up her suitcase, while they all followed her upstairs.

“Hey, sorry to barge in like that. I didn’t know if you were back already.” Vanessa apologised, throwing her son a dark look which told Catherina that she had told him beforehand not to bother her.

“No problem, you’re always welcome and…I’m back. Let me get my drawing kit and then we’ll see about those dinosaurs, ok, buddy?” She replied, kissing both Vanessa and Dolores while putting down the kid again.

Jesus, when did her life become so…colourful? So vivacious? So…busy?

Vanessa greeted Lin, only mocking Jon a tad for looking that bad and busted and then went on to catch her youngest son before he could smash anything, first and foremost his own head.

In the meanwhile, Catherina had drawn a basic dinosaur, exchanged her art with Sebastian’s and fixed an official appointment for the following day with him so they could work some more on their respective dinosaur paintings.

Dolores had taken hold of the suitcases and was already filling up a machine while Elena stirred pots and tried to keep Jonathan from snacking.

As it was already quite late, Vanessa rounded up the children, kissed everybody goodnight and got ready to leave.

“Is this what it feels like to have a family?” Catherina wondered aloud.

Reminiscences of her guilt and her family and all the things she was still struggling with surged within her, but Vanessa’s almost apologetic smile broke the spell when she said: “Yeah, sorry, we shouldn’t have come. You have enough on your plate. But, yes, this is what having family looks like, people who bring their kids and their dogs without being invited and burst into your home whenever they feel like it.”

She shrugged and Catherina had to fight back tears. So, this is what it felt like, she never would have imagined it to be that surprising and calming at the same time.

“You can always swing by if you feel like it.” She then said feebly as Lin dashed past her in hot pursuit of something she couldn’t see.

“Thanks a lot. I’ll be back tomorrow to bring Sebastian for his drawing class.” Vanessa chuckled.

“You can leave the little one here as well and have an afternoon off?” Catherina offered, nodding to the small child that was already fast asleep in his mother’s arms despite having proclaimed not to be tired at all only a few minutes prior.

Ushering Sebastian out the door, Vanessa winked and whispered: “Oh, are you ready for the full family experience? We have to move the divorce along, Lin and me that is. Also, Jonathan might have to appear in court. So…are you ready? For someone else’s divorce, court meeting, kids and so on?”

“Bring it, sister.” Catherina laughed and waved until she could no longer see the woman and her child disappear into the night.

“What was all that about?” Lin asked as Catherina was pinning Sebastian’s dinosaur on the corkboard in the hall.

“You need a divorce. Jonathan may need to go to court. I will babysit your sons tomorrow. The usual madness.”

Lin looked at her long and hard. She was so unlike that woman he had met that first night in the theatre, she looked fuller, happier, more relaxed.

Instead of the curated ice and the pearls, there was light around her now, light and love and children’s drawings and men’s socks and the laughter of Elena ringing through the house like a fairy song.

Her shoulders had dropped and she no longer looked like she was ready to run at any given moment, which made him insanely happy.

“I love you, girl.” He breathed and she turned around with a wide smile, one of the genuine, honest ones that made her face light up.

“I love you too, boy.” She replied and while they were walking to the kitchen where Elena was screeching that Jonathan was to keep his filthy reindeer-paws out of her pots, Catherina told Lin about the elderly man at the airport who had thought that she was literally on the phone with two youngsters.

“So…I’m a boy too.” Lin did a little spin that made Elena cock one eyebrow.

“Guess not everybody is meant to be a ballerina.” She sighed, putting pots and bowls on the table, faithfully trailed by Jonathan.

“Oh, your secretary, potential secretary that is, comes back tomorrow. I’ll be there, I do NOT trust THEM anymore.” Cal interjected before they could settle down to eat.

“Are you not staying?” Catherina looked up, confused.

“Erm, no, I have to get home, take a shower and have a videocall with my girlfriend. As I said, I’ll come back tomorrow, boss. See you.”

And with that, he almost rushed out.

“Girlfriend, hmmmm…” Catherina mused, snatching up a potato wedge and putting it in her mouth, promptly burning her tongue in the process.

“Leave the poor man be. God, and to think that you’ve once been so shy and demure.” Elena mocked her, but not without putting one arm around Catherina’s hip to pull her closer into a soft kiss.

“Well, you can kiss that girl goodbye.” Catherina laughed.

Food was piled up onto plates while the night outside darkened and a sense of silent peace descended upon the house.

It was definitely good to be home again.

“How come, by the way, that you haven’t ever introduced us to Catherina before?” Lin asked after the plates were cleared away.

“Like, we’ve known each other for many years, but you’ve never introduced us to her before.” He went on as if Elena had misunderstood his meaning, which she hadn’t.

Elena dried her hands off in a slow, careful, methodical manner before breathing in deeply and letting the air gush out of her in one big sigh.

“I guess…because…jealousy?”


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A whole lot of fluff and retrospects today.
> 
> Enjoy <3

23

“Jealous of WHAT???” Lin exclaimed, hopping onto the freshly cleaned table to block Elena from leaving the room and looked at her expectantly.

“Oh, come on! We’re talking about the woman I was in love with and who was married to a MAN! Do you really think that I’d sacrifice a minute of my precious time with her for…two fucking Disney leading men? I think not, huh?”

Elena sighed again, she knew that she had been too hard and tried to explain a little better.

“I only ever saw her for short amounts of time and God, you’re right, I’ve known you for a long time and I’ve seen Jonathan hover around more than once. You’re amazing and I knew that she would love you, that Catherina, being herself, would sniff out the pain and the hurt and the longing and would do her utter best to alleviate it. So, I was selfish, look how things turned out when I eventually introduced you to each other. I was egotistic, I wanted to keep her for myself. I didn’t want to share her with such charming and adorable people. I just couldn’t. She was such a fan, I was such a fan, but beyond that, I knew that she’d plunge into your souls and I had so little of her that I was not willing to give the slightest sliver of that up. Not even for you.”

Lin nodded slowly: “Yeah, I can see that. So, what made you change your mind?”

“Her misery. I also knew that you could keep her here, keep her alive, maybe keep her in New York. I’ve known Catherina all my life and even though I don’t pretend that I could have predicted what has happened exactly, I was almost certain that she would be won over by you, by your light, by the life pulsing through you. I used you.”

Lin was still nodding. “Used me…hmmm, I guess it worked. How did that all feel for you, Catherina?”

Catherina pondered for a second and then said: “Well, as you now know, I had organised the whole shablam, so I knew what was going on…but, entering the theatre it was a mix of “How far I’ll go”, “Defying gravity” and “Go the distance”, I guess. I was tired, I was aching, but I also knew that this might be the last chance I’d get to make my life my own.”

“You did not expect us, did you?” Jonathan leant against the table, snug against Lin’s leg and smiled that warm, accepting smile that had been her blanket and her nightlight many a time before.

“I had no idea. I mean, I have never been one for fangirling. I like to admire people from a distance and yes, of course I knew who you were. I am obsessed with Broadway, I am obsessed with Disney movies, I have seen the series and the movies, but you’re not exactly the kind of celebrities I was used to meet. So, no, I didn’t see it coming.”

“I guess we are Disney leading men, though?” Lin stroked his chin and looked up at Jonathan.

“I am an animated character and you’re either an animated girl or a chimney-sweep. Does that count? I’m not sure…”

“You are my Disney-prince, that’s for sure.” Lin replied with his best puppy eyes.

“Awwww. I’m sure Elena could have found more attractive people to introduce Catherina to. Hell, I’m sure Catherina does know more attractive people as it is.”

Elena closed her eyes slowly and then opened them again, fixing Jonathan with her gaze and framing his face with both her hands.

“I could have and she does, but Jon, my darling Jon, she was dying and all my just anger and my protection wasn’t going to be enough. I needed you, your gentle heart, your understanding and your warmth. I needed Lin’s energy and drive. I needed you to revive her soul and her mind while I was trying to revive her heart. Your appearance never mattered, not even before she knew you, not even before I knew you.

You two have beautiful souls, beautiful minds, beautiful voices. I needed to save her life and I didn’t know, in this very moment where I could have lost her yet again, I didn’t know how else to do it.”

“Oh Elena, that is so nice of you.” Jon blushed furiously which made Elena laugh again.

“I feel like an immense burden.” Catherina murmured.

“Oh no, baby, look at what you’ve done since. I laid all the gifts I could think of at your feet and you’ve returned our dreams to us. Just as Jonathan reflects warmth and Lin genius, you reflect longing, you’ve always had a sense for what people most longed for and you’ve tried your best for them to achieve it.” Elena grasped Catherina’s hand gently.

“Did we all suspect that those two had a thing for each other? Yes, sure, did we do shit? No, because we were too afraid to plunge headfirst into the story of someone else, to drown in someone else’s pain…After everything you’ve lived through, how can you still be so hopeful, so full of faith that things will work out?”

Catherina lifted Elena’s hand to her lips and kissed it.

“I don’t know. I just…it’s not like I pushed them or anything.”

“Faith. You are faith in human form, despite better knowledge and against all odds, you brandish your faith like a flag, you profess your faith like a war cry.” Lin agreed.

Catherina had never seen herself as a kind of martyr, she was used to being almost invisible, a good girl, obedient, quiet and submissive, but things had changed since and she did indeed speak her mind and fought for a world she wanted to actually live in.

“What did Javier actually say in the end?” Elena asked as they sat in the living room later, discreet music playing in the background.

“I don’t know. I don’t care.” Catherina retorted, shuffling deeper into her blanket.

“I am still quite nervous about him. He is a man.” Elena admitted, meeting Jonathan’s eyes and reading understanding in them.

“Yes, he is. So was Jeff. So are our friends here. What about it?” Catherina yawned.

“You know exactly what I mean. As we were talking about old times, I mean, how was I to know…”

“Oh Lena, I really haven’t cared much for people in particular in my life. Men or women, so what exactly are you jealous about?”

“I WAS AT YOUR WEDDING! I saw you walk down that aisle, I saw you say “yes” to a traditional life, I saw your father beam with pride and something inside me died.” Elena fought back tears.

Catherina thought about that for a moment before she nodded.

“Yes, you were there and absurdly enough, I may not have gone through with it if you hadn’t. You were there and so was Cal. I’m sorry if that hurt you and I wish I could make you understand why I did what I did.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ve never had friends that were allowed to be my friends, you know. So, Jeff said he’d take care of me and he did.”

And her father had had to die before she ever even dared to step outside of that box, she had been raised in. She would forever carry that shame within her heart.

People called her brave a lot these last few months, but she had always cowered before her father, obeyed his rules and lived in his shadow without ever really speaking up against him.

“I thought I had lost you. I have lost you so many times before, to university, to your father, to Jeff. You didn’t come back as often as before and then when you did…”

“When she did, she brought everything back.” Jonathan sighed.

Three pairs of eyes turned to him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I had almost succeeded. I had almost gotten over it. The ridiculous crush on a married man, on a friend, on an artist I admired so much. Tons of work and lots of distance…I really thought I had gotten over it. I swear.”

“Me?” Lin crawled closer to him, all the way into his lap.

“No, Ricky Martin. Yes, of course you, you damn fool.” Jonathan laughed.

“And there I was, staring at that piece of paper, thinking about the paper itself and Lin hugged me from behind and all the meticulous work was blown away. His arms, his smell, the sound of his voice. I could have fucking cried.”

“Me too.” Elena interjected, turning to Catherina to explain: “I went to the dressing room, following the scent of coffee and there they were, same old, like an old picture come to life.

I had missed them you know…in a way, they’ve always were a sore spot to me.”

“Oh how so?” Lin inquired, not actually offended but somehow irked.

“I knew the look in Jonathan’s eyes. You looked so happy to be there, so happy to see him, and in his eyes was the ever-painful question if it was happy enough.”

Her hands fluttered helplessly in front of her body, desperate to explain, to make them understand.

“You don’t know how it feels to wish you could change the world. To feel this kind of way for someone who has proven that they didn’t feel the same, for someone taken, for someone apparently immune to your own sinful proclivities.” Elena’s eyes wandered back to Catherina.

“I love you, I have always loved you, I have loved you so much that I watched you get married, I’ve loved you so much that I WANTED you to be happy even if I was never to have you and in a way, I was torn between the need to see you and the fear of breaking if I did.”

“What she said.” Jonathan agreed, nodding slowly.

He thought back to that fateful moment, to that second in time when his mind was crystal clear and a part of him admitted to himself that he would never completely get over Lin, would never be able to hear his voice without feeling a pang of mournful longing inside his guts, would never look upon his face without wishing he could see it again, just a second longer, maybe forever…

“Well…I was happy to be there.” Lin said in a small voice.

“I came in and when I grabbed a coffee and saw the others, I realised who was being reunited and I ran, I knew I had to find Jon, I wanted to see him and there he was. I felt like crying too, but it would have been a good cry, a cry of relief and immense happiness.

Actually, I thought the same thing: His voice, his smell, my arms around his body. I felt safe, I felt home, I felt like something that had been rattling around in my body had finally found its place again. I felt whole. I am so sorry that you didn’t feel the same.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, fluff and desperate love.
> 
> Enjoy these flights of fancy...<3
> 
> (Thank you for all the Kudos, dear readers, I am so happy to see that someone is still reading this)

24

“But I did. That is the awful part. I did, I felt like everything I’ve ever wanted or needed was right there and yet unreachable.”

“I was always just a breath away. Always.”

Looking at Catherina, Jonathan replied: “I lacked faith.”

“Don’t make me out as someone who always knows what they’re doing.” Catherina laughed.

“I remember my confusion. I hadn’t slept for God knows how long and I was feeling so damn cold, I didn’t even know if I wanted to stay in New York and then Elena invited two strangers into my home. And I said yes.

Maybe that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life, maybe, if I hadn’t been that tired, I would have come up with a polite excuse. I don’t know.

I remember crying, you were the first strangers to ever offer help without knowing who I was or what was going on. I remember the warmth of your hugs.”

She was probably rambling by this point, but she didn’t care.

“You looked hurt.” Jonathan shrugged.

“I was. As a matter of fact, watching you two interact has always been very interesting and strangely healing to me.”

“You like to look at people, huh? Well, we’re no good to be looked at. As Elena has pointed out so graciously, we’re subpar in the looks department.” Lin mocked.

“You’re really not. You are both gorgeous in your own way, no doubt, but…looks are such a pointless thing, compared to the way you revolved around each other, compared to those unnoticed and exchanged glances, compared to the smiles.”

“It was an emotional night, for sure.” Jonathan agreed, remembering himself the panic in Elena’s eyes, the way Lin had just followed her without even asking and Catherina herself, a shadow pulsating with pain.

“I was offered precious things. So much more precious than anything I’ve ever gotten before. In this one moment, I was offered real love for me to see, for me to almost touch and…that’s why you don’t need to ever worry about Javier.”

Catherina flung back the blanket and jumped up, kneeling beside Elena.

“He offered me a hypothetical life, riches, names, grounds. He did not offer up a friend, not solace, not a hug, not real things that would make any situation more bearable. You gave me this,” She flung out her arms wide, “what is a name and an estate compared to this?”

“I don’t think that we equal an estate or a title.” Jonathan said, dejected.

“Then you are a fool. I’d rather be your friend than a baroness. That’s the only title I’ll ever need.” Catherina gave back, shaking her head slowly.

“I’ve learned an awful lot and I cannot go back. Even if he wasn’t a racist scumbag, I could never give up this life. I picture you with me when I feel alone. I’ve replaced that cold armour of a strict upbringing with the memories of your laughter, you know?”

“You imagine us?” Lin turned to her, eager to hear her explain.

“Yes, I was walking to that dinner table and in my mind, I conjured up all the things I remember most fondly. Actually, I can hear the sound of your steps and the ring of your laughter, I can see you laughing and my mind draws your movements into empty space. You are the most precious thing I own, the memories of you living, breathing, loving, I brought them to Javier, they were there and he never knew.”

That made Catherina laugh a little.

“How droll, really, there they were thinking about how rich I was when really, they had no idea…I guess though, Doña Ana was very disappointed, she took me for the marrying kind.”

“You are.” Elena interjected, a little deflated.

“I am. But not just anyone.” Catherina gave back carelessly.

A strange silence fell over them. Jonathan thought about marriage, about weddings, just like Catherina, Lin was the marrying kind, but that was an option he had not thought possible for himself for the longest time.

“Her wedding was beautiful.” Elena mused.

“It was beautiful, expensive, worthy of any and every Disney-princess. She looked like an angel and I cried. There were exotic animals…” Her voice trailed off.

“It wouldn’t have surprised me if my father had put a black person in a cage with a sign saying “the negro” if he had not despised “darkies” that much.” Catherina added in a sharp, low tone.

“Oh…yes, that’s true.” Elena nodded.

“He still really sounds like an awful person.” Lin sighed, once again thinking about what that old man would have said if he knew what had happened to his beautiful house in New York or where his only daughter would end up.

“What the hell are you doing so long in there?” Jonathan looked at the clock again.

Lin had been showering forever and Jonathan started to wonder if he had fallen asleep in there.

“Getting ready.” Came the cocky reply and Jonathan thought to himself that if Lin opened the door in a red satin negligée, he wouldn’t even be surprised.

Shrugging out of his clothes, he looked at himself in the mirror. He had healed up nicely enough and the bruises had started to fade, strength returning to him in tiny increments day by day.

“Don’t be foolish, you will never be a classic Hollywood-beau.” He murmured to himself, while he indulged in a tad of innocent vanity.

His hair was nice enough and he thought that he had a friendly face, but he was neither muscular nor slender enough to be what the industry needed from leading men. Also, he was way past 30 now, but his face disqualified him from being a serious villain or a dandy hero.

Sighing, he turned a bit and shrugged. He was loved, he was honestly, deeply loved and nobody seemed to care for the fact that he didn’t look like those men in magazines. Even Elena had not turned away in disgust, of course, she had been quite drunk at that moment, but she had smiled and said that he looked “nice”.

His body was whole, it would hold his soul for a little longer and that was all that mattered, wasn’t it?

The door opened and another middle-aged body strode in.

A body way too small to hold that immensity of a soul, that world of a mind that it contained and yet…it did.

Wet and shimmering, Lin wore nothing but a smile, but boy oh boy, what a smile it was.

“Are you admiring yourself, Groffsauce?” He teased, hugging Jonathan from behind the way he had done a million times before and still, this warm feeling ran down Jonathan’s spine the same as always.

“Assessing the damage.” Jonathan corrected, screwing up his face.

“You’re just fishing for compliments, my beauty.” Lin mocked some more, running his fingers down Jonathan’s sides, down his thighs and up over his torso again, all the while peering around him into the mirror.

“Let me just feel sorry for the beauty I’ve realistically never have had.” Jonathan laughed, staring at those agile fingers flying swiftly over his skin.

“I’ve known you for a long time, Jon, you are getting more handsome by the day.”

“Love makes you biased, love.” Jonathan corrected.

“It may. Now that you’re mine, I find you more enchanting every time I see you and I see you a lot and I want to see you infinite times before I never see anything ever again.”

Those words came easily to him, Jonathan knew, and he let himself sink into them, into the warmth of the feeling and into the love that washed away the hurt and the insecurity.

“Will you never tire of it?” He asked, nodding to the mirror.

“Tire of what? Of my hands on your skin? I could not tire of seeing you anymore than I could tire of seeing the sky. I could not tire of hearing you anymore than I could tire of music. I could not tire of being with you than I could tire of living.”

Lin shrugged and Jonathan felt his skin rub against his, could feel his movement more than actually see it and again, the warmth rushed through his veins, instantly turning into white-hot fire as Lin’s hands plunged between his legs.

Letting his head drop back, letting it rest upon Lin’s shoulder the way he had always done, Jonathan took a deep, shaky breath.

“I love you boo, it makes me sexually confused to be aroused when hearing a reindeer and watching serial killers describe their murders, but, God, don’t I love you?”

“You know that’s all pretence, right?” Jonathan sighed, grinding his ass in tiny circles against Lin’s midsection.

“There’s nothing on earth realer than your voice, Jon, and you know it.” Lin replied, pressing hard against the entrancing movement of Jonathan’s hips.

Jonathan spun around at that point, staring into Lin’s eyes, smiling that soft half-smile that made his warm chuckle resound within Lin’s head before it ever left Jon’s lips.

He was comfortably tired and longed to take a long bath, but Lin had showered already and he didn’t feel like being alone.

“Oh damn, the water.” Lin exclaimed and rushed back into the bathroom.

Jonathan heard splashes, water running and then the smell of something warm and exotic wafted through the open door.

“Come in.” Lin called and Jonathan obeyed.

Fighting against the tears that crept up his throat, Jonathan stepped closer.

The bathtub was filled with warm, scented water, fluffy towels were warming up on the radiator and a bottle of chilled wine sat in a cooler just beside the bathtub.

“I bought that shit for you.” Lin shook an expensive looking bottle of bath salts and smirked.

“So…how about a nice, warm bath?” And with that, he sunk invitingly into the hot water, sighing softly and stretching out his hand to Jonathan.

“Sometimes, it feels like you’re reading my mind.” Jonathan gasped and joined Lin in the tub.

“No baby, you said something about a hot bath on the phone yesterday and I thought for one that it was a very good idea.” Lin contradicted him.

He was tired himself; it had been a long few days, but it was so nice to sit here in the warm water, Jon’s head on his shoulder.

Peppering that same head with tiny kisses, Lin enjoyed the weight of the other man against his chest, the familiarity of the body, of the smell, of the feeling.

“I got so damn drunk, huh?” Jonathan murmured, already half asleep.

“Hmmm, you did, baby, you did.” Lin chuckled, the arousal giving way to something much softer and deeper.


	25. 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, the promise of smut :)  
> Enjoy
> 
> (Is this the second chapter I posted today? I don't quite remember, I'm dead on my feet, so if it is, Bonus chapter for you...)
> 
> Enjoy <3

25

Musing over the document, Catherina threw a quick glance at Elena, rolled up on the couch and fast asleep.

Her last will and testament. If she was to die tomorrow, heaven forbid, what would happen to all of her assets? Most business-related stuff would go to Caleb, much of the hard and disposable cash to charities and projects.

Her eyes lingered at the third part of the document.

Provisions. Provisions for Elena. Provisions for Lin and Jonathan. Provisions for Lin’s kids. Provisions for Dolores.

She hoped that they would never know, hoped to be able to alter this document many times yet in the future, but for the moment, were she to die the very next day, Catherina would have made sure that those closest to her were provided for.

A sad smile crept upon her face, she was not ready to die, she had so many things to do and achieve yet.

Like getting a tattoo, like maybe getting married again and go to Puerto Rico for her honeymoon, like growing old with Elena at her side.

Noiselessly, she got up and stood looking out of the window, taking in the night and the silence, the sense of being home, of being safe and loved and protected.

“LIN!”

Jonathan jumped as Lin’s fingers had somehow found their way to his ass.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You were sitting so comfortably and all…” Lin chuckled.

And there it was again, that huge question, that definite action they hadn’t taken yet and that lingered at the edge of their mind at any given moment.

“What about that shiny gift you brought home from your shopping trip with Elena, can we at least try that one?”

Lin’s voice was deep and low and beguiling and…why not? Jonathan had sworn to himself that he’d be less of a prude, he knew that they could not go on like that forever, but it was late and both of them were tired.

“Okay.” He agreed, he could give Lin that much and if he was completely honest, he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his body either.

“Okay, wash up then.” Lin exclaimed and almost leapt out of the shower.

Shaking his head over the never-ending supply of energy that man had, Jonathan did as he was told and left the bathroom.

A fleeting thought of Elena and Catherina caressed his mind. He was in their home, in their house and he was about to put a buttplug into another man in Catherina’s father’s bed, it was indecent, really.

But as he entered “their” room, he saw Lin brandishing the plug as if it was a treasure and the beatific smile on his face lighting up the whole room made Jonathan forget about decency and about being a respectful houseguest.

Lin had laid out the lube as well and he looked as eager as a puppy bringing his leash to Jonathan.

Grinning as well, Jonathan operated the dimmer that he and Elena had bought and installed in the house while Lin and Catherina had been away.

“Ooooooh.” Lin chanted, charmed by the dimmed light and Jonathan’s pristine body framed between the posts of the antique bed.

He thought about those tiny Renaissance angels on ceilings and in paintings and he was almost certain that if they were to grow up, they’d look exactly like Jonathan.

Jonathan, in turn, watched Lin and his dark hair flowing like silk around that adorable face. Never in his life had he better understood the racist stereotype of the Latina, of her dark and dangerous seduction, of the bewitching magic of sea breeze and palm trees and endless mellow nights spent caressing that dusky skin.

Catherina found solace in Jon’s eyes and Elena found solidarity in them and both were right, Jon’s eyes were warm and most of the time twinkling with humour and sympathy, but in this very moment, Lin saw what was seldom seen. He saw that warmth he so loved himself turn into fire, saw the gentle twinkle blaze into a shine and he basked in the heat of that gaze.

Gone were the ideas of gentle baby-angels. This was what the archangels must have looked like, the soldiers of God, the creatures of his just wrath and swift punishment.

The hand that slowly slid up his calve though, was still gentle and tender, there was no force, no violence, no anger in this touch.

Lin knew that he would have welcomed it if Jonathan had ravaged him, but he also knew that they were still only building trust when it came to these things.

Tracing the scars on Jonathan’s skin, Lin also remembered that his love was only just recovering his strengths as well and that he had to be patient.

“I am marred forevermore.” Jonathan sighed, his awkward joke barely covering the unspoken dread Lin had discovered in his eyes before the bath already.

Twisting, Lin pressed his lips against the spot where a knife had penetrated Jonathan’s skin and body. It was not the marks that displeased him, it was what they stood for, it was the act of violence and of hate that was forever memorialised on this wonderful skin.

“I hate that you’ve been hurt.” He murmured, remembering with painful clarity every single hematoma, every stitch, every wound. Most had healed and faded, but until his dying day, he wouldn’t forget them.

“I am alive. I am well. I am not a victim. Don’t remember me as a victim, please.” Jonathan pleaded, taking Lin’s hands into his.

“You are right. And beautiful. God, neither time nor this attack have made you any less gorgeous.” Lin sighed, allowing himself to take in the strength that had returned to Jonathan, the knit flesh, the rosy tint of his blush. He was alright, he was whole.

And damn arousing.

A thousand images flashed before his inner eye, again and again, all the times he had not acted on his impulses, all the times he thought he had caught Jonathan leering but wasn’t quite sure.

Even though he always pretended that he knew exactly what to expect, he had to admit that every single time they went a step further, it came as a surprise to him and it was quite confusing and exciting at the same time to relearn what sex was at his present age.

“Oh, by the way, Elena has bought us something else…” Jonathan whispered, blushing.

When Elena had hauled it in, at first, Jonathan had not really understood and then the penny dropped and he blushed just as furiously as he did now.

“It’s... a chair.” Lin looked up. “Jon?”

“Come sit here on that lovely chair for me, yes?” Jonathan patted the furniture invitingly.

Elena had gone out of her way to look for and get this chair for them and Jonathan would forever remember the twinkling in her eyes as she pushed it into the room.

“Sooner or later, you’ll have to get there. And when the moment comes, I’ll be your homegirl to go buy new toys and stuff. I’ll always be in your corner, you know that, right?”

Upon seeing the crimson shame in his face, she had chuckled tenderly, nudging him gently.

“I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine, yeah?” She asked and all he could do in that moment was nod stupidly.

Lin on the other hand, thought about a conversation he had had at one time with Catherina, remembering her flush and the resolution in her eyes as she leant over and whispered: “I’ve taken it up the backside before. Relax, I’m pretty sure Jonathan knows a tad better how to prepare you than Jeff did at that moment. It’s really not a big deal. Relax. Breathe. Sink into it.”

And he had believed her. Of course, as a woman, she had always been on the receiving end of sex, but there was no fear, no pain, no shame in her face when she said that.

And God knew, that he wanted to know more, feel more, experience more.

So he had cleaned and polished the toy Jonathan had brought home ages ago, when all was still so new and unsure and he was ready to have it inside of him, if God and Jonathan willed it to be so. He so wished they would.

Babysteps.

Sitting down on the lounge chair, Lin felt the warm leather embrace his ass in a tingling, comfortable way.

Jonathan grabbed both his legs and pulled him further towards the edge of the chair until he was almost lying down, his feet planted firmly on the ground and his whole nether regions exposed to his kneeling partner.

“Interesting…” Lin murmured, expectant of what Jonathan intended to do with all that access.

“So, you think you can tease me relentlessly? Is that what you think? Lin-Manuel?”

As he was about to answer, Lin was interrupted by the sensation of Jonathan’s fingers trailing down his body.

Stifling a gasp, he whimpered: “I’m sorry?”

“Are you though?” Sending a burning trail of kisses down his partner’s thighs, Jonathan’s growls seemed less playful than intended.

“I am. I am…Oh God, don’t stop there. Groff. I mean it. Please. Jon. My love. Please.”

Smirking to himself, Jonathan decided to keep his side of the teasing going for a little while longer before giving in to both of their desires.

“Jonathan. Jonathan Drew Groff.” Lin moaned, trying to sound authoritarian but failing miserably.

“That’s my name.” Jon replied, his breath and voice grazing Lin’s skin ever so slightly, making him break out in goose bumps.

Lin also realised very quickly that his position in this chair was less than ideal, he was leaning back comfortably, able to see Jonathan’s face, but his arms rested heavy at his sides and due to the downward angle, reminiscent of a gynaecologist’s chair, of the surface his legs rested on, getting up was pretty hard.

Where the hell did Elena get this fucking chair from and what did she exactly say to people to actually get it?

Had she always known? Had any and everybody always known?

His thoughts flew apart as Jonathan chose this very same moment to dive down between his legs and give in to his desperate pleas for relief.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual every day life. A small interlude today.
> 
> Enjoy :)

26

Catherina woke up earlier than all the others for once and slipped out of the house.

Humming “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast, she strolled down the street to get fresh pastries and flowers and all kinds of small things for the household before turning back and slipping back into her house.

Singing to herself quietly, she brewed coffee and looked out of the window wondering still how her life had ended up being everything she had never dared to dream of.

Old songs of her youth played in the background and she sang along to the soft French melodies, forgetting the world around her as she set the table.

“Hello beautiful.” Lin came in and whirled her around.

Something had changed, Catherina could see in his eyes and when Jonathan walked in behind him, his face bearing an expression between worry and pride, Catherina cocked her head instantly.

“Reina, you’re up? You…you went shopping? Oh…” Elena strode in, having been awoken by the unrest in the house more than by a specific sound.

Lin felt slightly raw, just a tad sore, but also heavy and fulfilled. His eyes went out of the window as well as he remembered Jon’s hands, Jon’s fingers, Jon’s lips, pushing, prodding, opening him up.

He had been careful, as he was wont to be, taking his time and driving Lin to the edges of sanity and back. It had taken ages, or at least what had felt like ages, before he even picked up the tiny butt plug and toyed around with it.

And then he dared to call Lin a tease, ha!

Jon had taken his sweet time, the actual insertion so painfully slow that Lin would have forced his hand, quite literally, if his position had allowed any such thing…which it hadn’t.

And so he had lain there, helpless, trembling, powerless, being explored with such an exquisite care that made him hate and adore Jonathan at the same time.

“My precious.” Jonathan purred into his neck and Lin had to think of Catherina and her eyes trained on them to keep himself from reacting inappropriately.

“Elena, something is up with them.” Catherina caught on nonetheless, of course she would.

“Hmmm…” Elena hummed, biting gently into the soft flesh where Catherina’s neck went into her right shoulder, holding it just a moment while sucking lightly.

“You’ve both been away…” She breathed again the heated, slightly flushed skin and Catherina closed her eyes slowly in a sensual and instinctive display of surrender which made it even harder for Lin to keep his body from betraying him, especially since he had forgone the underwear under his soft grey sweatpants to come to breakfast.

Jonathan was still standing behind him, his fingertips only ever so slightly grazing Lin’s buttcheeks and it took all the strength Lin had not to moan.

There was pride and a possessiveness that was entirely new in Jonathan’s voice.

Elena’s head snapped up and she stared long and hard at Jonathan as if she had heard Lin’s thoughts as a kind of creepy voice-over.

“Something HAS changed.” She agreed with Catherina and the way they exchanged glances was almost eerie now.

“What have you brought us, then?” Jonathan strolled casually over to the table, grabbing a pastry and nibbling at it tenderly, while looking straight into Lin’s eyes.

“He’s positively seducing that poor sod.” Elena whispered, grinning at Lin’s helpless face. Love surged in Catherina’s chest with painful clarity, washing over her like a wave threatening to drown her and so she was positively gasping for breath when Caleb walked in.

It took him a second to take in the scene, the dishevelled hair of all the people, the familiarity, the tension in an otherwise relaxed setting.

Jonathan was almost swallowing Lin up from where Cal stood, his whole body somehow folded around Lin’s and it was at the same time sweet and protective as well as possessive. In his hand a forgotten half-eaten pastry, he seemed to only see Lin despite the other people in the room.

Elena stared at them too, while Catherina seemed to be lost in thought.

Cal had seen these people a thousand, maybe more, times before and yet, they always came as a surprise to him.

“Good morning queerfolk.” He chirped in the attempt to disarm what he now recognized as a clearly sexual tension in the room.

Catherina literally shook off her thoughts and turned to him with a dazzling smile.

She didn’t even bristle at the use of the word he had used, and he was amazed and stunned by how comfortable she was with her new status.

Intrigued, he grabbed both the shoulders of his sister and looked her straight in the eye as he said: “You are a lesbian.”

Her gaze didn’t flicker as she replied: “I am a bisexual in a lesbian relationship.”

“Lord have mercy.” Caleb exclaimed as he threw up his hands over his head.

His little sister, a woman who had flinched every single time someone had addressed her by her husband’s name and many a time when her actual maiden name had been used, a girl who would sit in corners and try not to draw any attention, had just looked straight into his eyes and claimed her sexuality.

“You should spend less time with prostitutes and mummers, baby.” Elena laughed, remembering the would-be-rapist who had cornered Catherina to insult her a few months prior.

“Yeah, in showbiz, it’s common enough.” Lin shrugged but he also remembered the woman he had met the first time and how reserved and discreet she had been.

“Oh, give me a break.” Catherina laughed while she poured some coffee for her brother.

“I’ve been a lesbian all my life. I’m no longer offended.” Elena said and nudged Jonathan in passing, who also nodded and shrugged.

Far from offended, Elena was elated. She never would have expected Catherina to get to the point to say this out loud. This morning was definitely full of surprises.

“What say you to all this, Lin?”

Catherina turned to him, looking for an ally.

“As I said, it’s not exactly exotic…” Lin squirmed a bit, all eyes pinned on him.

They remembered though, the family man, the father of two. As classical and traditional as one could be, except…that he was Lin and that the world and all of its possibilities were too small for the size of his mind or his heart.

“I’ve never much thought about it…I guess…Until…”

Until forever ago now, until this dude or the other, until Jonathan. And even then, he had deflected, blamed it on the hormones, on the fatigue, on Jonathan’s voice, on the circumstances.

“Until I couldn’t think of anything else anymore, really.” He admitted with a sigh.

Until Catherina had become a mystery benefactor, until he was once again in a dressing room with Jonathan, until time and fatigue had chipped away the proper façade he had been cultivating throughout the years.

“Do celebrities have celebrity crushes?” Caleb mused into the silent room while sipping his coffee.

For a moment, there was stunned silence and then everybody started laughing raucously as if Caleb had made an elaborate joke.

“We’ve watched their celebrity crush unfold live on YouTube.” Elena laughed and pointed at the two men facing her.

Lin cocked one eyebrow, imagining Elena and Catherina watching those fan-clips on the internet, sighing and giggling. Strangely enough, the idea made him happy more than embarrassed. He was an entertainer through and through and any way he could make such a sad and sullen girl as Catherina had been smile was good to him.

The difference between that time, between furtive looks and seemingly innocent touches, the random brushing of skin against skin, the drunken cuddles, and the things that had passed the previous night was immense and that as well filled him with a bubbling sense of happiness and contentment.

Rita was let in by an elderly Latina as had many people before her.

“They’re all in the kitchen, but it seems to me, that they’ve forgotten that you were to come in the morning.”

The first time Rita ever got to behold her potential employer face to face was mesmerizing. She had imagined a woman that rich, that influential and powerful, somewhat more stuck-up.

Catherina leant against the kitchen counter, smiling up at her brother and sipping a cup of coffee.

“Hello. I’m Rita. I’m of Italian and Mexican descent. I am diligent. I am clean. I am…,” with a short nod to Caleb, “discreet. I really hope you’ll consider my candidature for this job.” I need that job to keep my family alive, I need a place to stay and be useful, lest I lose my mind in this world.

“Good morning, Rita. I am Catherina. You’ve met Dolores.” Catherina straightened and the person Rita had expected to see seemed to grow inside her skin.

Despite her casual garb, there was an air of cold steel and of an even colder mind about her as she built up tension in this tiny body.

“Elena, my girlfriend. My houseguests.” Catherina went on introducing people.

“We had the pleasure of meeting shortly yesterday. I trust you feel better today, Mister Groff?” Rita nodded to him as well, still humiliated by her outburst the previous day.

“I am, thank you.” Jonathan gave her his warmest smile and she seemed to relax a little.

“Caleb?” Catherina turned to her brother and when he nodded, so did she.

“Very well. You may try to work for and with me for a time. I am a handful and I had a few stressful weeks just now. I’d like to think that I am a fair employer, but as Caleb is the only person who has ever really directly worked for me, you’d better ask him. We will make up the rules as we go.” Catherina shrugged.

“I am obedient and I am loyal. I shall never divulge anything about you, your friends, your ways of life, your actions or decisions to anyone. I shan’t.” Rita swore, uncomfortable with not being reprimanded immediately.

Catherina nodded again. She could smell the fear on the younger woman. There was something driven, something passionate, something almost desperate about her and she was dying to find out what it was and how she could make her feel a little better.

Faith, that’s what her friends had said, she had faith and the strong urge to make people feel better.

Smoothing her skirt with both her palms, Rita said: “Thank you very much for the opportunity. If it’s agreeable to you, I will start right away. Is there anything very pressing?”

“Correspondence.” Caleb and Catherina said in unison and laughed.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay today...
> 
> So, today, a polemic chapter once again, this time there will be references to sexual violence, be advised.  
> If that might trigger you, just skip the chapter, please. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.
> 
> Enjoy <3

27

When she heard the gentle knock, Rita looked up from the piles of opened and unopened letters on the small desk she sat at.

“I thought you might want a cup of coffee.” Jonathan put it down before her and noticed that she didn’t even look into his eyes.

“Lin?” He called out of the open door, hoping that his boyfriend could maybe thaw the ice around the woman huddled in front of him.

Lin strode in and Rita did in fact lift her head a fraction to look at him curiously.

They introduced themselves again and she nodded, repeating her own name mechanically, still fiddling with the letter opener and going on meticulously sliding open envelopes.

“I am not distracted by men. I take my work seriously.” She then said after a few seconds, in an almost hostile tone.

Lin and Jonathan exchanged a glance, this was a dangerous area to tread on. Both of them were men and they had no idea of all the traps women had to avoid in their daily life.

“We are not here to distract you. We just wanted to see if you needed anything.”

When he saw her eyes flash, Lin lifted both his hands defensively.

“Not like that. Jesus, we just came here to ask if you’re alright. Catherina is on the phone and…”

“We were nosy, let’s be honest, we were nosy.” Jonathan shrugged apologetically.

Rita looked up again, her face expressing sheer disbelief and a dash of horror.

She was weary of them. She had always been just a bit shrewd, more interested in filing and tidying than in boys…or girls for that matter and yet, she had lost two posts because her bosses didn’t like her or because the other girls were jealous of her and made up lies about her slacking on the job and one because the foreman had tried to rape her.

She didn’t have prejudices against these two men _per se_ , but in her experience, it was never a good sign when men came into your office to “check up on you”.

Also, she wasn’t sure what the exact relationship between her employer and these two was, so she preferred not to offend anyone or make them resent her in any way.

She really needed this job, her mother was ill and her father was breaking his back trying to find a way to get her younger siblings through.

All she had to do was keep her head down and work harder than she’s ever worked.

The pay was good, the sum Caleb had talked about was almost too good to be true.

What if they paid her that much so she would entertain the illustrious guests of her employer?

Tears sprang to her eyes as she considered prostitution and really, honestly, wondered if her pride was worth the life of her family.

“Kid, kid. What is going on?” Lin shuffled along the desk on his back so she would look at him as she was staring right down onto the dark wooden surface of it.

Biting her lip, she resigned herself to do whatever was asked of her as long as she wasn’t being hurt, or beaten, or forcefully raped or even killed.

“Catherina!!” Jonathan called, alarmed, sensing that something went really wrong.

Rita jumped up, panicked, looking around like a wild animal after hearing a shot.

“Don’t. I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t.” She was trying hard not to cry, lifting her hands with their palms up, pleading as if for her life.

Catherina walked into this, confused by the scene.

Lin was lying on her desk while her new secretary was evidently fighting against tears while Jonathan positively looked like a kicked Labrador puppy.

“We did something wrong.” He sighed, nodding towards Rita who was now trembling violently.

“What is it? What did you do?” Catherina asked and Jonathan explained that he had brought her a cup of coffee and then had called Lin because he thought maybe Lin was less awkward than him.

Catherina nodded to express that she followed his narration, but when he then weakly finished by saying that the girl had reacted rather panicky to anything and everything and that they had made it worse somehow though they didn’t exactly know how, Catherina cocked her head inquisitively.

“I… am sorry.” Rita mumbled, seeing her future slipping away and imagining the shame of having to tell her parents that she had failed them.

“They are really, really nice. You’ll get used to them, I hope, but they had no business coming here and frightening you when you’ve only just arrived.” Catherina then said to her.

“I’m sorry. I’ll make good on the time, I don’t let men or anyone else distract me. I’m sorry, I can…I do whatever you want. Whatever you need from me.”

The girl now looked wild, her eyes blazing in her round face that had gone deadly pale.

Catherina closed her eyes slowly as she understood.

“Leave. Now.” She said to Jonathan and Lin in a clipped voice that rang with such authority that both of them just shuffled out and closed the door behind them.

Rita thought she’d just faint then and there when the eyes of the older woman came to rest upon her.

“Lin and Jonathan are really good people. They’re my best friends and they wanted to welcome you in this … rather weird household. They had not a single bad intention towards you, you must believe me.

As for time, if someone needs something from you, be that Cal or Elena, or Lin or Jonathan, you’re welcome to do those things if you think it possible and agreeable to you. You are allowed to chat with the people who come here.” Catherina chuckled.

“People will come here who will give you no other choice than to chat with them. And that’s okay. You must know that I have a strong aversion to the idea of slavery, old-timey and modern. You’re my employee, not my thing, you are your own person and as long as you do the work you’re paid for, you may move freely through the house, talk to people, get yourself a snack…We are family here and you can be part of that. I’m sure Lin and Jonathan wanted to make you feel that, but there are other demons in your mind.

Now, for the work part. What I need you to do is keep my calendar updated, remind me of engagements, work with Caleb, write letters, answer calls, excuse me on the phone, whatever a secretary or, I might say, a personal assistant does. Nothing else is expected.

I will not ask you to do sleep with anyone. You are not my thing, you are definitely not my whore. These thoughts are toxic and they hurt the both of us.”

Catherina breathed out audibly, running her fingers through her hair in an exasperated attempt to regain her composure.

“I am sorry, I…” Rita started, but her words just fell away as her voice cracked.

She hadn’t had many friends in her life and she basically kept to herself, people approaching her were always threatening and she had to admit that maybe she had reacted too strongly. What if she had made herself loathsome to the inhabitants of this house within the first hour of her working here? It sounded just like her to go and do something stupid like that.

Rita knew that she was missing parts to fit in, but she had never seen herself as broken and yet, she had presented herself as such, as a distrustful, hostile person who jumped at the throats of innocent bystanders who apparently only wanted to make her feel welcome.

Mortification and shame rose in a tidal wave within her and for the first time in forever, she felt like crying. She had been the rock of her family for so long now, but she was tired of fighting, tired of pretending to be something she was not, tired of always making the wrong move.

At any and every turn of the way, she was either too trusting or too defensive. Either way she acted, it always somehow turned out wrong.

“I…what do I do now?” She asked Catherina, her eyes burning with shame and despair.

Catherina just smiled, she knew that the men felt almost as bad as her new secretary did and she also knew that they would accept and reciprocate her apologies with all their heart, but it was not for her to tell the girl what to do or to say.

She had to find her own way in this household and establish her own place.

“We are truly sorry.” Jonathan sat, nursing another cup of coffee.

“I know. She’ll come around.” Catherina kissed the top of his head and smiled into the woolly mess that were his curls.

“If we ever made you feel uncomfortable, we’re truly sorry. We are so sorry. Men are pigs.” Lin sighed and dragged both his palms over his face in exasperation.

Catherina wondered for a second, did she ever feel threatened by them in that way? Maybe?

She really didn’t know, it was their overflowing humanity that had frightened her in the beginning, but all of that was so long ago that she had somehow rewritten history in the meantime.

Slinging his arms around Catherina, Jonathan hugged her awkwardly, childlike and she melted into the embrace that, to her, was safety and comfort.

Caleb was compiling papers that lay around and took a deep breath before facing the dragon that was Catherina’s new secretary.

Fitting, he thought as he stomped up the stairs, that Catherina would have such a serious, forbidding little creature as an assistant.

“Sorry to disturb you, here are some other papers that I had…lying around.” He announced before even entering the room.

He smiled to himself upon seeing the focused frown on Rita’s face and her discarded shoes standing, neatly lined up, beside the antique desk.

Piles of papers lay ordered upon the sleek surface, already chronologically ordered he was sure and just waiting to be filed away.

“Ah yes, thank you. Does the mistress know that she has a banquet tonight?”

Caleb flinched twice at this sentence.

“Don’t let her ever hear you call her that. She’ll break out in hives, call her Catherina, Miss Catherina if necessary, but never give her honorifics. Also…no, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.” He sighed.

He would have loved for the new girl to jump into the maw of his sister, but as this was most definitely his fault, he would have to be the one to tell her as well.

“I’ll let her know. If she kills me, it has been nice to make your acquaintance.” He said and went down again, sighing again.


	28. 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, the precarious balance between home and work life for Catherina...
> 
> Enjoy <3

28

Awkward silence at the lunch table.

“I am sorry.” Caleb moaned as Catherina glared daggers at him.

Elena chuckled inwardly, even though she was far from happy to know that Catherina had to go to some consulate or other.

“I could try to excuse you?” Rita proposed, but Catherina shook her head, knowing very well that she had to show up there.

Dolores walked in and motioned to Catherina to come out for a second.

“Hey, sorry, are we too early?” Vanessa stood in the hallway with the kids.

Sighing, Catherina decided that lunch was done and shook her head, explaining quickly what had happened this morning.

“OH, I can take them with me again?” Vanessa’s face fell and Catherina was quick to dismiss her thought.

After all, they were Lin’s kids. “With my new secretary, we’ll have six adults other than me in this house who can take of them if you’re not back when I leave. They can of course also spend the night. And I’d love to see the face of the ambassador when I tell him that I need to hurry home to look after my best friend’s kids because I promised his ex-wife.”

She chuckled and Vanessa fell in after a few seconds.

“Alright. Don’t let them drive you insane.” Vanessa kissed her on the cheek, handed her the wriggling toddler and waved at Sebastian before leaving the house maybe just a tad too hastily.

Setting the little one down, Catherina took the kids back to the kitchen where they decided that lunch was not done at all, especially because Dolores was about to cut open some cake.

Shortly after, Catherina was balancing Francisco on her hip while Sebastian was smearing her most expensive painting supplies over a canvas.

“Should he be using this?” Lin asked, cocking one eyebrow.

“Why not? What would you say if I gave you two blocks of wood to make music with?” Catherina replied, shifting the toddler from one hip to the other before handing him to Lin.

Sebastian had asked her to draw a dinosaur as well and she was in desperate need of inspiration. Having been a girlie girl all her life, dinosaurs had never especially been the kind of motif that she had preferred so, now, she had to come up with something good quite fast.

Lin watched her, paint smeared over her hands and wrists, clumped in her hair and streaking all of her clothes, as she gave his older son instructions on brushstrokes and colour composition.

“I am drawing my family. As dinosaurs.” The boy said proudly and pointed to the colourful blobs, explaining that the one was his mother with his little brother and then on the other side, his father and Jonathan.

Adding two other coloured blobs, he smiled at Catherina: “That’s you and Elena. I’ll give you crowns too. Like a princess.”

Catherina bend down to kiss the top of his head, feeling so overwhelmed with love that it bordered on pain.

How could this tiny person be so loving? So understanding? How could he just take in his stride what every single adult in this household struggled with so much?

Giving up, Catherina settled for a comic dinosaur. “Can you paint a portrait of me and Francisco as dinosaurs? Yes?”

“Oh no pressure, young Miranda.” Catherina laughed, but all Sebastian did was to shove the box of supplies closer to where she stood in the sunny kitchen.

“I’ll try.” Catherina mumbled, swearing to herself, hellbent on making this dinosaur the best dinosaur to have ever been put to paper.

The kids were napping on the couch as Elena strode restlessly through the living room.

An irrational anger built inside of her as the minutes ticked by and Catherina didn’t come down.

Lin was toying with a pen, his eyes far-off in the distance, whereas Jonathan looked as if he was about to doze off himself.

It was a comfortable afternoon at home, pleasant music in the background and the discreet chirping of songbirds outside of the window and yet Elena felt cold and impatient.

Rita took her leave, still shaken, and was more than happy to hear that she’d be expected back the following day despite the misunderstanding.

And then she heard the footsteps, the clacking of heels on the floor.

Catherina wore a light grey dress that made her look eerily beautiful, like a slightly imperfect bride, like an enchanted ghost and Elena hated her for it.

The woman she saw before her now was not the woman she loved, it was her shadow, her former self, like a call-back to a time of misery and separation.

“You look…beautiful.” Lin commented, but he caught on to the tension between the two women, he also saw the way Catherina’s shoulders were so tense that her clavicles seemed to strain against the skin that covered them.

Her hair was held back by a headdress that wound like a band of ice-crystals in perfect symmetry around a very pale face. In the last few months, they had grown accustomed to her naked face, but tonight, she wore a full face of make-up and no-one could have said that it was unbecoming, but it was nonetheless strange.

The dress shimmered in the dying light of the afternoon, it flowed around her like a lake of grey silk or like a cloud and once again, it was beautiful, but it looked unfamiliar all of a sudden.

“Look at you. You look nothing like yourself.” Elena spit, her anger flashing despite her best efforts to keep it at bay.

The dainty heels, the antique pearls, the rosy sheen on her lips and the expression on her face belonged to a woman Elena had hoped to have left behind.   
The heiress, the straight, obedient, filthy rich heiress. The woman she couldn’t have.

It was as if Catherina had retreated behind the shell she had grown up in and Elena hated it so much that tears sprang to her eyes.

“’thrina?” Sebastian blinked drowsily and as he started to move towards her, Lin’s hand fell heavy on his shoulder.

Catherina flinched back as if Lin had struck her.

All of a sudden, she was untouchable, unreachable, a person kids should steer clear of because they could soil the beautiful dress with their sticky fingers, a person that other people treated with respect but without warmth.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to make her friends see that she was still the same woman she had been a few hours before, that this was just a costume, but she didn’t dare.  
The weight of the role she was about to play weighed heavy on her heart as well.

“You look lovely.” Jonathan smiled, walked up to her and kissed her gently on the cheek.

Solace, sweet comfort.

Jonathan understood, he knew what it was like to play a role. Much more than Lin in a sense, he was an actor, inside and out. He was used to pretending to be things and people he was not and so he saw the pain lingering behind the steely gaze of Catherina.

At the same time, he also very well understood Elena’s outrage and Lin’s alienation over this look. There was a sense of turning back time to seeing Catherina like this and somehow, they thought that this meant that everything that had happened in between was cancelled or forgotten.

“I won’t be long.” Catherina breathed and even her voice had gone back to that half-whisper that she had used for the longest time.

“This is ridiculous. Why do you have to do that?” Elena burst out, her face and her eyes aflame with an anger and a hurt too big and violent to name.

Catherina opened her mouth, closed it, pressed her lips down on each other until they formed a thin line.

For a moment, she seemed to want to remain like that, but then she hissed:

“Don’t you be such hypocrites. I am not a brilliant composer like Lin or an acclaimed actor like Jon or a talented dancer like you. I am this. This is my JOB. I am standing in corners and I smile pleasantly. Don’t you get it? This is no different than your costumes…only, for me there will be no camera rolling and no benign public, for me there will be canapés and champagne and boring conversation. And I’ll sit through it and I will be damn charming. So what?”

Words like “prostitution” and “debasement” rolled around in Elena’s mind, but Lin grabbed her wrist before she could say something she would eventually regret.

He knew how she felt, but he also understood what Catherina was telling them.

“Will you come back?” Sebastian asked simply, rubbing his eyes vigorously.

“I shall always come back, baby. I promise.” She smiled at him.

“You look like a princess. I like you better in normal clothes though. This is not very nice for running around or painting, is it?” He went on, eying her dress suspiciously.

“It isn’t. That’s why I don’t wear that kind of thing very often. You go to bed and be a good boy, I’ll be back soon and you can always come see me and paint with me, huh?”

He nodded, content, went back to sit on his father’s lap and nap some more.

Once again, the child had put them all to shame and Catherina was painfully aware of the clock ticking behind her.

She would take a taxi out of the neighbourhood before having a limousine pick her up on the way so the neighbours would not feel too confused and curious.

Secretly, she wished she would have asked for a plus one, she wished she could have taken any of them, all of them, with her so she wouldn’t have to go alone.

“See you later.” She sighed and turned to the door.

“Wait…I’m sorry. It’s just so strange to see you back in those clothes, back in that skin…” Lin’s words died down, he braced himself and went on: “Do you still love us though?”

Catherina’s laugh was hard and a tad desperate as she replied: “Of course.”

Jonathan accompanied her to the door.

She could hear Elena fight against the sobs that were wrecking her body and she just wanted to turn back and stay here, but duty called and either way, she knew Elena well enough to know that she needed some time first to make sense of her own thoughts.

“There will be men. And they will leer and vie for your affection.”

Catherina rolled her eyes.

“It’s a constant fear, you know.” He bit his lip and looked so adorably cute and helpless that Catherina had to throw her arms around him and give him a tight hug.

“Never doubt me. I’ll be back.” She smiled and went out, comforted and strengthened by Jonathan’s presence.


	29. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of misery and fears :)
> 
> Enjoy my loves <3

29

Jonathan sat back down on the couch and wondered how to behave now.

The kids were asleep and yet, there were very adult subjects to be discussed and he was pretty sure that those two would wake up as soon as something was said that was not meant to be heard by them.

“It’s disheartening.” Elena sighed, her face expressing how much of an understatement her words were.

She understood of course, it was Catherina’s job, it was part of her father’s legacy, it was part of her own, but it unnerved her to discover that no matter how far she’d take Catherina away, no matter how well their life together went, there would always be that other side, that pull towards a life where Elena had no place in.

Why hadn’t she asked Elena to come with her? Was she ashamed? Would she never be ready to make her relationship really public? To say and display her love proudly?

The damn secretary had to sign an NDA, no doubt.

Were they Catherina’s dirty secret?

Catherina who had spent her afternoon painting with another woman’s son, Catherina who loved them dearly, but as so many other people in this world, Catherina had a public life and a private one and apparently, these two were still very much shut off one from another.

Lin’s thoughts ran along parallel lines but around another subject.

What had Vanessa told the kids? Did they know that he and Jonathan were an item?

Would they even understand if they had been told?

Sebastian had included Jonathan in his “family” of blobs so naturally, but what exactly did he think they were?

“Being an adult sucks.” Jonathan whispered and both of the others nodded.

Lin was looking at him with the kind of wistful longing he thought he had caught a thousand times before, only this time, he was not looking away as Jonathan returned the gaze and held it for a long moment.

He wanted to kiss him, wanted to lean over his sleeping child and kiss the man he loved, but just as Lin did, Jonathan wondered about what the kids knew and worried about hurting or confusing them.

“And we’re back in the closet.” Elena grunted, her eyes scanning the collection of books and movies Catherina had on display.

Catherina and her heteronormative life, she had been brought up to be a wife and a mother to a white, rich, if possible noble man. “Princess”, yes, she had been destined to be just that and now, that might never happen. Did she regret that?

Her eyes then wandered over to Jonathan and Lin, who also seemed to have devolved, who were back to sitting there, side by side, as if they were waiting for divine intervention.

In this very moment, the past caught up with them and devoured all of their progress in a few hungry, greedy gulps.

They were back in that place of doubt, of “what if” and of “should I”, “could I”, “dare I” and it was loathsome, but they were all pinned in place, waiting, ever waiting.

Classical music, crystal goblets, dimmed lights.

It was easy, it was like coming home.

Catherina smiled, she greeted people, she caught up with their lives and their projects.

Compliments were dealt out and returned, tiny portions of food were delicately lifted to painted lips and nibbled at, glasses were deferentially raised to this dignitary or another.

“My little Catherina.” An old family friend made his way towards her, looking her up and down appreciatively.

And she smiled as she had always smiled, demure, shy, clean.

That mouth that had explored the vagina of another woman now curled into the politest of closed-mouthed smiles and the hypocrisy of it made Catherina flinch.

“What’s going on in your life?” He asked and Catherina replied explaining her projects, her business, the changes she has made.

Not a word about that beautiful woman tearing at her own hair in this very moment, not a word about those friends she would have given her lifeblood for, not a word about those two children she had completely fallen in love with.

She hated herself for being such a liar by omission.

“And your love life?” He winked at her, confidentially, like that good uncle who made grabby hands under the table.

Catherina looked down, kneading her hands nervously, when her fingertips rubbed over something that felt like a scab but wasn’t painful.

Lifting her sleeve discreetly, she saw a bright blue blotch of paint on the inside of her wrist and had to smile.

“I am quite happy.” She replied evasively, trying to gently rub away the stain that wouldn’t come off.

“Oh, did you find someone? I’ve heard Jeff is going to remarry.”

Why didn’t he let it be? Clearly, she had no intention of telling him about her private affairs, so why couldn’t he just drop the subject?

“I have. She’s amazing.” She heard herself say and the room started spinning around her.

Conversations went quiet around her and she took a deep breath that straightened her whole posture.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” The man murmured, giving her a chance to recant herself, but she wouldn’t.

“Elena is quite amazing. She’s a formidable dancer.” Double-down or nothing, Catherina thought and smirked about her brazen words.

“Ah, yes, interesting. Is that the girl you used to hang out with when you were here? Your father once told me about her.”

Of course he did, Catherina thought and simply nodded.

Then she excused herself and went on making her rounds, greeting people and having idle chitchat with them.

The stain didn’t come away and she kept touching it throughout the evening to remind herself of what really mattered in life.

“Oh, I’ve heard you’re friends with the man who wrote Hamilton.” A high dignitary asked her in a confidential tone as she was making her way to the lavatories.

“I…am.” Catherina replied with less aplomb than she would have wished for.

“Tell him that the wife and I have immensely enjoyed it.” He winked and went on his merry way, being a serious man in a room of serious men again.

“Sure will do.” Catherina whispered to herself as she was staring at the woman in the mirror. She looked older, more tired but also much realer than anything she had ever seen in these kinds of mirrors before.

Catherina could clearly see the disconnect between her present appearance and the person she knew herself to be and if she hadn’t been trapped in this borrowed skin, she would have laughed about the absurdity of it all.

“I love you.” Jonathan spoke into the silence, to break the spell that was sinking down like an asphyxiating blanket of pure misery.

“I love you too.” Lin replied, grabbing his hand and pressing it gently.

“You’re a princess too, Jon.” Sebastian murmured in his sleep, turned around and slept on.

“Oh…okay.” Jonathan shrugged, sticking out his tongue to Lin who made a dubious face.

“I think the kids will not get up again, let’s put them to bed.” Lin then said, looking around frantically to find a spot where they could sleep.

“Dolores has put up a cot for the little one in your room.” Elena informed them in a toneless voice.

“Well, we’re not going to bed yet. So, Sebastian can have our bed for the time being?” Jonathan proposed, swooping up Francisco in one fluid motion that made Lin hold his breath.

Together, they went into their room, tucked in both kids and looked at them sleeping for a second.

“Dolores has also changed the sheets.” Lin giggled, putting one arm around Jonathan’s waist.

Of course, she had, Jonathan thought and let his head sink against Lin’s.

The kids slept peacefully, and it was nice to get out of the radiation zone of Elena’s brooding for a second.

Jonathan stepped away and Lin asked him immediately what the matter was, afraid that this might have been too much for him or that the kids were somehow disruptive to their bliss and all of the old fears and insecurities bubbled up.

Cocking one eyebrow, Jonathan turned on the bedside lamp and dimmed it, held the baby monitor dramatically up and plugged it in as well.

“We’ll be just down the hallway, but…”

Lin’s eyes almost popped out of his skull. “Oh my dear Lord, you, Jonathan Drew Groff are a mother hen!” He whispered as loudly as one could whisper to express his shock and delight.

“I am not, but they are in a strange environment and I don’t know how they tick, so better be safe than sorry.”

Lin rushed out of the room to laugh so as not to wake his kids, but he couldn’t fight the hilarity and the relief flooding his veins.

Probably, the kids would have slept as well on the rug or on the couch, they were small kids after all, and they were exhausted after their playtime with Catherina and the rest of the household all afternoon long.

“What is so funny?” Jonathan asked sharply, coming out and pulling to door to without closing it.

“You’ve checked if they are covered up?” Lin said with gentle mockery.

“Yes. Enough to not get cold but not too much so they don’t strangle themselves. What? WHAT?”

Lin was shaking with laughter again.

“Am I wrong here?” Jonathan exclaimed softly, clearly, fighting or even discussing was much harder with two sleeping children on the other side of the door.

Pushing Jonathan against the wall, quietly, Lin showered him with kisses until he felt able to express his love and devotion with words again.

“You’re not. You’re perfect. I thought, I feared that maybe you wouldn’t like the kids or that this kind of life, this kind of burden would…displease you and that…”

“Oh, yes, I’m a kid-hating monster?” Jonathan was still dizzy from the kisses and the sudden change of attitude from Lin.

“That’s not what I said, it’s not what I meant either. I…You’re the best.” Lin began kissing his hands, his neck, his whole face again as the words he needed to explain how he felt about this very situation didn’t seem to come to him.

“I will explain it to you, I promise. As soon as my heart quiets down enough for my brain to hear itself think again.” He sighed and took Jonathan’s hand to go sit in Elena’s pool of misery again.

Solidarity, such a precious and often underrated gift.


	30. 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of love and longing today <3
> 
> Enjoy :)

30

It was just like a show, Catherina told herself, put one foot in front of the other, kick your dress out of your way, smile, wave, say the right words at the right time.

Discussions about Thanksgiving, a celebration that she didn’t know well, so she went on smiling politely, wondering if her American friends were planning something.

Apparently, it was a big deal.

Catherina tried not to scrunch up her face in confusion, holding on to the mask she was constantly wearing and that felt weird all of a sudden.

Slowly, the group she was standing with turned to race issues and her stomach clenched. Listening rather than speaking, she wondered if she had spoken about this too much already. After all, she was almost white-passing and it was not for her to talk about these matters. Being an ally was being silent sometimes, so she listened to what other people had to say.

These people were the ones who influenced politics and it was important to her to know how other countries and leaders perceived the situation.

“You’ve invested some money in goodwill projects.” Someone called her out, despite her silence.

Bristling at the term, Catherina nonetheless kept her smile, although skewed and crooked now, on her face.

“I wouldn’t call it that. I am a smart businesswoman, I put my money where it grows.”

Golly, her voice sounded cold, even to her own ears.

“You built an orphanage.”

This time she couldn’t help the slight head tilt, a gesture observed so many times in the last few months that it had been adopted seamlessly.

“Yes, I believe in the next generation, in building a future for these kids, in having them get a chance to get a decent footing in the world to hold a job and pay taxes. Isn’t that a sound business plan to you?”

The smirk on the man’s face betrayed a feeling of superiority.

“Well, you won’t get any actual direct payback from that.”

“I do. A few of the older kids have said that they’d be willing to work for me later. I see to their training and it makes me and my business more efficient, more competitive, in short : better. I know what I’m doing, don’t you worry about me.”

“A school for the arts, though?”

Collecting her thoughts, Catherina let her face melt into the blasé, almost bored expression she had perfected throughout the years.

“A rich girl can have her hobbies, can’t she? And I am passionate about music.”

He swallowed that.

What sense would it make to try to explain to such a person that music made her feel better, that it brought people together, that it made the world a better place?

To such a diplomat, music was a distraction, not a career and that kind of blindness to everything that didn’t grow in their own garden made their soul starve.

A saying in Europe had warned her from childhood on that you might take a donkey to a stream but that he had to drink on his own. She couldn’t help anyone who didn’t think that they were in need of assistance.

“She should be here.” Elena complained.

“She has work to do. Don’t be so hard on her, or on yourself.” Lin replied gently.

Oh, it was easy for them to talk, sitting here all happy with their kids sleeping down the hallway, holding hands and smiling.

She hated them a little as well, she hated the whole world for being so perfectly content while she was feeling so wretched.

“Don’t look at us like that, we want to help you.”

Jonathan’s warm gaze broke her and she started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Shhh, baby, it’s alright. She’ll be home soon.”

Suddenly they were huddled around her, hugging her, holding her and her hatred melted away as soon as it had come up. Of course, she loved them, of course, she was thankful for them being here with her.

They all said that it was her job, but Elena knew that it was more than that. It had been her life, her identity, it had been all she was for the longest time and Elena was afraid of losing her to this shadow version of herself. Catherina herself had compared it to writing for Lin, to singing for Jon and to dancing for herself and that told Elena a lot.

Those were more than their jobs, those were their passions and they were fortunate enough to make their money doing what they loved most, but did Catherina love this most?

Therein lay the whole problem, what if Catherina loved being that person most?

More than the laid-back woman who had drawn with kids only this afternoon, more than the lazy, sweaty goddess in her bed, more than the motherly friend to two slightly weird adult males?

Catherina was used to being served, of being spoiled and even though she always said that she didn’t need that, what if she lied?

None of them had been actually poor or disadvantaged, they were privileged in their path, but all of that was far from the way Catherina had grown up, far from the place she was in right now.

Catherina floated. Led by the son of a diplomat she had known since her childhood, she seemed to levitate above the polished wooden floor.

The steps to the ballroom dance had been learned and memorized for years, their execution was as effortless as it was flawless, and she smiled benignly at her partner.

He was a handsome man, she had to admit, well-groomed and suave, his hand warm and dry in hers as he led her across the dancefloor with careless ease.

They talked about politics and privilege, they laughed quietly.

“So, you’re hanging with that playwriter, I’ve heard. Are your efforts in his honour?”

Catherina chuckled discreetly: “He’s famous, rich and insanely talented, he doesn’t need a boost, believe me. No, my efforts are for all those who do not have the same chances or privileges. Why? Do you want in?”

Her smile became brighter, inviting, beckoning.

He knew that she was in a relationship with a woman, his wife had told him, his sweet wife who had a faible for those gossip rags, his devoted wife who was at home with their children right now.

She was definitely a siren with her youthful appearance, unmarred by the stress of child-rearing, and her bright mind.

He wouldn’t have minded taking her to some place, well hidden away and discreet, and hold her in his arms until she got up, naked, glistening with sweat and satiated.

The fact that this was highly improbable made it only such much more interesting and desirable.

She went on talking about equality and her voice made his stomach clench a little bit, she was a woman used to talking and used to being listened to and he liked it more than he cared to admit.

The way her face lit up with passion made him long to be the cause and the object of that passion, but her eyes even though trained at his face, didn’t seem to actually see and register him.

“Where do you live?” The question was out before he could stop himself and even though she was visibly taken aback, she didn’t miss a single step in the elaborate dance routine they were performing alongside some other couples.

“In Washington Heights. Why?” She replied after a moment, her gaze now almost defiant.

He shrugged, he didn’t actually really know himself why he had asked, but of course, she would defy all predictions and conventions and live somewhere nobody would go looking for her.

“That’s far away from your people. Isn’t it?” He remarked off-handedly.

“Who are my people?” She retorted sharply, for the first time actually really engaged in this conversation and as her beautiful eyes now focused on his, he had a hard time finding his words.

“Never mind.” He said quickly, afraid to say something wrong.

There was a bit of paint behind her right ear, just a smudge, bright green and he wondered how it had gotten there.

White scars ran along her collarbones and a nasty, gnarly purplish one ran down her arm and once again, he wondered how she had come by them.

God, he had seen prettier woman, had married a prettier woman, and the gorgeous dress and the antique jewellery did nothing for him, no, it was the secrets, the mystery that drew him in against his will and better knowledge.

The way her eyelids fluttered when the music rose in swelling waves as if she wanted to close her eyes and melt into the crescendo or the way she seemed to see ghosts behind him when he knew that there was nothing but a wall and open windows showing flashes of a night sky.

Who did she think of?

The people she thought of were still sitting in the living room, not even watching a movie or actively listening to music.

They were engulfed in those creative silences that artists got into sometimes, thinking about steps and lyrics, about tempo and transitions, projecting themselves onto the screen of their own mind and watching themselves perform in search of elements to alter, to smooth out, to perfect.

Elena thought that they were perfect in a way that she could not put into words. Somehow, these last few months had made all of their flaws vanish somewhat to her and whenever she looked at them, there was a halo around them. Love, she guessed. The good one, the pure one, the one unmarred by jealousy and possessiveness.

The baby monitor crackled and three people jumped up and snuck noiselessly out of the room, creeping down the hallway to poke their heads into the bedroom and find two sleeping kids, still undisturbed in their slumber.

Elena wondered if she wanted kids, an option she had never considered before and that, at first view, did not appeal to her all that much, but seeing Lin and Jonathan, their arms slung around each other and their heads bent over the sleeping kids, she felt another surge of envy.

If only she was Catherina, if only she could have painted this distorted nativity scene, this almost biblical image of two angels watching a child sleep.

Her gaze wandered around the room, picking up on the small things that showed that the space was inhabited, forlorn socks, clothes over the back of a chair, an empty cup forgotten on the mantlepiece.

For the first time since she had left her parents’ house, she could look upon the more definitely masculine elements as well without feeling threatened or displaced.

She would miss them when they left the house, she realised with a jolt.

“I hope that when you find a house, no hurry there, it will be very close.” She whispered to their backs, without even talking to them, without the necessity of them hearing her confession.

“Yeah, sure, why? Will you miss us sloppy men?” Lin turned around; his eyes bright with laughter that subsided as soon as he saw her miserable expression.

“I shall…” She sighed.


	31. 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preludes to catastrophes or...prices one pays for the very best things in life...
> 
> Enjoy <3

31

Vanessa called, apologising for her tardiness and asking if the boys were asleep.

“Yes, we’ll bring them out, don’t sweat it.” Lin replied and nodded to his love to help him.

I am well enough for that, Jonathan thought, amazed, as he held a sleeping Francisco in his arms.

It hurt a tad, but it was a good hurt, a pain that spoke of healing and of muscles stretching for the first time in forever.

The kid mumbled in his sleep and pressed against him as the cool night air hit his face, even though Jonathan had taken the blanket with him, covering the tiny body as much as possible.

Elena walked behind them, holding the canvas Sebastian had painted on and trying hard to keep the tears at bay. There was something so heartbreakingly sweet about Groff, cute, goofy Groff walking as on eggshells, holding Lin’s child as if the boy was made of the most precious and rare material in the world.

They both woke up while Vanessa strapped them in the car, but seeing both their parents and Jonathan around them, they went back to sleep almost immediately.

Elena understood the feeling and, automatically, she thought of Catherina waking up alone, cold and lonely most times. She had not had any of this.

Maybe having a mom, a dad and potentially two stepdads was better than having nothing at all. It definitely was.

“Oh, she gave him a canvas?” Vanessa rolled her eyes, kissed both Lin and Jonathan on the cheek and went off, smiling to herself.

She had also seen Groff come down, holding her child, and the jealousy and outrage that had threatened to rise inside of her were instantly replaced by gratitude and love.

As a woman, as a wife, she hated this but her being a mother to those two babies was more important and overwrote everything else. As a mother, she saw that her children were loved and cared for in that house and that was all she could ask for.

Indeed, she was already looking forward to the excited babbling that would wake her the following morning, to the accounts her two impressionable young sons would have to retell about their day at Catherina’s.

“I’m going to bed.” Elena declared even though it was still early.

She wanted to be alone and she sensed that the two men would want to do what all parents would do as soon as they got rid of their children.

“Now that the kids are gone, daddy and stepdaddy deserve a bit of adult time.” She said with a wink, but her smile was feeble and lacked the general brightness it usually had.

“Oh.” Said Jonathan, too confused to react appropriately.

Elena didn’t give him time to process what she had said, rushing up the stairs with her long, limber legs before he could even get his wits together.

“She didn’t mean it.” Lin mumbled, turning off the lights in the living room.

He’s hiding something, Jonathan thought, Lin was never one to turn off lights, wanting to be seen in all his glory whenever he had something to say.

He knew Lin well enough by now to literally sense, as if he could smell it, that something was seriously awry.

“What is it?” He asked, slowly trudging behind Lin into their shared bedroom where the bedside lamp was still the only source of light. Lin hadn’t turned on the light, another definite indication that something was wrong.

“She…Don’t feel…It’s not your problem. I don’t want to put you under pressure.”

Jonathan’s jaw went slack.

“Is this about Sebastian and Francisco? TELL ME IT ISN’T…” He said in a dangerously low voice, a dreadful feeling of potential loss clamping down on his heart and gut.

“Yes…no…yes.” Lin stuttered. Jon had used their names, God, what was he to say now?

Jonathan pursed his lips, shoving Lin onto the bed with a carelessness that was very uncharacteristic for him.

Climbing on top of him, trapping him between his thighs and staring him down, he whispered in an almost menacing tone: “What about them?”

“Don’t…Don’t feel pressured…I mean…I don’t want you to think that you MUST…”

Lin’s voice faltered under the searing heat of Jonathan’s blazing gaze.

“That I must what? Be kind to FUCKING CHILDREN???? Who do you think I am?”

If it hadn’t been so undignified, Lin would have permitted his lip to quiver in the face of this much unexpected outrage.

“Yes, no, I don’t mean…But, you don’t have to…” He tried again. “You don’t have to feel responsible. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about what Elena said.”

“As far as I can see, you’re the only one being uncomfortable here. I wasn’t until you tried to take this away from me. And even now, I am not uNcOmFoRtAbLe, I am livid.”

This time, Lin flinched without being able to suppress his reaction.

“I am not…” he said in a pleading tone.

“You are mine. They are YOUR children, Vanessa’s children, will you deny them to me?” Jonathan asked with a deceptive calm in his voice.

“NO. No, that was never my intention. I…You were so wonderful to them and…Oh my god, I’m just…” Where were all his brilliant freestyles now?

“You are mine.” Jonathan repeated, slowly lifting Lin’s shirt off of him.

“Say it!” He demanded and Lin stammered: “I am…I am yours, yours, I am.”

“Good.” Jonathan stood up and Lin made a noise betraying the loss he felt at the pressure that had been lifted from him.

“I shall give you everything I am, all of my past, all of my future. And now…Do you think I went too far?”

And there he was again, his Groff, Lin thought, Jonathan so sensitive, so fragile sometimes in his boundless love.

How could he have doubted that?

“I am being an ass. They are good kids, of course, you’d love them. You are the loving kind after all. I am happy that you do, I guess I was just afraid that you wouldn’t.” Lin said, ashamed of his own weakness and his lack of faith in the people he loved most in the world.

“I do. I do love them. And I do love you. Now, undress and sit on the bed.” Jonathan replied and turned around to get rid of his own shirt.

Lin did as he was told and for a moment, for a very long moment, while he sat there waiting, in his underwear like a naughty kid, he really thought that Jonathan would actually spank him.

He would have deserved that.

“You know, that is something that I can never give you.” Jonathan whispered when he finally joined him on the bed, running his hand over the scarred tissue of his torso.

“Kids? Don’t you fret, my love. For once, for the first time in this relationship, this is something I can give you.” Lin answered laying his hand over Jonathan’s.

Catherina walked into a dark house.

Everybody had retreated to their own rooms and she was exhausted.

Unsure if she would be welcome in her own room, in her own house, she sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

She needed to drown out the noise inside of her head, the questions, the doubts, the guilt.

Tomorrow, tomorrow she would speak to Elena, but tonight she was simply too tired to face her anger and her disappointment.

The silence of the house was oppressive, so she turned up the volume on the TV, slipped out of her dress, buried herself under a blanket that smelled like Jonathan and cried.

That was also a part of the version of herself she had revived tonight, sitting in empty rooms and crying like fucking Cinderella after the ball.

There had been no prince either, only a man she had known since a time where both of them were practically still in diapers.

She remembered him of course, a scrawny kid with glasses, friendly and a little shy, he had shown her his books and his telescope and they had talked about all the things their parents had thought useful knowledge for children of their age.

There had been no dinosaur drawings for them, no afternoons in the park and no piggyback rides.

How absurd they must have looked, two grown-ups in the bodies of children, having those awfully serious discussions about the romantic period in German literature or about the historical impacts of the plague.

She had always liked him and in that regard, she had been glad to see him again, but their lives were nothing alike anymore and that feeling of alienation made her feel even more isolated and lonely at this very moment.

He didn’t know who or what she was anymore and right now, she wasn’t even completely sure about herself.

Closed doors and silence all around her.

For the first time in a very long time, Catherina cried herself to sleep like in the good old times.

“That is not all you can give me though, is it?” Jonathan scowled, turning to Lin with something almost dangerous in his eyes.

Say it, say the word and I’ll do whatever you want, Lin begged wordlessly, trying to convey his readiness to fulfil his every wish solely with his own gaze.

Jonathan moved slowly, lazily, like a big cat on the prowl, pinning both Lin’s wrists to either side of his head and looking down at him intensely without uttering a word.

“Anything.” Lin breathed, his dark eyes growing rounder by the minute as the delicious insecurity and the breathless expectation rose.

Bending down, still at a torturously slow pace, Jonathan pressed his mouth, lips just slightly apart, against Lin’s temple.

It wasn’t even a real kiss, it was just the warm, wet touch of Jon’s lips on his skin like the promise of a kiss and yet…

“Anything.” Lin repeated, convinced that Jonathan could feel his pulse racing, hammering under his lips, parted as if to speak words directly into his brain.

He could feel the weight of the other man pressing down on him, could feel the cold metal of Jonathan’s belt against the bare skin of his stomach, he could feel everything but somehow, all he could do was feel and process without moving or really reacting.

Time itself seemed to melt, turn into a syrupy mess that ran down his spine and he was no longer sure if he had been lying here like that for minutes or hours.

Jonathan himself did indeed feel the rhythmic throbbing of Lin’s pulse against his lips as his whole being seemed focused in this tiny patch of skin where he was touching Lin.

As he withdrew, he heard Lin breathe out with a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan. Ever the musician, Jonathan thought, smiling to himself.

Lin himself was the most exquisite of instruments, his body strung like a harp and his breathing the most enchanted of flutes right now.

And when he looked into his eyes, there was something he had never thought he’d ever see in Lin-Manuel Miranda. Surrender.

The dark, helpless, inviting shine in his eyes beckoning him like a siren’s call, Jonathan gritted his teeth so as to not lose control, staring ahead for a few moments to regain his composure before plunging deep into the abyss of this unearthed miracle.


	32. 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter dedicated to my dear reader Grofflove, it has taken some time, but here's another one of my tentatives...
> 
> Writing smut, it comes easily to some and it's so damn hard for me, so please be nice and if you actually dislike that kind of chapter, just skip it, nothing essential is happening...
> 
> Enjoy, lots of love <3

32 

There was something intoxicating about this.

Lin could see the country boy in Jon in this very moment, he could see the American dream and it was awfully inappropriate, but it was also exciting.

The way his hair was tousled and the jeans he was still wearing chafed against his own naked legs put him in an almost meditative state of awe.

Jonathan’s face was slightly flushed and he had that fixed gaze he got when he was very focused on something. On me, Lin thought, his stomach doing somersaults somewhere deep inside of him.

So many words ran like a cascade in his mind, running down past his inner eye to crash into a pool of feelings that were too deep and turbulent to be described.

He was hyperaware, aware of Jonathan’s fingers clutching his wrists, clenching and unclenching slightly in cycles in step with his heartbeat no doubt, aware of the frustrating barrier between his skin and Jon’s, aware of his breath on his own face, aware of the way Jon’s eyes seemed to change colour in the dim light, growing ever darker.

They looked at each other like that for half an eternity.

Jonathan thought of Maria Reynolds, he thought of the sheer insanity of that song, but now, in this very moment, he understood.

How could he have said no to this?

To the pools of ink that were Lin’s eyes, to the piercing quality of his gaze that seemed to tattoo words onto his own skin that only Lin could see.

He started to kiss Lin’s neck, one kiss at the time, always looking up again to see those beautiful eyes cloud over, to see those lips that spit rhyme and verse like no-one else part in speechless shock or enjoyment, to drink Lin’s silence as he usually drank his words.

Anything, he had said, anything.

When he got up to get rid of his pants that had grown way too tight all of a sudden, Lin uttered a little cry that reminded him of a kitten.

It was an inarticulate expression of disappointment and loss, of longing, of calling him back and so he went back, laying down again on top of Lin, gripping his wrists to steady himself just as much as to keep him from disrupting this slow dance without music.

“Hmmmm.” Jonathan hummed against the skin just below Lin’s ear and was amazed to feel the other man shiver violently.

Extending Lin’s arms above his head, Jonathan wrapped one hand around both his wrists and started trailing his other hand along his ribcage.

The shivering didn’t stop.

It was slightly awkward to be stretched out like that, but Jonathan loved every second of it, drinking in the sun-kissed skin and the pleading looks Lin offered up so willingly.

In their pursuit of the one hurdle yet to overcome, in their introduction of new toys and experiences, they had neglected this.

When Lin’s lids fluttered, Jonathan whispered: “Stay with me.”

And God knew, there were no eyes as miraculous as Lin’s, pitch-black and yet shining like a midnight sun, so glossy they might have been black diamonds.

Speechless, only Jonathan could do that to him with such ease, to make him speechless, to suck him dry of all of his words with as little as three words of his own.

I love you. Stay with me. Look at me.

And so, he did, he looked at Jonathan unblinkingly. He could have looked at him forever.

Suddenly, that hand that no longer held his wrists was gone, but before he could protest or reclaim the tender caresses he had so enjoyed, it was back, running up his thigh.

Unconsciously, Lin started rolling his hips, trying desperately to get this hand to move faster, but all Jonathan did was drop his weight even harder on his body, pushing him into the mattress.

The way his skin seemed to fuse to any and every single one of the delicious curves of Jonathan’s body drove him half insane, he could feel Jon’s penis poking into his belly, but was unable to arch up against it.

And still, that hand made its way up his leg, pausing at regular intervals to doodle on his skin, leaving traces of fire wherever Jon’s fingers had lingered.

This was not the moment for pride, Lin decided and started panting pleas and prayers, begging Jonathan to hurry up.

The smile he got in return was dazzling and tantalizing.

Finally, that ghostly hand arrived at its destination and Lin was not sure if his underwear had not disintegrated from the heat of tiny movements creating friction in the meantime.

While Jon’s hand slipped between them, that Jezebel started grinding and it was so good and yet so far from enough that Lin felt like he might cry out in despair.

Letting go of Lin’s wrists, Jonathan slipped down, taking the underwear with him.

He was slick with sweat already and Lin’s body seemed fluid in its surrender, so it felt like drifting on a tender current downwards, until he knelt on the floor, holding the damp piece of cloth and wondering what was to come now.

Lin hadn’t moved, hadn’t even lowered his arms to stretch them.

He still lay there, prostrate, waiting, exposed.

“My beautiful love.” Jonathan sighed as he climbed back onto the bed, running his fingers from under Lin’s chin to his knees and back.

He knelt down beside Lin, kissing his hip, stroking the inside of his thighs.

Tiny, moaning sounds escaped Lin’s throat now and Jonathan smiled to himself, a wild, primitive smile before closing his mouth around Lin’s cock and breathing in hard before beginning to move.

He was so engulfed in what he was doing, so hypnotised by the taste and the feeling he had so missed that he had not paid attention to the rest of Lin’s body.

So it took all the control and presence of mind not to clench his jaw when the surprise of Lin’s warm, wet finger between his ass cheeks hit him.

“What?” He exclaimed, letting go of his penis that now frantically bobbed up and down before his face.

Lin gave him a boyish smirk, but did not retract his hand.

Jonathan had not thought about the proximity, he had not expected Lin to be that bold and to be honest, he had almost forgotten that Lin actually had arms.

“Please don’t stop.” Lin begged, his breath coming in short, pained huffs.

And so, Jonathan went on while Lin trailed his finger from his own asshole to his balls and back, just the way he had done to him before.

It had been too long, Jonathan had known it, but he had not expected that it would hit him that hard or that his whole mind would start to swim as soon as he felt that unexpected yet familiar caress.

He was toeing the line of control here and as Lin climaxed with a half-cry, arching up against him, his hand squeezing Jon’s ass so hard it might leave a mark, Jonathan knew that he was most probably beyond the point of no return, had been for minutes or hours or more.

And finally, Lin found his own body again and regained control over it, waking up from a trance and shifting around, until Jonathan was under him.

“Anything, really, anything.” He sighed, kneeling on Jonathan’s thighs.

“How about you lie down on that magical chair for me, huh?” He then smiled beguilingly and Jonathan let himself be led to it and pushed down.

“Lin…” he said warningly, but he didn’t know what exactly he wanted to warn him against.

“I won’t hurt you.” Lin smiled, repeating Jonathan’s own words back to him.

Then he knelt on the floor, covering both his hands with lube, slathering them with it really and started dragging one hand between Jonathan’s legs.

Maybe, his experience with women would come in handy, just as his mastery of a piano.

He would play Jonathan like a grand piano for sure.

He might not have been an extraordinary pianist or an extraordinary singer, but he was a creative person for sure and he had some dexterity that no-one could deny.

So, he closed his one fist around Jonathan’s cocks, gliding up and down slowly, ever so slowly, while the other one was still buried between Jonathan’s legs, dragging single digits over his asshole to his balls and back.

He could have done this for hours, shifting and changing the exact route and the pressure of his caresses with every motion accomplished, but he felt Jonathan getting restless beneath this constant onslaught of stimulation.

His face was beet-red and he was sweating profusely, whimpering in a mix of apprehension and lust.

“Cum for me, pretty one.” Lin pleaded, increasing the speed of one hand and the pressure of the other.

Jonathan resisted, something inside of him couldn’t let go.

“You’ll be okay, I’ll be okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Cum for me.” Lin reassured him in a singsong voice, the melody of the ocean and the open skies in his voice.

It was too much, Jonathan thought, this was too much.

He had lost control, he had so wanted to be in control tonight and yet, Lin’s hands…

Those terrible, fatal hands that played him like a symphony.

And now he asked him to let go, and he understood, Lin wanted him to let go of the last vestiges of shame and of those secret chambers he kept in his heart.

The pressure, the heat, the infernal building inside his guts that would end up tearing him apart.

Lin bent down and kissed his thigh, an innocent, loving kiss, the kind of kiss one bestowed in passing upon the person most dearly loved, and it was this casual expression of love that sealed the deal.

Groaning, something more than a simple orgasm was released inside of Jonathan and he shivered and spasmed for what felt like an eternity before his mind slipped back into his broken body.

It took a second, or maybe minutes, time had become meaningless, before Jonathan could get his eyes to focus again and the first thing that manifested from the blur was Lin’s face.

The wide, generous smile and the flushed cheeks; he looked pleased with himself, dripping lube and other fluids all over the floor.

“Jesus.” Jonathan groaned, looking at the mess, at Lin’s face, at the mess again.

“When did you learn all that?” He tried to sound nonchalant as he wiped up the pool of dubious liquids with handkerchiefs that he then held in his hands, unsure where to dispose of them without making anybody suspicious.

“I am not a virgin. It is…not that different than…” Lin smiled, not knowing if it would offend Jonathan if he compared it to being with a woman.

In the end, it was all sex, it was the desperate need to touch your partner in places nobody else was allowed to touch them, it was instinctive rubbing and massaging, it was a knowledge that was ingrained in his flesh.

“I guess it is like…language. You translate, you adapt to the flow of the language, but really, it’s always the same words, the same images.” He added.

Jonathan crumpled up the paper towels and put them in a plastic bag, shoving the bag itself under a heap of other garbage in the small bin, hoping no-one would snoop.

Of course, Lin was perfectly bi-lingual, it made sense that he would see it like that.

Nodding, Jonathan made a beckoning gesture with his hand and was soon joined by Lin in the bed where they fell asleep within seconds.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more info on Rita, our newest character...  
> and some Oak, because everybody loves Oak, right?

33

Don’t be a coward, Rita told herself as she walked up to the house and stood before the closed door for a second.

“Is the bell broken?” A voice sounded behind her and she yelped in surprise and shock.

“Oh wow, sorry…”

The hands that were lifted in her face were huge, at least to her, they were.

She had never been a tall woman, and this was indeed a tall man, but God, didn’t he have the most beautiful, soulful eyes she had ever beheld.

“I’m Oak.” He introduced himself, stretching out that hand in which her own seemed to vanish completely as soon as she put it inside of his.

“Rita, I am to be Miss Catherina’s secretary.” She mumbled, hating herself for not being able to find her calm, professional voice in this moment.

Reaching beyond her, the man called Oak rang the doorbell and flashed her a generous smile that made her insides quiver.

“Oh, so you’ve come to meet the secretary you should have helped choose after all?” Elena cocked one eyebrow and then her severe face broke apart and she started laughing.

“Hey, I’d say you had no trouble finding this pearl without me.” He replied, nudging Elena in the ribs in a familiar way that made her laugh even more.

She felt miserable, Catherina had evidently slept on the couch and had gone up to shower and to change as soon as she had heard Elena come down.

Seeing Oak made her feel a little better, everything was better when he was there.

The secretary looked prim enough, but her eyes were wide as if she had just had a rather serious shock, which was absolutely possible as apparently a huge Nigerian-American had appeared behind her and taken the lead.

“Didn’t your parents teach you to close doors?” Dolores came out into the hall, looking sternly at all the people standing on either side of the open front door.

“Sorry Ma’am.” Oak laughed, putting his hand on Rita’s back to gently nudge her inside.

With those arms, he could have just catapulted her into the house and smashed her into the piano in the corner, Rita thought, biting her lip punitively as soon as the thought arose.

What a thing to think about and at work at that, sometimes she really had to shake her head about her own silliness.

“Catherina will be down in a minute, no doubt.” Elena said but her voice sounded strangely hollow and pressed which made both Oak and Rita look at her with curiosity and prudence. Something was wrong.

A door opened and Jonathan came out, stopping dead in his tracks upon seeing Rita.

“Good morning.” He tried to smile in a reassuring, cautious way, his efforts unfortunately interrupted by Lin bumping into him from behind which made him almost lose his balance.

“Sorry love.” Lin gave him a quick kiss on the edge of his jaw before striding forward to greet Oak like a long-lost brother. 

Rita blinked rapidly, she had not known, she had had no idea, but the interaction she had just witnessed was the kiss one would give to a spouse, not to a friend.

There had been no giggling or winking indicating that it was merely a joke amongst friends and the reaction of Elena and Oak, a person she looked at much more than was usual or defendable especially as she had met him only a few minutes prior, had in no way been akin to hilarity or mockery.

It was normal to them to see this.

Moreover, there had been a tender earnestness in this offhanded kiss, she could see the unveiled love in Lin’s eyes and the softening of the shock in Jonathan’s.

“Oh.” Her rosy mouth formed a perfect circle.

“That’s also a way to come out to your friend’s new secretary.” Oak laughed, apparently not unduly fazed by the incident and already barrelling towards the kitchen.

“Of course, you didn’t know…Sorry.” Jonathan stood very still, remembering the disagreeable clash he had had the previous day with Rita and trying hard not to make any more mistakes in conduct.

Rita’s mind swam. Discretion, she admonished herself, this was none of her business.

“Never mind, I don’t have to know what you do in your private life, it’s none of my concern. I am here to work.” She spoke in a harsh, hasty voice, as if her words were on the run from the storm inside of her head.

She felt terrible as soon as she was done speaking and of course, Jonathan looked at her with a wounded expression in his eyes.

Everybody else looked at her as if she had just kicked a puppy.

“Come have breakfast.” Elena invited them in a clipped voice and turned away.

“You’re really not into making new friends, huh?” Oak asked her as she reluctantly made her way towards the kitchen.

“I am not here to make friends.” She replied in a matter-of-fact tone that almost entirely dissimulated the shame and the hurt she felt inside.

“Okay then.” Oak gave up, there was something vulnerable about this woman with her childish face and her bitter mouth, but mostly she seemed really hostile, going as far as rebuffing Jonathan’s best efforts to establish some kind of connection.

It hurt her even more to see him turn away, once again, she had turned people against her within the first few minutes of their acquaintance.

Jesus, it was a vicious circle, she was not agreeable and did not have many friends which made her even more disagreeable, suspicious and unable to make friends.

Kneading her hands frantically, she wished there was something for her to do other than to stand here as the odd-one-out, staring helplessly at people who obviously thought she was some kind of monster.

“You may get the post, if you like?” Dolores took pity on her wide-eyed panic and as soon as her fingers closed around the small key, Rita wheeled around and fled the room, her legs flying in a fast staccato down the hall.

Taking a few deep breaths, Rita steadied her hands and her heart before retrieving a bunch of envelopes from the letterbox.

It wasn’t until she turned around that she realised that she had let the door close behind her and that she would have to ring the doorbell again to regain entry into the house.

“Oh Lord have mercy.” She whimpered, hesitating to press that loathsome button.

Oak opened the door and turned around immediately, yelling into the house: “Woah, did no-one give the girl a key?”

“I shall.” Catherina came down the stairs, looking tired as hell and pale as a sheet.

“Miss, I am sorry, I got the post. I shall continue cataloguing.” Rita expostulated, mortified to be caught in this not very advantageous position by her employer.

“Have a cup of coffee, Rita. Relax. Caleb has muddled these papers for months, a few more hours won’t do any harm.” The warm smile Catherina gave her seemed tired as well, but Rita did her best to return it, shakily but nonetheless.

“So, how was your evening?” Jonathan enquired as soon as Catherina entered to pour herself and Rita a cup of coffee.

“It was nice enough. I met an old acquaintance; I was accosted by some random dude about Hamilton as well. I start to feel like I know the cast of Twilight or Harry Potter.” Catherina sighed, avoiding Elena’s eyes for fear of what she might see there.

Guffawing, Oak wrapped his arms around her and gave her a tight hug.

“Oh, it’s good to see you.” She sighed and let her head fall against his broad chest.

“I am so sorry about that Spanish dude. Did he make a fuss?”

Rita’s mind was spinning again and she knew that she had to catch up with everything that was going on in this household if she wanted to do her job even remotely well.

“He certainly did.” Catherina mumbled and yawned.

Discreetly, Rita shuffled the envelopes into an order that would make it easier to go through the mail later already.

Her eyes fell on a missive that bore no stamp.

The address was handwritten as well and the seal of an embassy was printed on the envelope.

“What is it?” Oak asked, seeing her confused and disconcerted face.

Wordlessly, she handed the letter to Catherina who ripped it open unceremoniously.

“Oh for crying out loud.” She cursed under her breath and threw the letter into the sink, pouring half of her coffee onto it and turning on the garbage disposal.

Huffing, she poured herself more coffee and shook her head.

“Another suitor?” Elena’s voice sounded deadly calm.

“Yes, another suitor.” Catherina replied sharply.

“Come.” Oak pulled her out of the kitchen and into the hallway, waiting for her to take the lead and as she didn’t know any better, she led him to the small office space upstairs that was to be her realm from now on.

“What the fuck is going on here?” She wondered aloud, more to herself than to him, but he answered nonetheless:

“Catherina, heiress, filthy rich, very insecure. She’s dating Elena, hot-blooded dancer, crazy jealous and very much in love with Cat. Lin, gifted musician, has left his wife and two kids to be with Groff. Groff, cutest dude you’ll ever meet, has been jumped at the airport some time ago and is still on the mend. Me, friend of the family. Dolores, housekeeper and mother figure to Catherina. Caleb, Catherina’s brother and protector, messy with papers, would kill a man for his sister. That’s mainly the cast.

Oh, there’s Ant and his fiancée as well, friends obsessed with antique vases. Jeff, Catherina’s ex-husband. Respective parents. Vanessa, Lin’s ex-wife and their two sons Sebastian and Francisco.”

He smiled.

“Who’s the Spanish dude and who sent that letter she just washed down the drain?” Rita said in a low, conspiratorial tone.

“Oh, some time ago a distant relative and Spanish aristocrat wanted to marry Catherina. And I guess some dude she met yesterday has decided to woo her today. It happens a lot to Catherina.”

Rita felt a tad of jealousy, irrational, instinctive, feminine jealousy rise in her.

“She’s VERY rich and she’s pleasant. She seems easy enough to control,” he laughed, “little do they know.”

The way he leant, relaxed, gossiping, against the doorframe calmed Rita immensely.

He was at ease here, he felt safe and secure, loved and esteemed, so he moved freely as if he owned the place. No false sense of shame or of holding back.

“I didn’t know they were all dating.” Rita murmured.

“Hedonism.” He said with a wink and laughed when she blushed furiously.

“It’s a very long story, but believe me, it’s all good. Except right now, Elena will rip Catherina a new one, so if I were you, I’d stay here for a while longer.”

That was what she had intended, that was her job, so she just cocked one eyebrow and waved at the stack of unopened envelopes.

“Erm…I am dead serious…Can I stay here too? Please? I mean, I can help you carry stuff around?” He then said hopefully after she had turned to said letters, expecting him to return to the kitchen.

And just because she thought it would be funny, she made him transport tiny stacks of papers from the desk to a filing cabinet and he obliged by grunting and pretending to do some heavy lifting.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A screaming match today...
> 
> Enjoy <3

34

Jonathan felt like hiding behind his toast, but the toast was becoming soppier by the minute on account of the butter, so he chose Lin.

Half cowering behind a man much shorter than himself, Jonathan observed the scene.

Flashing eyes and hair flying, Elena sprang up from her chair, almost sweeping the breadbasket off the table in order to face Catherina.

“So, you’ve had such a nice night with that dude that he writes you ardent love letters not 24 hours later?”

“It was one letter, it was not a love letter and we had a pleasant evening, I spent the night on the couch. OUR COUCH.” Catherina replied, her voice chillingly cold.

“Oh, is that so? Well, you’ve conveniently destroyed said letter before any of us could see it, didn’t you?”

Jonathan started kneading and massaging Lin’s shoulders in soundless expression of the tension building in the room.

“Did you want to read it? Would that make you less insane? I do not think so!” Catherina shot back, colour rising into her cheeks as well with increasing speed.

“I AM INSANE??? Who spent the night out of doors, dancing with some…buffoons?” Elena raised her voice and it swelled up like a winter storm on the plain.

“Lord, it was canapés and a waltz. Next time, I shall definitely take you and if you drop dead of sheer boredom, I shall drag your cadaver all over the dancefloor. You’ll see.” Catherina screeched back.

“Oh, would you? You never want to take me there. Are you ashamed of me? Of us? Huh?” Elena now straight-out shouted at her.

“NO! IT IS NOT FUN!!! I didn’t even know if you’d want to come. Do you? Do you really? Be my guest for fuck’s sake!” Catherina bellowed in return and Jonathan would not have been surprised if glasses and crockery had burst into shards from the sheer intensity and volume of this exchange.

“I will. And then I’ll fucking shoot anyone who so much as looks at you too long.”

“Well, I hope you have a lot of bullets, Jon Wick. Jesus, these men do nothing BUT look like sheep on a meadow, they are not capable of anything else.”

“If I am insane, it is because you fucking drive me up the walls!” Elena said in an exasperated tone, throwing both her hands up to underline her despair.

“IT IS MY FUCKING JOB, LENA!!! Stop acting like I’m prancing around just for fun or to cheat on you or whatnot. I don’t. I go there because I have to, and I am not responsible for all those shitty ideas some random idiots get into their heads only because I have breasts and a bank account.”

“You seem pretty eager to go!” Elena fired back immediately.

“THOSE ARE NOT MY SECRETS TO KEEP!” Catherina yelled, increasingly annoyed.

“Do you want me to do an MTV cribs? Hey, hello, here’s my insane girlfriend who will fucking stab you if you look at me longer than 5 seconds. Oh, and these are my world-famous housemates who live like fucking octogenarians right now on account of injury and cowardice. As we’re at it, why don’t you meet my super hostile secretary and my seriously constipated brother? How about that? What good would that do?”

“We’re not octogenarians.” Lin tried to intercede but was shot down with glances.

“Shut it, Miranda, or that butt plug will end up on the wrong side of your body!” Elena hissed and Lin lifted both his hands and sunk back against Jonathan.

“What butt plug? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE?” Catherina screamed.

“Sex, or the absence of sex.” Elena replied smugly.

“Well, in that case this house is a lot better than the events I go to, because no sex is happening there. Like ever. If that’s what you’re worried about. There is exactly zero sex.” Catherina sighed, rubbing her eyes in a gesture of fatigue.

“Did she just scream about sex?” Rita was being seduced by Oak to do things she would normally frown upon.

She was a grown woman, cowering at the top of the stairs, her knees touching the big man’s as they listened to the desperate and passionate screaming.

“And then they say the black man is a savage.” Oak mocked in his best approximation of a stereotypical African accent, which made Rita frown for real this time.

“Oh jeez, you’ll get along superbly with Catherina if the slightest hint of racism gives you that face.” Oak smiled and boxed her ever so slightly on the upper arm.

“Ouch, now be quiet, I can’t wait to hear how this plays out.” Rita whispered, engrossed in the spectacle.

She was a cute one, Oak decided, her long curly hair combed out of her face and braided tightly against her small round head. She reminded him of the sun and the desert with her dark eyes. And of school…come to think of it, because she had a way of pursing her lips in disapproval that made him feel quite like a schoolboy again.

So, there was humanity in her after all, he could see it in the way her eyes shone in amusement whenever something especially absurd was screamed downstairs.

“Usually, Lin and Elena are the passionate ones.” He resumed his role as omniscient narrator of the house and of its inhabitants.

“Have you ever seen Hamilton by the way?” He didn’t even know why he had asked, but he waited for her answer with something like trepidation.

“Ha.” She scoffed, “I am poor. Of course, I haven’t seen Hamilton. Like all the other poor people, I had to rely on Youtube and Spotify for that.”

She didn’t even mean to reveal this much of herself, but it wasn’t until the silence stretched ever longer that she looked up and saw something like shame and guilt in Oak’s face.

“Never mind, I’ve pieced together most of it and like everybody else, I am patiently waiting for the recording to come out. Of the show. You know. Why do you ask?” She cocked one eyebrow, calling out his self-glorious intentions no matter how small they might have been.

“Just … I don’t know.” He said feebly.

“I am not that poor. I have a phone, I have access to the internet and I DO watch TV.”

She had to admit that it had taken her a second or two to place his face, to get over the first second of being blinded by his smile and the warm humour radiating from him, but yes, she knew now who he was. And she admitted to herself in her heart of hearts that she had always quite enjoyed the way he looked. Not half as much as she now enjoyed the complicity and camaraderie they shared, but he was a handsome man.

“There’s talk about an actual movie.” He commented offhandedly and yelped in surprise when her fingers dug into his upper arm.

“Is there?” Her eyes shone bright, feverish; all pretence of indifference burned away.

Here goes another passionate one, he thought with a chuckle.

“So, you would like to see it?” He asked, cautious, trying hard not to give in to her fire lest he be consumed entirely within seconds.

“I would. God, it is said to be marvellous. It’s described as an almost religious experience.” She replied in a low, vibrating voice and Oak could see her in his mind, she was definitely the kind of girl that took these revelations seriously, he could imagine her standing on the open plain, barefoot, her long hair blowing in the wind in expectation of the word of God.

“I’m not sure that I’d go to that point, but yes, Lin is a genius.” Oak chuckled awkwardly.

He knew that she could be happy here if she managed to overcome her fear of people.

“They are good people.” He said in a mellow voice, just as the shouting started up again, Catherina and Elena screaming the most absurd of insults at each other.

“They love each other.” Oak tried again, but apparently the women had now turned on the men and bombarded them with insane inanities.

“I see that.” Rita commented dryly, but if she was to be honest, her sarcasm was fake, because indeed, she could hear the love within the anger.

Catherina called Elena insane, but never once did she go into the realms of racism or degradation, she called Elena out for her taste in cakes but not for her homosexuality, she mocked Elena’s preferences but never her possibilities.

She also had quite an important letter in her hand that she wanted to show Catherina as soon as possible, but she was just a tad frightened.

“I’ll have your back. I’ll be right behind you.” Oak grinned.

“What a hero you are.” She mocked, pointing at the girth of his arms, “Really? You wouldn’t even go in first?”

He pondered for a second and then said: “Ok, because you’re really cute, stay behind me.”

“If you fall, I’ll write a tastefully worded letter to your parents.” She giggled.

“Do that.” He laughed and gave her his full name that she committed to memory, like saving a voice clip within her brain.

He had called her really cute.

Good Lord, get a grip girl, she told herself, but stayed behind Oak as they made their way down the stairs again.

“Sorry, ladies?” Oak waved his hand into the room, pulling it back after a few seconds when nothing hit it and stepped entirely in.

“Oak, my darling boy, what is it?” Catherina turned to him, her eyes wild and her hair even wilder from running her fingers through it, but a warm smile on her lips.

“I am the escort for your poor secretary into treacherous territory and maybe, I would also like to bail out Lin and Jonathan?” He informed her, standing as tall as he could under her unwavering gaze.

“You got a letter pertaining to some business down South?” Rita handed her the letter, still not stepping out from Oak’s shadow.

“Thank you very much, I am so sorry, we really have behaved awfully.” Catherina mumbled apologetically. 

“Yes, sorry, we are usually less…insane.” Elena agreed, putting a sharp emphasis on the last word that made Rita roll her eyes before she could stop herself.

“I’ve seen it all before.” Rita smiled, thinking about the bodies of people she had grown up with being carried away by the police, she had seen it all before, yes, this and worse, much worse than this.

“Rita will be the biggest Hamilfan ever.” Oak suddenly said and all eyes turned to Rita.

Oh no, she thought, why would he say that to the man who had written the whole thing?

“No shame in that.” Elena shrugged when she saw Rita’s mortified face.

There was an awful lot that girl still had to learn about the reality she found herself in.

“What is it?” She walked over to Catherina, reading over her shoulder and slinging her arms around her waist.

“Oh business. I wanted to sell some land and apparently my dear associates have carrots in their ears because the offers they forwarded me are in no way the kind of offers I’d consider.” Catherina replied, not batting an eye at Elena’s tenderness.

They all knew that frustration amongst other emotions had been running high these past few days and so a cleansing scream-match had to take place, but they were also very aware of the fact that Catherina and Elena loved each other and would never risk losing one another.

Stretching out his hand, Lin took hold of the letter so he and Jonathan could look over it as well, whistling through their teeth at the sums mentioned.

“Is it always like that?” Rita asked Oak and it took a second for him to understand, because, indeed, it was always like that.

These people were Catherina’s closest friends, her counsellors and her comfort, so as her new secretary, Rita would have to learn that secrecy was a wall that stood between this household and the rest of the world and that had no place inside of the house.

“They’re terrible at keeping secrets, Elena gets jealous, Lin gets nosey, Cat gets stuffy and Jonathan just smiles that indulgent but annoying smile. It’s no use.” Oak nodded.

“A whole new world.” Rita mused, waiting for Catherina to give her any kind of feed-back on the letter.


	35. 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dash of humour...or...Lin in a dress...
> 
> Enjoy <3

35

Jonathan scoffed. Lin chuckled darkly. Elena refused to even take the letter back.

“No, just tell them no.” Catherina instructed Rita calmly.

“Just…no? I am to send an e-mail, saying “No”?” Rita looked at her like she had just grown a second head.

Turning the sheet over, Catherina wrote “No” with a flourish, signed the paper and handed it back.

“You may scan this, if it makes you feel better.” She offered.

Rita stared at her for a few more seconds, then turned sharply on her heels and went to follow the commands given to her.

“She’s a good one.” Oak sighed, sitting down next to Elena and rubbing his hand over her still tense back.

“Oh what she must think of us now.” Catherina moaned, shooting arrows at Elena who just stuck out her tongue and shrugged.

“She better get used to it.” Elena sighed, but she looked at Oak to see what wisdom and insights he might have to share upon that matter.

Oak bit his lip, he didn’t want to tell them that Rita had opened up about being poor, so he just shook his head and told them that she had not looked overly shocked by the scene.

“Are you done though? Do you love us again?” Lin asked in a mock-childish voice.

Catherina puffed up her cheeks and let the air escape again in a long sigh.

“I’ve never stopped loving you, you stupid idiot. That’s what you don’t get. For the longest time, these stupid soirées were my whole life and now, they’re not. They’re a chore that I perform gracefully, but it’s just my job. It’s no longer my life.

My life consists of unexpected guests and drawing with the kids and having passionate sex with Elena. I am no different than you except that I lack your talent.”

“I know for a fact that I have never looked nearly as beautiful as you did yesterday.” Lin contradicted her and when Catherina said that it was only the dress, Lin dared to disagree.

“Oak, grab him.” Catherina ordered and so, Oak did.

“I am pretty!!!!” Lin sang, dancing like freaking Maria from the Westside Story in front of Catherina’s mirror.

The corset was slightly uncomfortable, but the long, flowing grey dress was still gorgeous.

Giggling all through the transformation, they had put Catherina’s dress and jewels, her headdress, her perfume and some of her makeup on Lin and he felt his fantasy.

“Miss…Catherina…What?” Rita stood in the door, her eyes ready to pop out of her skull.

“AM I NOT PRETTY?” Lin crooned.

There was a middle-aged man, a smallish man in a corset, wearing a ridiculously expensive dress made of wild silk, prancing around like he was the fucking queen of the world while crystals sparkled in his hair and heavy jewels hung from his neck. Rita had never seen remotely similar and her mouth opened and closed a few times in utter confusion.

Looking at Oak, she was frantically searching for words.

A bearded, shaggy MAN was wearing her employer’s wonderful dress and seemed to be waltzing through the hallway now, led by Jonathan Groff.

“I sent the e-mail.” Rita announced in a toneless voice, still mesmerised by the dancing along the hallway that was at the same time elegant and absurd.

“You wore it better.” Elena whispered in Catherina’s direction whose eyes were also riveted on the spectacle.

“It’s decided. Next time I have a thing like that, you all come with me and as Lin apparently has no problems with a dash of drag, Elena can go in a tux if she wants to.” Catherina decided, nodding as if she had indeed taken a momentous decision just now.

“Welcome to the funhouse.” Oak laughed in Rita’s direction who was still holding the paper Catherina had given her.

“You are very pretty my love.” Jonathan giggled, intonating “Say no to this” under his breath.

When Lin made a face though, he shifted seamlessly into “Suddenly Seymour” which made Lin giggle heartily.

Oak saw that Rita mouthed the words along, her eyes darkening as Catherina joined in for the female part. Oh, there were secrets there and something within him wanted to explore them.

He hoped that the healing that had surrounded Catherina ever since he had known her would extend to Rita and that she might find peace in this house.

Rita was still dizzy with confusion. Something important was happening here, but she couldn’t quite grasp the meaning.

“It’s only clothes. It’s only perfume and pearls. It’s an armour, it’s a disguise.” Catherina smiled and ruffled the long train of the dress which made Lin huff indignantly.

“He’ll never return your dress, you know?” Jonathan mocked.

“He’s welcome to it.” Catherina replied with a wink, as she had seen the flush of surprise and amusement in Jonathan’s eyes.

“It is all pretence. If you go down and do what you’d never do, strip a silk dress of a body, my dear boy, you’ll still find the same soul you so adore. When the clock strikes midnight, it all vanishes.” Catherina’s eyes were warm now, indulgent, as she stroked Jonathan’s cheek lovingly.

Rita was reminded of the fact that both Catherina and Lin had been married previously, that they had lived the good heteronormative lifestyle, that they had conformed and that their new respective partners might indeed be afraid that they’d return to what they best knew.

What Catherina was actually saying, Rita understood, was that a dress would not change neither her nor Lin, that everything about it was a construct, a façade.

Whether it was her or Lin in that dress, it would not change who they were or who they loved and either of them wearing that dress didn’t make their love more or less acceptable, more or less valid, more or less real.

“I’ve never been one to chase skirts, but I might change my mind.” Jonathan laughed, but as he gave Lin a twirl, he enjoyed it immensely. As an actor, as someone who stood on stages and did this for a living, it was immensely enjoyable to be able to feel the fabric brush against his shins and actually feel excited and seduced by it.

This stupid little joke gave him the opportunity to turn a professional lie into a personal truth.

It was Lin, Lin and his sparkling eyes, Lin and his mellow voice, Lin and his untameable hair, it was him in this dress and thousands of make-believe actions flooded Jonathan’s mind.

For the first time ever, he could see himself being a leading man, being a Disney prince, bowing and kissing the hand of a fair maiden without lying, without withholding or covering up the truest fibre of his soul.

“I can feel the power though. I feel positively pretty.” Lin babbled, confused and amazed by the way the fabric flowed around him, by how small and dainty he felt in this sea of wild silk and by the weight of the gems adorning him.

“Ridiculous weapons and shields of women.” Catherina challenged his words, nodding to Jonathan.

“The power comes from the love with which you are looked upon, not from a few yards of fabric. It’s not the stones, it’s your heart.”

Rita watched all this, awestruck, she had never imagined, never dreamed that she’d ever witness something as real and pure as this exchange between people who lived in another world than her.

“I should really take you all out for dinner, somewhere nice, huh?” Catherina proposed all of a sudden and before Rita could slink back into the shadows, Oak had gripped her arm while exclaiming joyfully that this was indeed a marvellous idea.

“Lin, you’ll have to get out of the dress though. Let’s not provoke the media.” Elena commented, earning a sad face from Lin.

“I can’t. I have nothing to wear…I…” Rita stammered, looking at her worn jeans and then at Lin-Manuel Miranda, genius, hero, writer and actor in his dress.

“We will find something for you. YOU are allowed to borrow from my closet,” Catherina smiled at her, “YOU are not.” She then said, turning to the men.

“Okay, I’ll have to change too though. Want to come with me and shower at my place? Both bathrooms here will be occupied with steamy homoerotic sex.” He offered Rita, who still stood, rooted in place, her mouth gaping slightly.

“I don’t mind the homoerotic sex, but yeah, a shower would be nice.” She then said after a few seconds of pondering.

“One second.” Catherina exclaimed, throwing the men out of her room and opening the door to a small walk-in closet.

“Choose whatever you like, no really, go ahead.” She said to Rita who had more or less her height anyhow.

“I couldn’t…” Rita tried to protest, but Elena was already showing her a basket full of hotel soaps, many of them bearing the names of famous brands.

Under the expectant eyes of her employer and her girlfriend, Rita chose a soap and a shampoo and settled on a shimmering blue cocktail dress.

“Oh man, poor Oak.” Elena grinned as she put a protective cover over the dress, less for protection and more for the surprise.

Rita was still not sure that this was proper and right, but they both seemed so excited about taking her with them that she didn’t dare refuse.

“I’ll send a car ‘round to pick you both up.” Catherina assured her.

“I am ever so thankful, but really, I don’t fit in.” Rita tried miserably for the last time to get her employer to see that she had no business going to dinner with the rich and famous.

“Neither of us does, that’s the beauty of it. Do me that favour, Oak seemed delighted to not be the third wheel tonight.”

Okay, I see, Rita thought, that’s how she became that infamous after her father’s death. She appealed to Rita’s better nature to convince her, damn, how could she say “no” now when it meant letting Oak down, a man who had quite literally shielded her with his own body?

“Okay…”

“See?” Catherina smiled broadly, not in the least ashamed to use her friend to coerce her secretary to go out and have some delicious food with her and her other friends.

“It’s…” Oak shrugged when they arrived at his place.

Rita smiled, clutching the small plastic bag she had been given by Elena and Catherina.

“I’ll just wait here until you’re done?” She mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the couch and staring into the void, insecure about the whole thing from start to finish.

“Alright.” Oak understood that she needed a moment to herself and proceeded to have his shower first, frantically trying to not make a mess of the bathroom and to get rid of any and every signs of a single man living here.

Did he have everything she needed?

Then he thought of Catherina and of the way she no doubt had made sure that Rita would have a full care package when it came to this.  
Women, he shook his head, making droplets of water fly all over the place, women were indeed a mysterious breed.


	36. 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready for dinner.
> 
> Quote by Taylor Swift "I'd lie" :  
> First thought when I wake up  
> is "My God he's beautiful",  
> so I put on my make-up  
> and pray for a miracle...
> 
> That's about it...  
> Enjoy <3

36

Jonathan laughed his ass off as he watched Lin frantically scrubbing his face, unable to get the makeup off, instead smudging it all over the place.

“Help me!” Lin whimpered, looking like a futuristic painting of himself.

“HOW? Do you want me to run out there naked and ask for help?” Jonathan laughed, but his hilarity was cut short when Lin dared to say yes to that.

Obliging his love, Jonathan exited the bathroom, trying to grab a towel that Lin yanked out of his hands while telling him not to chicken out.

Jonathan walked up the stairs, hoping and praying that Dolores would not walk out of the kitchen at this very moment and sighed in relief when he made it to Catherina’s door without being seen.

A second after his knock, the door swung open and Catherina appeared in her underwear.

“Did something happen?” She asked, immediately alarmed, scanning him for injuries.

“We cannot get Lin’s face clean. Please help.” Jonathan begged, by now shivering on account of being naked.

“Lin is desperate. And mean. He would not let me take a towel.” He added miserably.

“Oh baby boy, come in.” Catherina sighed, rushing into her own bathroom and coming back with a huge, fluffy towel that smelled like lavender.

“There you go.” She said, handing him a small bottle.

“Unless you want me to just pour that over Lin or to ruin your lovely towels, I’ll have to trouble you for cotton pads as well.” Jonathan admitted in a small voice.

Touching her hand to her forehead, Catherina disappeared again and brought him said item, while Elena, evidently showering already asked what the hell was going on.

Catherina calmly explained that Lin had failed to cleanse his face and therefor had sent noble Jon on a quest for appropriate remedies to the situation…stark naked.

“Hmmmm, okay…Wait, did you say naked?” Elena made a gurgling sound as if she had swallowed some of the water that poured down from the ceiling of the shower.

“Indeed, quite irregular, I have to admit.” Catherina laughed and sent Jonathan on his way, now covered up in a towel.

“Here you are, master.” Jonathan poured some of the lotion on a cotton pad and passed it on to Lin who had tried to wash off the makeup under the shower.

“Where did you get that marvellous towel from?” Lin asked, eyeing the cotton cloud jealously.

“From Catherina. It’s my reward for being so brave…and so naked.” Jonathan pressed the towel closer to his chest to make very clear that he intended to keep it for himself.

Lin was making faces, probably having rubbed some of the makeup remover into his eyes, so Jonathan stepped up to him, took the cotton pad from him and started wiping a new, clean one carefully over the flushed skin.

“You rubbed too hard, baby. Jeez, your poor skin.” Jonathan murmured, soothing Lin’s face with water and kisses.

He tasted the discreet perfume of the lotion and it made him smile.

“My princess.” He said in lovingly mocking tone.

“You looked quite entranced by me.” Lin declared confidently.

Jonathan shrugged, when was he not absolutely hypnotised by Lin and his shenanigans?

His face was clean like the breaking of dawn again, heartbreakingly beautiful, naked.

“She’ll make it up to us, huh?” Lin grinned, his eyes still closed, his face relaxed.

Jonathan had had the same feeling, between this scene and the interlude of the Spanish noble who dreamed of buying or conquering Puerto Rico back from the States, Catherina felt guilty for her “double” life.

“My darling.” He sighed, kissing Lin on the tip of his nose.

He would hold Lin’s hand, it had been too long and he decided that even though he would not write a public love letter, he would take no steps to look inconspicuous when they went out, he would not hide the love he felt for Lin.

Entranced, Lin had said, yes, that he had been and so much more.

He was allowed that sense of pride.

He was entitled to feeling elated and giddy and ridiculously in love with his partner.

Lin’s fingers snaked up and down his body and he sighed, they were just like any other couple, taking much too long to shower, having inside jokes and long cuddle sessions.

No-one could tell him that was wrong, not with a straight face, they couldn’t.

“I heard of a nice little house through the grapevine, not too far away from here. Walking distance really, with a lovely garden.” Lin then said, while working shampoo into Jonathan’s hair.

“Oh…yes? Tell me more?” Jonathan replied, finding it hard to focus on Lin’s words when his hands were all over his scalp, drumming up desire and tenderness at the same time.

“It has two bedrooms and a nice little attic where I could set up a studio as well. It’s close to Catherina, it’s close to the water, it’s close to Vanessa. I thought, maybe we could go look at it one of these days?”

Living with Lin, the thought frightened and excited Jonathan, he could imagine himself being a real lady, working in the garden while he heard Lin fiddle with chords and melodies through the open window.   
Golden afternoons on the porch, sweaty nights between the sheets, waking up with only Lin’s breathing to break the silence, having barbecues, baking cakes with the kids.

Jonathan had to hold his breath for a second to keep himself from crying out in desperate need and want of this future Lin was painting.

“Would you want that?” Lin asked in a low voice, insecurity and excitement colouring it.

Not quite trusting his own voice and words, Jonathan nodded under Lin’s fingers.

He wanted that, he wanted nothing more than that and the fact that it might happen paralysed him with the irrational fear of jinxing it by wanting it too much.

“Thank God, because I made an appointment.” Lin laughed, pushing him gently under the stream of water to rinse out the soap.

Of course he had, Jonathan thought, because Lin was not afraid to grasp what he desired and shape it into what he had imagined.

“How much time do we have?” Lin then asked, his voice having dropped and humming over Jonathan’s wet skin.

Not enough for what you have in mind, Jonathan replied, but only in his mind as Lin’s fingers were already between his legs and his mouth was nibbling at the nape of his neck.

Elena watched, stunned, as Catherina transformed herself into that person, she so dreaded and hated, in between steps always smiling at her, lovingly.

“This me is no less yours than any other version.” Catherina reminded her as she donned yet another set of pearls, slightly pinkish in hue.

With a giggle that spoke of anticipation, Catherina walked to her closet and extricated a hanger covered in a black protective sheet.

Elena instinctively knew that this was some kind of prank or reveal, so she held her breath, waiting for Catherina, still naked except for her lace underpants, to show her the dress of the day.

Elena herself wore a sleek, green dress that complimented her eyes and her milky skin. Long and indecently tight, it sported a slash going all the way up to the middle of her thigh. It had been a gift, Catherina had bought it for her, years ago, when they had been walking around New York together.

Elena loved the dress, but she rarely found the opportunity to wear it as it was indeed quite spectacular, revealing her long, muscular legs with every step and hugging her small breasts in a way that made people uncomfortable.

It was in short, too opulent to wear in a setting where other people looked “normal” and so she only looked at it from time to time to remember that day with Catherina.

Looking into the mirror, Elena had to concede that she didn’t look quite like herself either but that she didn’t feel different about anything or anyone all of a sudden.

Was that the lesson Catherina wanted her to learn here? That looks don’t change the person you are?

Catherina was still fiddling with the cover and Elena was growing increasingly impatient.

Listening to steps on the stairs, Jonathan rushed to his closet, already sweating again.

“You seductress.” He hissed at Lin, who, sitting on the floor, tried to shimmy his wet feet into socks.

“Oh? Now you complain? You could have said “No Lin-Manuel, stop sucking my dick”, but you didn’t, did you?” Lin replied between gritted teeth as his, also wet, ass slipped on the polished floor.

Lin rocking back and forth, one sock on and one still in his hands, gave Jonathan a most interesting and distracting view.

Slamming his own undies on with a little more brutality than necessary, Jonathan forced himself to turn away lest they both miss the dinner because of the weakness of their flesh.

God, how he longed for that house and for privacy.

He loved Cat and Elena, but Jesus, he really wanted a few hours to himself, knowing that no-one would walk in on them while he let Lin crawl all over his body and…

Taking a few deep breaths, Jonathan tried to focus on getting dressed, feeling his skin grow clammy already in the humidity of the steam wafting in from the bathroom.

His thoughts did not help in the least either and he knew it, but seeing Lin, imagining Lin even, did that to him and there was nothing he could do to stop himself.

“Wear the blue shirt.” Lin whispered behind his left shoulder, pointing into the open closet and breathing sweet kisses on his damp skin.

“You drive me half insane, Miranda, you WILL be the death of me.” Jonathan sighed, grabbing the dress shirt and looking at it critically.

They were both aware that no matter what they wore, they’d be upstaged by the women, but they had to give it their best effort, nonetheless.

Lin stepped closer, fastening Jon’s buttons one by one, taking the time to let his knuckles caress his skin tenderly while doing so and once again, they got lost in the intimacy of the moment.

It didn’t always have to be sex and wild kisses, sometimes, those moments of casual bliss were just as powerful.

“Thank you, my love. Do you plan on going like that?” Jonathan smiled, looking at Lin’s naked body only covered by socks and a grin.

“You’d like that, huh?” Lin laughed, patting his torso in an approximation of sexy burlesque movements as seen on TV.

He would, and then again, he wouldn’t, Jon thought, this Lin was for his eyes only.

No, he wouldn’t want to share this glowing skin and the softness of all of Lin’s curves with anybody, let alone with a whole restaurant of strangers.

“It’s bad enough that Catherina had to see me naked today, I don’t think the poor woman could stomach another naked friend today.” He mocked and walked over to Lin’s part of the closet to return the favour of choosing a shirt for him.

Rita stared at the little go-bag that Catherina and Elena had compiled for her.

The sample was labelled as “curls”, no doubt a contribution from Elena as Catherina’s hair was short and very straight, and as Rita had no other choice but to trust them, she poured some of the liquid into the palm of her hand and worked it into her hair.

Then, she applied the makeup that had been provided and dabbed some drops of the expensive perfume that had been added onto her skin.

She looked positively glowing.

Since her graduation, she had not seen herself like that and she was surprised that this person still existed and could be resuscitated so easily.

Her hair was a river of soft curls, much less tight and springy than Elena’s but nonetheless beautiful and her face looked young and fresh, as if she was covered by dew.

Waiting for all of those products to dry, Rita eyed the dress hanging on the bathroom door.

It was the colour of a Mexican summer sky and so dainty and beautiful that Rita was almost ashamed to put it onto her own, unworthy body. She sighed.


	37. 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tad of drama today, I'll be leaving for a short trip tomorrow, if I can manage it, I'll slip in a short chapter before leaving, otherwise, you'll have to wait until I'm back.  
> I hope you don't miss me too much.
> 
> Enjoy <3 Lots of love from me

37

“Do you think they’re ready? Why don’t you go check up on them?” Catherina prompted Elena, somehow yearning to drag out the reveal as long as possible.

“Gay boys? Are you ready?” Elena screamed through the house while walking down the stairs slowly, constrained by her evening dress.

“ELENA!” Dolores shot out of the kitchen, the fire of God in her eyes as she looked at Elena reproachfully.

Mumbling an apology, Elena knocked on the door of the men which swung open immediately, revealing slightly flushed but fully dressed men in formal tuxedos.

“Aren’t you pretty?” Elena mocked, but genuine love tinged her tone and warmed it to a purr. “Reina is making a dramatic entrance.” She then informed them as they were taking position at the foot of the stairs to wait for Catherina to reveal her special dress.

Smiling at herself in the mirror, Catherina grabbed the jewellery box she had hidden and slipped into her shoes.

As she walked down the stairs, she could hear Elena gasp and Lin’s eyes seemed suspiciously wet all of a sudden.

“Oh _mija_ …” Dolores sighed and touched the dress with a mix of regret and admiration.

“That’s her wedding dress.” Elena whispered to the men whose eyes were now as round as plates.

Catherina had tasked a designer, a friend, to cut off the ludicrous train and get rid of some of the hoops she had worn for the wedding itself. The biggest change though was the application, sewn on by hand, of a myriad of flowers, _Thespesia grandiflora **,**_ commonly known as _flor de maga_ , the national flower of Puerto Rico.

The rich red colour contrasted beautifully with the pearly sheen of the dress itself and the result was so beautiful and refined that it almost defied words.

“My love.” Catherina stretched out her hands, holding the box out to Elena.

“What? What is it?” Elena stammered, picking up the box and opening it carefully.

The necklace was beautiful, a river of perfectly round droplets of crystal with a princess cut emerald at the centre.

Elena gasped again, she could not believe or accept this gift.

From the box itself, she could tell that this was an old necklace, probably an heirloom, definitely expensive beyond her wildest dreams.

“It was my grandmother’s.” Catherina smiled, slipping behind Elena to fasten the jewel around her slender neck.

“I cannot accept that.” Elena protested, but as she spoke, she already turned to the mirror to see how well the necklace complimented both her eyes and her dress.

“It suits you.” Lin smiled, taking both her hands and kissing her on the cheek.

They had been right in assuming that they would be shamefully outshined by the women and as they now stood there, crows amongst paradise birds, they felt humbled by the beauty and elegance of their friends.

Catherina had literally cut up her wedding dress and made it into something else, into an expression, loud and clear, of her love for places and people she had been taught to despise.

Ever the more or less discreet activist, Catherina seemed to plan to go out and wear every single one of her convictions on her sleeve.

“That restaurant must be something else.” Jonathan murmured as Catherina unironically put on a hat, a tiny fascinator that sat cheekily on the top her short hair, remnants of her bridal veil hanging down from it and obscuring her lovely, pale face.

“So this me, the professional, the rich, the heiress me…And it’s all yours.” Catherina declared with a laugh, grabbing her keys from a small bowl that some guest or other had given her as a gift and that had obviously been hand painted by a child.

“Sweet mother of forgiveness.” Oak whistled through his teeth, words escaping his dazzled mind as he looked upon a woman who looked nothing like the fearful, fretting secretary that had stepped into his bathroom some time earlier.

Rita looked positively like a vixen, exotic, different, her golden skin shimmering in the dim light of his living room lamps and her mouth warm and wet and half-open.

“Could you please close the zipper?” She mumbled.  
She had tried and tried, wriggled around with and without the coat hanger and yet, she didn’t manage to get the dress closed up on account of its cut and its tightness.

It was mortifying to have to ask Oak, but as he was the only other person in the apartment, she had no other choice than to ask him or to go to dinner half-dressed.

“Sure.” He replied, gulping down a big mouthful of air when she turned around and he could clearly see her bare back.

She had taken off her bra and was presently not wearing it, such a tiny detail, such a distraction.

Pulling up the tiny zipper as carefully as possible, he felt like a gorilla trying to repair a swiss watch, clumsy and uncoordinated.

He could see the zipper just crumble to fairy dust between his fingers and when it was finally all the way up, he almost sighed in relief.

She swung around, literally shining and glistening. She had done something to her face that made it look almost fluid, as if the changing light carved new shapes into her skin every time she shifted around.

Also, her hair was open and it was much longer than he had expected, flowing down her back like a dark brown river of silk, shimmering and inviting.

Having been taught by his own family, friends and experiences that nobody, especially no woman, liked to have their hair touched just like that out of the blue, he held back, but God, how he wished to bury his hands in her hair.

A car honked outside and they turned to the door, the blue-ish dress swirling around her legs as she moved and Oak had to smile to himself seeing such a classical Catherina-silhouette.

“Madame.” The maître d’ raised his eyebrows just a fraction, a testament to his professional demeanour and his experience.

She had asked for a table for six, but she had not given the names of any of the other people.

“Ah, there are the others. How lovely you look, Rita.” Catherina exclaimed and walked towards her secretary, both arms outstretched in welcome.

They were led to a lovely table on a raised part of the room, shielded from view by a waiter who did not quite have the same equanimity than his boss and whose eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets.

Menus were handed, discreetly, choices were made, wine was poured.

“There’s a dancefloor, do you intend to dance?” Elena asked, frowning at the tiny amuse-bouches they were given.

“If you’re up to it.” Catherina smiled, nibbling at said item of food in just the right way.

Lin was impressed. So, this was the other world Catherina fled to sometimes, low music, low lighting, rich people, tiny portions of food.

While Catherina looked shamefully relaxed, Elena and Rita were obviously ill at ease in this setting, looking around in disbelief.

“It’s boring, isn’t it? How do you like it, Lena?” Catherina asked her significant other as another waiter cleared their plates and approached with a breadbasket, waiting for their choice and then setting one tiny bun with pincers on a special tiny plate meant to hold that mockery of bread.

“It’s quite ridiculous, indeed.” Elena had to admit even though it hurt her internally to allow Catherina to be right about this.

The actual entrée and the main course were fortunately bigger and it was indeed delicious.

Breaking protocol, they had laughs about friends and colleagues, about Javier and his mother and about things that happened since they’ve all been together the last time.

“Ant still sends me pictures of his vase.” Oak laughed, then turning to Rita, he explained in a natural, easy-going way: “Ant, Anthony that is, came to Catherina’s old house and fell in love with some antique vase. Catherina let him have it and ever since, he’s kind of obsessed with it. Strange story.”

Rita nodded, not really understanding why her employer would give away a, no doubt about that, priceless vase to some random dude.

“Oh, how I wish that Javier could see me. Can you imagine that I don’t even have his number? He literally called me from a landline that one time he called. And I really don’t feel like having a picture printed out to send it by post, that defeats the purpose of being spontaneously petty, doesn’t it?” Catherina snickered, drinking some more of the excellent wine they were given.

“Pushy Spanish noble, yes?” Rita asked Oak and everybody nodded.

“We’re going to go look at a house, maybe.” Lin then announced and silence fell over the table.

“I’ll miss you terribly, but yayyyy, that sounds so cool. Is it far?” Elena blurted out.

“No, it would not be an option if it was too far from you.” Lin replied suavely, taking her hand and kissing it with a loud smacking sound.

“They have been friends for a long, long time.” Oak resumed his voice-over of the situation that made everybody laugh and Rita blush slightly.

And just in that moment, as the waiter was on his way with the menu for the desserts, an old, fat man stood up from his table and made his way towards them.

Most of them knew his name, but Catherina knew his face and she tensed up, hoping, praying that he was after someone else than her little party.

Like a derailed train, he was steadily drawing nearer nonetheless, his hungry eyes taking in every single detail.

Jonathan’s arm slung around the back of Lin’s chair in a familiar, relaxed way, Oak smiling at Rita warmly, Elena’s hand in Catherina’s on her thigh, a family scene, a private scene.

Catherina knew his face, she knew who he was and she was not having any of this tonight.

He was the owner of a series of papers of average credibility and renown, but she knew much too well that what he now saw would find its way into the dirtier papers of his collection.

Gossip paid bills, serious journalism not so much.

Serious journalism had to be really good to be lucrative whereas smear campaigns and rumours could be as bad, wrong and untrue as they wanted, they still sold out.

As the man made his way steadily towards their table, his eyes gleaming with greed, Catherina stood up as well.

She was ready to shield, to protect, to defend her friends and family if need be.

“Catherina?” Elena yelped, surprised, alarmed.

She had seen the change in Catherina’s face, had seen suppressed anger and something like fear in her partner’s eyes.

“Ah Catherina.” The man now said, close enough to be within earshot.

“NO!” She interrupted him, her voice cutting through the soft music and the low conversations at the other tables.

“Don’t be like that. You know that I saw, it would be better if you just gave me a statement, huh, girl?”

She stepped forward, single-minded, angry, her presence belying her tiny stature.

Unfortunately, she had forgotten that they were indeed on a raised platform and so she fell, hard, a heap of tulle and satin.

“REINA.” Elena called out, leaping out of her chair and within seconds, Catherina, silent as a grave, was bolstered up by the very same people she had wanted to keep out of sight from this awful mogul of the printed lie and half-truth.


	38. 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back for a day or two before being off again..  
> So here goes a chapter of accidents and love...
> 
> Enjoy <3

38

“I’m fine. I’m fine.”

Catherina was NOT fine, her ankle hurt like hell, but she would be damned if she admitted it.

“Nope.” Oak rumbled, picked her up like he’s always used to and hauled her back to her chair.

“Ice, we need ice here, here, give me that. Come on. Give it here.” Lin was wrestling a champagne bucket from an unsuspecting waiter who now stood, the champagne bottle dripping all over the floor, in the middle of the room, unsure how to proceed.

Catherina’s foot was unceremoniously dipped into said bucket, which made her yelp for a second, but Elena held her down with an iron strength.

“You better run…Scurry, chop chop.” Jonathan grumbled to the elderly man who stood, frozen into place, staring still at the spot where Catherina had lain just a second ago.

“Catherina, I…” He started saying but the eyes that were turned on him were murderous.

“DO NOT DISTURB ME WHILE I’M HAVING DINNER WITH MY FAMILY.” Catherina hissed, the pain and the shock turned into searing white anger.

“I am so sorry, but…a little statement, please?”

“I am having dinner with MY FAMILY. Is nothing sacred to you? This is sacred to me. Print “Heiress having dinner with family and doing a faceplant” for all I care, but believe me, if I read anything else, untoward, malicious or mendacious tomorrow, I’ll have the hounds of law chase you to your grave if need be.”

He raised his eyebrows, he had known her and especially her actual family for a long, long time, but he could not recognize the shy and demure little girl in that woman staring daggers at him right now.

Salacious details about hidden homosexuality, mixed race relationships and orgies slipped away in his mind, much to his regret.

He could clearly see that she meant what she said and he was not entirely sure if he wanted to provoke a conflict with her, he could not yet fathom how dangerous she really was.

“Give me something?” He begged, trying hard to get at least a single item of news that he could print, a single trophy to drag home.

“I am friends with those people after all, even though I’ve denied it publicly a few times before. Oh, and that woman who will tear your throat out if you don’t move within the next 30 seconds? She’s mine. And I won’t stop her.” Catherina declared, her foot still in the champagne bottle and looking like a queen nonetheless.

“Yours as in…” He started moving backwards, stumbling but not taking his eyes off Catherina for fear of having her fly off the dais again to tear him to pieces this time.

“Mine as in mine in all the terrible and unimaginable ways your little dirty mind doesn’t even dare to fathom.” Catherina said darkly, well aware that by now all eyes were pinned on her.

“Oh, just get lost.” Jonathan snarled and Catherina’s head whipped around, she had never heard Jonathan that threatening, it was so unlike him that she felt highly alarmed.

“You are distressing my dearest friends.” She growled, trying to get up and being pushed down forcefully again by Elena.

As the man was still not moving any faster, the men slowly advanced on him and there was something so primal about it, that the women instinctively fell silent, full of trepidation and dread.

“I am leaving. I’m sorry.” The old man stammered, turned on his heels and almost fled, not only from their vicinity but from the room.

Catherina was petrified.

Those were her friends, warm people, loving people but the expression in their eyes was terrifying, awe-inspiring and commanding.

Cocking her head up, she saw the same fire in Elena’s eyes, the readiness to fling herself at the man and tear him limb from limb.

“It was my fault, really, I am so clumsy.” Catherina tried to assuage her lover, but the anger in her eyes did not die down.

Lin’s brows were slanted downward dramatically, and his signature half-smile was nowhere in sight, his chin set firmly and his eyes ablaze.

He was displeased and Catherina felt so small all of a sudden, she had made a fool out of herself and now they were displeased, she had disgraced them, sweet Jesus.

Tears sprang to her eyes, but she bit down hard on the inside of her cheek not to cry.

“Oh baby, are you in pain? Let’s go to the hospital.”

Jonathan was the first to snap out of his rage, his eyes warming up in an instant and his arms, warm and silken in their shirtsleeves, around her shaking body.

“No, no, I’m alright. I am so sorry though, I didn’t mean to make a spectacle of myself. I am so sorry. I am…” Catherina uttered melodically in a pressed voice, like a prayer, like a plea.

“What is this? Why are you sorry?” Oak knelt down beside her chair and patted her tiny hand with his.

“Oh, darling, no. Nobody is angry with you. Oh Reina.” Elena cried out, a bit too loudly, as she understood where Catherina was coming from.

“We’re not your father. We’re not angry at you. I’m sorry I scared you.” She covered Catherina’s face with kisses, wiping away the two tears that had plummeted off her lashes despite her best efforts.

She looked at the men expectantly, waiting for them to follow her train of thought.

“At you?” Lin asked, confused beyond measure and words.

Catherina remembered, she remembered sitting in chairs like these and she remembered her father, stone-faced, whenever she had done or said anything imprudent or inappropriate, his seething anger, the hatred in his face, the sinking feeling of having disappointed him, the dread of the punishment to come.

Scenes flashed before her eyes and she couldn’t stop the reel of nightmares behind her half-closed lids.

“Nobody is angry at you. He goaded you and you fell, God, how you fell, my poor darling. Why do you think that you have to protect us all the time?” Lin said in his warm, melodic voice, the voice he used to soothe his children, the voice he used to talk Jonathan to sleep.

His eyes flew to the growing contusion on Catherina’s brow, she had probably hit something upon landing, possibly her own hand.

Once again, her knees were scraped and her foot looked blueish, but he didn’t know if that was due to the injury or to the ice-cold water it still was in.

A waiter came and brought another bowl of ice and some clean towels.

“NO!” Catherina gasped as they all prepared to tend to her.

“No, I cannot. No, no, I will not let you do this.” She whimpered, twisting in her chair, still held in place by Elena’s iron grip.

“Yes, you will, Missy.” Oak thundered, dipping the cloth into the clean water and starting to wipe clean her bleeding knees.

“This is ludicrous. NO!” Catherina hissed again, as Lin poured some new ice into her bucket and Jonathan dabbed her brow with a cloth wrapped around some ice-cubes.

“You don’t get to pick and choose. When Lin was sick, when I was injured, you went out of your way to help us, so for God’s sake, you can let us take care of your wounds. Oak will not jump into shackles and pick cotton all of a sudden.” Jonathan retorted calmly, contemplating the ever-growing purplish bulge on her brow with worry.

“You may bring the dessert menu.” Catherina instructed the waiter who hovered at the edge of the scene, unsure how to proceed as the woman looked seriously battered.

Rita stared.

So, that was the measure of the woman she was to work for.

A woman who stepped in front of men much taller and stronger than herself and fell off a dais.

A woman who was so terrified of being helped or cared for that she’d cry over that rather than over a nasty fall.

A woman much loved and fiercely protected, a woman loving boundlessly and just as protective.

The bulge over her eye was threatening to swallow said eye, but Catherina insisted on dessert and coffee.

Professional, cold, in control.

Rita knew, Rita saw, that she was in pain and that her behaviour was a testament to her upbringing and to a fear she had seen flash in her employer’s eyes but didn’t understand.

Or did she?

Could it be that Catherina, beautiful, rich, influential Catherina was just as afraid to do wrong, to displease other people, to disappoint as everybody else?

“Darling, we have to take you to the hospital.” Elena said, eating her cake too fast, standing behind Catherina still and keeping an eye on her.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, but I’m sure one of those private clinics could do a quick check-up. I will go alone though, you’ve all had enough of my shenanigans tonight and you need your rest and privacy.” Catherina replied, sipping her coffee, praying that it would dull the pain in her skull.

“A wet fart we will.” Lin laughed.

Catherina just stared at him, he sat there, cake smeared around his mouth, laughing as if she had just told the most amazing of jokes.

She wanted to protest, she wanted to send them home, but at the same time, she couldn’t think of anything that would reassure and soothe her more than them being there.

Catherina paid the bill and wondered how to get up and how to use the restroom and what to do now anyway.

“Let’s freshen up before we leave, yeah?” Elena read the body language of her girlfriend and was more than ready to haul her single-handedly to the restroom.

“Hop on, princess.” Oak smiled, lifting Catherina as cautiously as he could and carrying her out of the dining room.

“Okieriete. Really, you cannot.” Catherina sighed, but Elena had already stomped into the restroom, loudly proclaiming that there was a man about to come in…to an empty room.

“We’ll be right outside the door.” Oak promised as he set Catherina down very gently.

“Ludicrous.” Catherina muttered under her breath as she limped to the stall, only to have Elena squeeze in with her.

“Your head looks really bad, love, nobody wants you to faint on the loo.”

Catherina would have shaken her head if she hadn’t been so afraid of actually really passing out from the pain, so she just did what she had to do, washed her hands and was then carried out of the restaurant by Oak again.

As the car arrived, Lin indicated a private hospital as destination with such conviction, that Catherina didn’t really have the heart to contradict him anymore.

“So, you still want to work for me?” She asked Rita with a lopsided smile.

“More than ever. That was awesome.” Rita replied breathlessly.

If anyone had told her that she would spend any of her nights driving to a fancy hospital with three award winning actors and a filthy rich heiress, she would have laughed, but this seemed to be her new reality now and she loved it.

Dr. Charles Finston waited at the door, the nurse taking the phone call hadn’t told him anything but for the fact that he’d have a patient who had had a nasty fall.

He was expecting a drunk or a junkie who just chose the nearest clinic and who’d die indebted due to the horrendous bill he’d have to foot.

So, it was understandable that he gasped aloud when coming face to face with his actual patient and her…unconventional company.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter before I leave again.  
> Wait for me patiently, yes?
> 
> Enjoy <3

39

“She had a tumble.” Jonathan explained in his silken voice, nodding to Catherina, still being carried like a sack of potatoes.

Finston stared.

There was a woman, in a wedding-gown, with a bump as big as an egg on her brow and a foot swollen to a grotesque size, being carried by a tree of a man.

“Oak, let me down.” She asked in a well-modulated voice and Finston couldn’t keep himself from laughing out loud.

“Oak?” He asked, amused by his own thought and the echo of the actual name of the man.

“That’s me.” The man laughed. It was a warm, melodic sound that invited people to laugh along and Finston’s mood brightened immediately despite his tiredness.

“Nurse, a wheelchair, please.” He called into the hall.

“Oh no, please don’t trouble yourself.” The woman, introducing herself as Catherina, said meekly, which made Finston raise his brows.

“Lady, this is a hospital. Troubling ourselves is our job. Also, no, you cannot walk on that foot.” He said in his most professional tone and waved the nurse closer.

Other than the lady and her questionable tree steed, there was the tall man who had spoken first and who positively looked like an animation of a prince come alive with his beautiful teeth and his sparkling eyes.

While the nurse packed the wedding-dress-patient into the wheelchair, Finston contemplated the rest of the party.

Clearly, they had had some kind of fancy celebration as they were all dressed to the nines: a smallish man was holding shoes that were definitely too small for his feet, nonetheless he cradled the high heels in a non-verbal expression of tension and worry.

Just behind the tree man stood a small woman, her eyes darting between the wheelchair and the tree, she was obviously confused but also seemingly excited by everything going on around her.

And finally, there was an Amazon, a tall, slender woman with eyes like emeralds, hard and glossy, hovering over the woman in the wheelchair with a possessiveness reserved for significant others and mothers.

Apparently, all of these people also intended to come in and fuss about the stone-faced little person huddled in her wheelchair, so frightened to be a burden to literal health professionals.

What a day.

“She’ll be alright.” Jonathan promised, holding Lin’s hand, stroking it with his thumb.

Lin had horror visions of Catherina having a cranial bleeding that went undiagnosed and then she’d die a horrible death…

“Hush, it will be okay. She’s a tough one.”

Burying his face in Jonathan’s chest, Lin had to believe that his love would be right.

While Elena paced from side to side, from wall to wall, her doubts and fears translating themselves into a boundless nervous energy, Lin now sat cuddled against Jonathan, breathing in the clean, warm smell of his skin that had permeated the fabric of his shirt.

They didn’t care for discretion now, not in this situation, not in a private hospital in the middle of the night.

Jonathan thought about all the times he had fretted beside Lin, about the thousands upon thousands of instances when they could have alleviated one another’s pain by just allowing themselves to hold and to be held.

How much better it felt to have Lin in his arms, to make his love and his faith waft out and over him like an unseen mist and to draw solace and strength himself from this embrace.

“I love you.” He whispered, out of context, but painfully sincere.

He would never grow tired of saying that, or, for that matter, of Lin’s eyes lighting up with unfiltered joy and love upon hearing those words roll from his lips.

Catherina was brave, she let the doctor drain the bump, she let them twist her ankle painfully to get an X-ray, she let them bandage her up until she was almost unable to move, all without saying a single word of protest.

“I am fine. Thank you.” She repeated mechanically when the doctor and the nurses had finished their ministrations.

Looking suspiciously at the wheelchair in the corner, she tried to wriggle off the table, but the doctor held her back, nodding to the nurse.

“Either you let nurse Walters wheel you out or…”

“No, no, it’s alright, really.” Catherina said softly, wriggling to the edge of the table again.

“You don’t seem to have a concussion, but you fell hard nonetheless, and you have to keep that ankle still for a time. I do not trust you.” The doctor lectured her in a stern voice, turning around and addressing Elena directly.

“This lady will be seated for the next days, she must not overtire herself. She seems a stubborn one, so I prefer to warn you instead.”

Elena nodded, taking his hand and shaking it warmly. “Thank you, Doc. I’ll see to it.”

Catherina rolled her eyes, this was ridiculous, she felt absolutely fine, just a tad tired and maybe a tiny bit sore, but not mortally wounded.

The doctor mentally patted himself on the shoulder for reading the situation right, clearly, this woman was the patient’s partner, but all the others also flocked around her like chicks around their mother hen.

“Is the bump better?” Jonathan asked in a tender voice, stroking Catherina’s hair gently.

“We had to drain it. How long ago was that fall?” The doctor said accusingly, nodding towards the tightly bandaged foot.

“An hour or so? She wanted to have dessert.” Lin shrugged.

Mentally congratulating himself AGAIN, Finston thought that this woman was as hard-headed as they came, and probably just as soft-hearted as she was already comforting the others as if they had cracked their head and their foot half-open.

“You may take her home, if you want to, but keep an eye on her as we cannot rule a concussion completely out at this stage.” With that, the doctor went away, scribbling furiously on his notepad, rubbing his hands when thinking about the bill he was about to write.

“Don’t you dare.” Lin said sharply as Catherina, once again, tried to get up from the table.

Oak lifted her into the wheelchair and she was wheeled out after all, cussing all the way to the waiting car about how undignified this was.

“You can crash at my place if you want to? It’s pretty late? I’ll take you to work tomorrow?” Oak offered Rita who was looking at her wristwatch for the third time in a row.

She lived with 3 other women in a tiny flat and she didn’t want to wake any of the others as they had many shifts and very little time to sleep.

“Yes, I guess that would be lovely, I don’t need much.” Rita was too tired, mentally, physically and emotionally to protest. She knew that she would have slept at the train station otherwise, cuddled up against the wall, as if waiting for the train to arrive.

“Oak.”

There was a whole conversation going on between Catherina and her friend without any words being uttered, warnings, pleas, questions from Catherina and utter calm on Oak’s side. He had the talent to make people feel at ease, to make them feel safe, mainly because he was a decent person and would never take advantage of this situation to threaten or hurt Rita in any way.

“I shall be there first thing in the morning. I know exactly where everything is, if I am to see that anything has been touched, I shall tell Elena.” Rita warned Catherina, having taken stock of the stubbornness of her employer.

“Oh, so you turn on me now, girl?” Catherina acted shocked.

“For your own good. I’ve told you that I am loyal to a fault and I shall do my utter best to serve you as well as I possibly can, even if that means that I’ll have to protect you from yourself.” Rita replied calmly, smoothed out her dress and followed Oak, who had hailed a cab.

“What are you whispering about?” Catherina tried to glare at her friends but the thick bandage over her eye made that quite difficult and foiled her efforts to look dangerous and threatening.

As a matter of fact, Lin, Jonathan and Elena had decided that Catherina would spend the night in their room as she would otherwise definitely try to walk up the steps on her own.

Also, they had sworn to take turns and cover shifts watching over her.

“NO! You’re not well enough for that!” Catherina scolded Jonathan when he tried to lift her out of the car, but just putting her foot down to get out of it made Catherina dizzy with pain.

Biting down on it and pushing through the haze, she set one foot in front of the other, stubborn as ever.

“Sit!”

She had no idea how Lin had gotten up to the house and out again so fast, but she didn’t protest when he gently put her in the wheelchair she had bought for Jonathan and wheeled her up slowly.

Humming a melody, he gently lifted her over the doorstep and pushed her into their room where Jonathan and Elena were already changing the sheets and putting the couch cushions on the floor.

Smiling, Jonathan did now grab her and lift her softly onto the bed, kissing the top of her head tenderly as he whispered: “You have to be a little more careful, princess.”

While the men waited outside, Elena stripped the dress of Catherina and grabbed T-Shirt from a chair for her to wear.

She also cleaned Catherina’s face with the lotion still in the men’s bathroom, trying hard not to touch the bandage and the injury beneath it.

Fluffing up the pillows, she then put Catherina to bed and covered her up with the thick blanket, all without saying a single word.

“I am scared for you sometimes, you know?” She finally said, her voice breaking.

“You do such tremendously stupid shit!”

“It’s nothing. I fell. I’m not even seriously injured, I have a twisted ankle, I mean, that’s peanuts in your job, isn’t it?” Catherina tried to downplay the whole thing.

“It’s not the injury itself but the way you got it, and you know it. Why can’t you just be careful? Mindful of your own safety? Why?” Elena groaned in frustration.

“Because there are things that are more important? Compared to the risk, this is a tiny price to pay.” Catherina replied with conviction.

“What then? You seemed to have no problem letting the man know that you’re dating me.

So, what is it? Is Lin’s and Jon’s relationship worth a concussion? A twisted ankle? Do you not think that if they wanted it to be a secret, they wouldn’t be so disgustingly lovey-dovey with each other in public?”

This made Catherina pause for a minute.

“It is their secret, if it is a secret at all, it is theirs to protect and to keep. They are grown men, they have had those careers for a while now, they know what the press can do out of wickedness and boredom. Why do you have to throw yourself headfirst into everything?”

“Because, when it comes down to it, I love you more than life.” Catherina said in a small voice.

“Sorry to eavesdrop.” Lin said, bursting in like life was indeed a play.

Enter stage right, Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jonathan Groff with their lines.


	40. 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?   
> That's right, me :)
> 
> Enjoy <3

40

“But Elena is RIGHT.

You say you love us more than life. Well, we love you more than secrecy, more than discretion, more than a good article, doesn’t that make sense to you at all?

We love you more than parodies of Spanish nobles and their bad habits, more than schoolboys who try to convince you of our inferiority, more than your father could ever change.

Why do you think you need to protect us by hiding stuff, by bearing pain alone, by literally jumping into the face of any person who could get it into their head not to like or favour us?”

Lin stared at her hard, not relenting even as she flinched and hid her face in her hands.

“This will not do, Catherina. You cannot bear all the weight, brave all the risks and fight all the wars in our stead and in our name. It’s unfair, to you, to us.

Why can you not trust us? You say you love us, but obviously you cannot trust us to be there, to back you up, to stay…”

Catherina had started crying, but Elena nodded, in her opinion this was just what Catherina needed to hear right now.

“No-one ever has, except Elena and Cal.” She sobbed in a low voice.

“Bullshit, your father is dead, okay, but your aunts came to the show. Caleb comes regularly, your ex-husband calls you often, Elena and her family still love you, my parents ask about you all the time. Oak came by. We are all here, how many times do we have to show up again and again and again before you realise that we’ve never left? That we won’t? You cannot get rid of us.”

Lin crawled into bed beside her, pulling her into his arms like he had done that very first evening and whispering: “Anything you need, just say the word.”

“I am tired and I am in pain and I am confused.” Catherina mumbled at his chest.

“I know, baby girl, I know.” He shushed her and started rocking her ever so gently.

“You did look fabulous though, I cannot deny it. Dearest Cat, don’t you know that you’re the princess? How can Lin and me ever be princes if the princess fights all the dragons for us?” Jonathan climbed into the bed as well and took Catherina’s hand.

“You are precious. I need to protect that.” Catherina muttered.

Rolling herself into a ball at Catherina’s feet, mindful not to touch or rock her injured ankle, Elena sighed : “Well, so are you. And protect we shall. Lin has first shift.”

And with that, Lin started humming a Spanish lullaby until the three others were fast asleep.

Rita stared at the ceiling.

He had given her his bed, of course he had, being a perfect gentleman.

Singing to herself in a low voice, Rita tried to keep her head from spinning right off her neck after all that had transpired today.

Her employer was a madwoman, she lived with two men who were in a homosexual relationship and everybody suspected but nobody KNEW, well, she knew.

She knew a damn lot of things now, like what Oak’s bedroom smelled like, or how Catherina’s clothes felt on her skin.

A few days ago, she had been just another poor girl in an overcrowded flat, now she lay wide awake, stark naked, in the bed of an international star.

How did anyone expect her to sleep?

She had gone without sleep many a time, but for once it wasn’t hunger or fear that kept her awake, she was as safe as she could be with that ebony giant outside of her door, no, it was sheer, utter excitement.

Stifling a hysterical giggle, Rita went over everything again and again in her mind: the lights, the food, the house, Oak, the laughter, the accident, Oak, the drive back, the bed, Oak…

Finally sitting up, she rubbed her hands over her face, as if to make sure that she was still there and still the same person when everything around her had changed so much.

In this moment, she wished that she had friends or anyone to talk to about this, but on the one hand, she had been solitary all her life and on the other, she was not allowed or willing to betray secrets that were not hers.

So, she turned to God, the only one who would listen and keep her secrets from the world and from the press.

“Dear God, it’s me, Margherita, can you hear me? I have implored you time and time again to give me a chance, to send me a sign and I wonder, is this it?

I have left my hometown in search of a job, of a mission worth my while and they say that you never give us more to deal with than we can handle, is this a test?

This woman, she’s insane, she’s stubborn and brave and…I could love her, she’s a leader I could follow.

I am frightened, I am lost, I am so far from everything I’ve known all my life and I wonder, can you stand by me just a little longer? Show me a way to get through this?

Every step I take is on cracking ice that might give way under me at any minute, so, please, stay with me, guide me through this new world, amongst these new people.

Will they hurt me? Am I in danger? I’ve read the news, I’ve read the stories, hedonistic parties and abuse of the poor and the weak…Is that my fate? I hope not, they don’t seem the kind of people, but you never know, do you?

Dear God, have you seen Hamilton? You’re God, so I guess that you have, I mean, if even God cannot get tickets…” She chuckled, she was definitely losing her mind.

“I wish I had seen it, I wish I wasn’t so poor.” Defeated, she clutched the blanket to her chest.

“This might sound preposterous to you, but God, good God who is in heaven and is the maker of all things, I beg of you, protect my employer and her wild heart! I…For now, they seem terribly good people, they made me feel welcome and if I have any credit with you for being humble, hard-working and faithful all of my life, I want to cash it in to protect and nurture those people, they might need it more than me.

You’ve led me all the way from poverty and squalor to a nice, clean house, from loneliness and depredation to a warm bed offered up willingly, and I must believe that you do exist and that you’re good as well.

Hold your hand over those who in turn hold their hand over your most humble and forsaken creatures. Amen.”

She closed her eyes, focussing all her confusion and that ghost of affection she had thought dead and buried within her between her breasts, imagining those feelings like beams of light shooting up into the sky as a silent plea to God.

Catherina sighed in her sleep.

“Your turn, baby?” Lin shook Jonathan gently, which was hard as he didn’t want to wake up Catherina, not yet.

Those beautiful eyes, full of dreams fleeting fast, fluttered open and Lin felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

He would never grow used to the way Jonathan’s eyes were mirrors of the ocean, mirrors of the sky, mirrors of the most perfect of all souls.

“I’m there.” He murmured, still sleepy, but struggling to wake up.

Sitting up in slow-motion, he touched Catherina’s forehead, no fever, cautiously lifted her eyelid.

“Cat?” Jonathan ran his finger lightly against her cheek.

Her eyes fluttered open as well, fast and abruptly.

“How are you feeling?”

She nodded, smiling, turned around and went back to sleep almost immediately.

It was hard to walk the tightrope between keeping an eye on Catherina’s condition and letting her sleep in order for her body to regenerate.

The cushions on the floor were forgotten as Catherina slept between the two men, living boulders who kept her from tossing and turning too much and from falling off the bed inadvertently.

Lin had covered Elena, still rolled up at the foot of the bed, with sweatshirts and other items of clothing that he could find.

Slipping off the bed like a ninja, Jonathan retrieved the blanket they had brought in for the cushion fort and spread it out over the sleeping Elena.

“Sleep a bit now, love.” He said to Lin, promising to keep watch over Catherina for the next hours.

“Hmmm’kay.” Lin mumbled, tired, gliding farther into the pillows and under the blanket.

Jonathan remembered his lullaby. Lin, a father in more than just name, had watched over their sleeping bodies, humming lullabies and tucking all of them in as best he could without deserting Catherina, telling bedtime stories under his breath that he made up on the spot, no doubt.

She was tired and hurting, but this time, she wouldn’t be tired and hurting alone. They would fill this horrid moment with warmth and music. There would be no silent crying and desperate attempt to hide one’s weakness.

Not this time, not on Lin’s watch.

He had wrapped himself, literally and metaphorically, around Catherina, creating a bubble of love and of healing.

Smiling to himself, Jonathan vowed to contribute what he could to that.

He was much less wordy, much less expressive than Lin and they all knew it.

So, he stroked Catherina’s hair, holding Lin’s over her body.

This approximation of a hug, the contact, the physical expression of solace and solidarity was the best he could do, but as he breathed a kiss upon her forehead, Catherina sighed his name in her sleep.

She knew, God, she knew it was him, she could recognize his touch, his smell and the way he instinctively would go about pacifying her.

It felt good, he thought, it felt good to be here in this room and to feel a sense of community and belonging with those people.

Funny how things had just fallen into place since he had known Catherina, how Lin was now sleeping peacefully at Catherina’s side, how he was excited to go visit that house with Lin and how he hadn’t doubted his sexuality or his aim in life in the longest time.

“Thank you, little one.” He breathed into Catherina’s hair and she smiled without waking up, laying her hand on his arm just above his wrist and his intertwined fingers.

She had welcomed him, fought for him, kept his secrets, encouraged Lin, comforted him, she had been there every step of the way and he was beyond grateful for her courage.

If only she would take better care of herself, he added in his thoughts, as his eyes fell on the dark stain bleeding down her eye beneath her skin.

He also remembered how Dolores had claimed, months ago, that she had checked up on all of them to protect Catherina, he had been outraged, but now he understood.

All the scars covering her body, all those wounds she had taken while protecting and defending others, told the story of a fierce woman.

Lin’s pulse thumped rhythmically against his fingers and he dozed off to the sweet melody of the beating of the most precious of hearts for him.


	41. 41

41

Rita hummed along to the soundtrack of Hamilton as it droned through the door.

“Are you decent?” A thunderous voice was heard, followed by a knock, a second of pause in which Oak realised that he should have knocked before yelling and then the chuckle he couldn’t suppress.

“Not really, but come in, it’s your room.” Rita replied, clutching the blanket to her bare chest and romping all the way back until her back touched the headrest of the bed.

“Coffee?” Oak’s head appeared, followed by a steaming mug.

“I’d stretch out my hand, but…I won’t.” Rita smiled, nodding to the nightstand beside her.

Her breath caught inside her lungs as she discovered that Oak did not mind being “indecent”, a fact made clear by his bare chest and muscular legs appearing in front of her stunned eyes, gaze locked upon his skin.

He set down the cup and rummaged through his closet.

“Want me to borrow you something?” He asked without turning around and it took a few seconds before Rita even noticed that he had talked to her.

“Hmmm.” She hummed, confused, unable to trust her words or voice.

Throwing a T-Shirt with a funny print over his shoulder, Oak pulled one out for himself as well and then slipped into his pants.

When he was done, after having Rita given a prime show of his ass wriggling into the pair of pants, he turned around only to find Rita sipping from her cup, his shirt on and as far as he could tell, not much else.

Her naked legs were folded under her and her hair tumbled down her back in tousled cascade, in a word, she looked fragile and adorable.

“Would it be indecent of me to offer you a boxershort?” He asked and when she shook her head, he picked one that would match the cute shirt that hung loosely off her delicate frame.

Gliding under the blanket again, Rita pulled the shorts over her naked ass, as she didn’t want to wear the same underwear two days in a row if not strictly necessary and jolted at the forbidden pleasure of wearing a man’s underwear.

“Oh, I cannot go to work like that.” She moaned, but Oak assured that Catherina would look worse than that this morning.

“She sent a car by the way. Again.” He laughed, nodded at the coffee and left the room.

Packing all her things into a plastic bag in a hurry, deciding to offer Catherina to keep the cost of the drycleaner’s off her first salary, Rita followed him hastily.

At the house, she was greeted with another cup of coffee and some warm buns by Dolores who rolled her eyes at a very mopey Catherina who, sporting an impressive black eye, sat in a corner of the kitchen.

“I am so sorry for my…” Rita pointed to the shirt that was almost long enough to be a dress and the tiny bit of short peeking out from under it.

Blinking for a few seconds, Catherina broke out into roaring laughter, calling the others to come look at that.

“Adorable.” Jonathan smiled at her, nodding approvingly.

“We’ve all been there.” Elena shrugged, looking down at the grey shirt she was wearing, wondering if it was even hers.

“It’s mine.” Jonathan grinned, mussing her hair as any brother would.

“Tough luck. You may have one of my yoga pants.” She laughed and boxed him playfully, taking extra care not to upset his freshly healed injuries.

“Oh yes, please.” Lin begged, grabbing Jonathan’s mug and drinking deep from it.

So, Oak had been right, they couldn’t care less, Rita thought.

“We should get you a flat somewhere hereabouts, no?” Catherina then thought aloud, making a face, then sighing because that hurt her.

“I’ll call Cal and ask him.” Something in her voice was just a tad off.

“Oh, isn’t there something else you should tell your brother, huh?” Lin warned her sternly and she rolled her eyes at him.

Rita picked the vibe up and offered to call.

“Hello? Yes, this is Rita speaking. Your sister would like you to know that she was in what she calls “an unfortunate accident” yesterday. She also thinks it proper to rent a flat for me, even though that was not part of the contract and I do not want to abuse her kindness.” She spoke into the telephone, expecting Caleb to agree with her that she did not need or deserve a flat.

“WHAT KIND OF ACCIDENT???” Caleb shot back immediately.

“She flung herself of a dais to discourage a journalist…” whispers from the assembly, “a newspaper mogul from printing…quote utter bullshit unquote.” Rita conveyed what she was told, feeling just a tad ridiculous.

“Oh, that woman!” Caleb grunted. “I’ll look into the flat, any preferences?”

“No, no, I am quite…it’s really not necessary.” Rita stammered, but Oak gave her a thumbs up that made her roll her eyes.

“He took it well…” Rita turned to Catherina who, once again, rolled her eyes.

“He’ll be here tomorrow.” Jonathan laughed.

“He’ll be here tonight.” Elena corrected, “Angry as a beehive hit with a baseball bat.”

“I’ll go and get back to the papers.” Rita excused herself and fled to her little realm of peace and calm.

“We’ll be off, looking at that house as well. We’ll be back soon. You stay there, right there, okay?” Lin kissed Catherina on the cheek and, grabbing her chin, lifted her face so she would look right into his eyes.

“Love you, girl.” He smiled, kissing the tip of her nose which dispersed the gloomy expression on her face and made her smile as well.

“Be a good girl, yeah?” Jonathan added, caressing her hair and pressing her hand shortly.

“I shall.” She promised, but they hadn’t even left the footpath when she turned to Oak and asked to be brought up.

“Rita? I bring your boss.” Oak called through the stairwell, carrying up Catherina, followed by Elena carrying a small stool and a pack of ice.

Jumping up, Rita vacated her seat, but Catherina insisted on remaining in a standing position while Elena and Oak brought up a sofa from her bedroom.

When she was comfortably installed, her injured foot propped up and covered in ice, Catherina sighed contently and seemed to relax a bit.

“So, where are we?” She asked Rita.

Rita looked upon a folder she had compiled and handed it to Catherina who flipped through the pages, nodding from time to time.

The sheer number of investments and charitable donations had Rita led to believe that Catherina, like so many other wealthy people, was not fully aware of where her money went to in detail, but apparently, she was very much on top of her accounts and seemed unsurprised by every single one of those entries.

“Good.” Catherina nodded again, handing back the folder.

“Those are hefty donations…” Rita said quietly, looking at the folder again, waiting for Catherina to tell her to cancel some of them.

“How good are you at organising stuff?” Catherina asked instead.

“Depends, what do you need?” Rita replied, fiddling her thumbs, finding herself to be impatient to hear what new insanity this woman had planned out.

“You see, I had another house in NY before and we turned it into an orphanage. I’ll go there soon when Caleb comes here. And I thought, as Halloween is an all-American tradition, I might want to plan a little celebration for the kids? I’m sure Oak and the others will be happy to help you, they love a good party.

Yes, I am quite enamoured with that idea.”

Catherina toyed around with her phone for a few minutes and then said: “Lovely, you’ll have help for the concept and so on, please spend whatever you think necessary to make this an unforgettable experience for the kids.”

“Are you…” quite sure? Insane? Rita looked for the right word.

“I am adamant about it. OAK!” She screamed into the hall and a few seconds later the steps of the man sprinting up the stairs were heard.

“Oh, it’s perfect.” Jonathan sighed.

It was a lovely house, just big enough for the two of them and the kids when they stayed over, nothing to ludicrous, cosy but spacious.

The garden was sprawling and private, the rooms light and airy, the much-praised attic perfect for a studio and the cellar huge.

“It will be ready in a few weeks?” the estate agent, an attractive woman in her forties, whispered a tad too loudly.

“What do you say, darling?” Lin breathed into Jonathan’s ear, standing maybe just a tiny bit too close to the other man for a random friendship where one person accompanies the other to go check out a house.

“It’s wonderful, really, I think I’d be really happy here.” Jonathan laughed, nodding at the agent.

It was imprudent to buy a house without having seen anything else, but he could feel it and it was just down the street from Catherina and Elena and he could see the water, hear the water, almost feel it on the tip of his tongue.

He could be himself, he could have a real home here, with Lin, with Catherina, with the kids and maybe a dog?

Of course, they would have to travel for their job, but this could be their home, the only place that was really “home”, the one place they’d come back to.

“You have shown your friend an amazing object.” The agent lauded Lin and he smirked.

Let the poor woman believe that he was just a middleman who had hooked his “friend” up with a nice house in the Heights.

Little did she know that this huge, sun-bathed bedroom would be the place where he would seduce said friend and that this sprawling, green garden would be the ground in which their desperate sighs would fall and blossom.

Lin could also see it, they would get lovely curtains, paper-thin and featherlight, curtains that would blow in the breeze and caress their heated skin as they lay panting in Catherina’s father’s bed.

The old wood paired with some modern pieces of furniture, Catherina’s lovely collage of get-well-soon-cards on the opposite wall, a few of her drawings all over the house, the kids’ toys and forgotten socks, a life, in short, a whole life within these walls and so much love that it would soak into every square-inch of the place.

“So, what do you say?” The agent’s voice brought them back to reality.

“Let me know when I can move in, I’ll take it.” Jonathan replied, already lost and sold to the fantasy.

The agent had not imagined this to be that easy, but the white boy apparently didn’t even want to discuss the price or haggle it down.

She had the distinct feeling of having seen him before, but she saw so many people in her job, that she had stopped a long time ago trying to remember names and faces.

“You’ll be happy here.” She promised.  
“That I shall.” Jonathan agreed, grinning broadly at Lin and then turning back to window to walk just a minute longer in his dreamworld before it was time to go back to Catherina’s to have lunch.

What a life, he thought, feeling so happy he could have burst like a soap-bubble.

He would plant a garden, indeed, he would get some tips from Dolores and have a garden.

Lin stepped up behind him, asking what he was looking at so intently.

“There,” Jonathan pointed, “there, we’ll put a sandbox, the best sandbox ever and a swing set for the kids. Maybe, we could one day get a pool in the basement, who knows? In summer, we can have a kiddy pool for sure outside. And a garden. And a Hollywood-swing. And a wrought iron table.”

“We shall.” Lin sighed, resting his chin on Jonathan’s shoulder and laughing softly to himself. This was going to be just perfect.


	42. 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus..Sorry, I've grown lazy with posting...
> 
> Here's another warm, fuzzy home-chapter...
> 
> Enjoy <3

42

Rita had the distinct feeling that she knew things about her employer that her friends did not know.

For example, she had spent a good portion of her morning going over the plans of the school and talking to people about them on the phone.

There were some amazing schools for the arts already and Catherina wanted to contend with them in the long run.

“I’m 30, I have time.” She had smiled as she thumbed through some of the applications for various functions inside of the school.

Rita also knew that her ex-husband had made good on his promise and that the funds were secure, with donations pouring in from other big names in business.

“We went to school together.” Catherina had shrugged when Rita had made her aware of a considerable donation of a construction magnate who had holdings all over the world.

As she closed the door behind her now, watching as Oak carried Catherina downstairs, she allowed herself a moment of emotion, pressing her face against the cool wall to regain her composure before joining the others.

There were scholarships in their names.

Rita took a few deep breaths to dispel the feeling of having to cry out of sheer emotion.

Catherina had set up scholarships in their names, grants that would make them immortal if this school was to succeed and, Rita found with surprise, she desperately wanted this to succeed.

Her employer was no blue-eyed child or idealist, she knew exactly where systemic racism and discrimination stemmed from and she had decided to discreetly fight from within.

Too many institutions did a pre-selection, excluding some people from their chosen path before they could ever try to prove themselves and Catherina had decided to build valid alternatives to those institutions.

And up to now, success had proven her right at most turns. She had changed the way her own business was micro-managed and the numbers hadn’t stopped climbing since.

This school and the orphanage were her pet projects though, she wanted to change the future and in order to do so, she needed to give more kids a fair chance.

Since her epic speech, parts of which Oak had recounted her on their way to work, she had not slowed down, but her friends had no idea how far she had actually come.

As she stepped into the living room, she saw Jonathan casually brushing Lin’s hair.

Immediately, she took a step back, feeling like an intruder, like she stepped on a fragile, crystal bubble of happiness with her clumsy silliness.

“Oh hey, did she tire herself out?” Lin looked up, the brush being yanked out of Jonathan’s hand and dangling from his ever-growing hair.

He was a magnetic person, Rita thought, his dark eyes huge and curious, open and friendly as he regarded her with warmth and compassion.

“No.” She stammered, hoping she didn’t lie by ignorance, Catherina had looked fine to her.

Maybe she was freshening up just now, maybe Elena was changing her bandages. She didn’t know and she felt so out of place in a home full of love and friendship.

“Isn’t he cute?” Lin smiled, nodding in Jonathan’s direction and Rita surprised herself by nodding along.

Jonathan Groff was nothing if not cute, his slack jaw and his blushing cheeks after the compliment, the way his eyes twinkled with unashamed joy, his gentle movements as he retrieved the brush and went on pulling it through Lin’s hair.

How could she ever have been afraid of them?

“Hey girl.” Oak stepped up behind her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder, she flinched only a little, melting into a warm smile herself the moment after.

“Hey boy.” She replied with an easy contentment that surprised her even more.

The things she had seen and done since working for Catherina had changed her already.

A safe haven, that’s what her employer had created, a place without masks.

Here, people were running around barefoot, giggling, making jokes, being themselves.

Funny, she would have thought that people their age would be more serious, more composed, but maybe that was because she never got to see people their age at home.

Had her parents been like that? Before the worries? Before the crimes and the poverty?

Had there ever been a before?

Oak had told her that Catherina had not had a happy childhood despite all the money and Rita thanked the Lord for her parents and their never-ending love.

Toying with the hem of Oak’s shirt, she breathed in the warm, clean smell of his laundry, coming off from both her and his body and filling the room.

It was a familiar smell by now, a comforting smell and she smiled a little brighter.

The doorbell rang and Lin crunched up his face guiltily.

“Oh, you snitched?” Jonathan laughed, observing the slightest movement of Lin’s shoulders, guessing what went on in his mind without seeing his face.

Lin tried to nod, but the brush and Jon’s hand kept his head locked in place, so he just bobbed it slightly, which should have looked stupid but turned out surprisingly adorable.

With careless ease, Oak strode to the door and opened it.

“She’s in the kitchen, I think.” Rita heard him say, followed by kissing sounds.

Curious, she went out into the hall and saw two Latinas walking in, one much younger than the other, holding the hand of a young boy while the older woman held a toddler in her arms. They were carrying bags that looked heavy and sloshed with every step.

“’Nessa?” Lin hollered and the younger woman turned and came straight towards Rita, which made her slink back into the room.

“Rita, Catherina’s new and already overworked secretary meet Vanessa, my … ex-wife. Hey, buddy!” He greeted his son who jumped onto the couch and cuddled him shamelessly.

“Hello.” Rita said in a toneless voice, still perking her ears to catch what was going on in the rest of the house.

“How is she?” Vanessa asked, beckoning the boy with a single look.

“I guess she’s alright. She’s been working already.” Lin replied, smoothing his brushed hair with both his hands and pulling Jonathan with him as they all marched single file out of the room.

Catherina was nursing a cup of coffee and listened to Dolores talking about something.

The stove was cold and she wondered if Dolores had ordered food.

And then the doorbell rang. Catherina got an ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach, especially as she heard the door open and close only a few seconds later.   
Footsteps in the hall, a sound so familiar, the hushed voices of women.

As she turned around, she gasped and then screamed: “LIN-MANUEL! ELENA!”

Both waddled in like shamed schoolkids.

“You ratted me out to your mothers?” Catherina’s eyes twinkled with exasperation.

“Mine has called as well. She wants you to come to Pennsylvania. Get you into a horse cart and make sure you’re safe.” Jonathan shrugged.

“Et tu, Brute?” Catherina cried out, what were they thinking of?

Jonathan had to admit that for a moment, he had been tempted to bundle up Catherina and take her to his parent’s house where nothing like this happened, where she would be hidden from sight, where she could rest, but he knew that she wouldn’t go, so he had laughed at his mother’s offer, a slow, heartbroken laugh.

“Mum has cooked for you. Is it very bad?” Sebastian approached her, taking her hand in his tiny little fist and stroking it with the other one, a perfect copy of Lin’s efforts of solace that brought tears to Catherina’s eyes.

“No, it’s alright.” She lied, running her fingers through his hair and smiling.

“I’ll draw something for you that will cheer you up, okay?” He offered, taking off his tiny backpack and going to work immediately, his tongue stuck out in concentration as he started drawing furiously.

“That’s Lin’s mom and that’s Elena’s.” Oak whispered into Rita’s ear and she looked up at him with a questioning glance.

“Cat, she’s an orphan and apparently half of the community has decided to adopt her, so now, they come and cook food for her, cluck around her a bit and chase away the fear.”

Rita nodded. “My mom is just like that as well.” She chuckled.

It was true, if something like that had happened in her neighbourhood, her mother would also have gone and cooked food and sat with the injured girl, it was just the way things were done where she came from.

Very soon, warm smells wafted through the kitchen and the table was set in the living room where a lonely brush still sat, abandoned, on the couch.

“Don’t you glower at me like that.” Vanessa laughed as Catherina looked into the round with a mopey expression on her face.

“This is entirely unnecessary.” Catherina sighed, eating with _gusto_ nonetheless.

“Listen, _mija_ , this is the second time someone gets injured. I am worried about you.” Lulu said, throwing a quick glance at Elena, surprised that her own daughter hadn’t gotten into any trouble yet.

“This is completely different, I was reckless, I was not attacked.” Catherina waved away her concerns with a smile, feeling the woman’s worry and sorrow nonetheless and patting her hand over the table.

“I’ll be up and about in no time. I must, I have tons of work to do.” She continued, nodding at Rita who blushed as all eyes turned on her.

“DO YOU NOW?”

Catherina knew that tone, she also knew the look in 4 sets of motherly eyes, she was on very thin ice and in serious danger to be sent to her room without any dessert to “think about the things she did and said”.

“Halloween is coming up and I wanted to do something special for the kids at the orphanage. It is almost done and I thought maybe, we could open for Halloween and make it a welcome party. Maybe, that would be less drab?”

She bit her lip. Catherina had thought about this but she hadn’t thought it through.

Where she came from, Halloween was not a thing, it was the day leading up to a major Christian holiday where she had usually stood at the foot of graves and mausoleums.

“Oh, that’s a lovely idea. Are we invited?” Lin clapped his hands.

“No, you’re NOT! What the…there might be press…I cannot have you there.” Catherina said quickly, thinking of the shock of the poor children who were put in an orphanage just to be gawked at by even more people with cameras on account of the presence of some celebrities.

“Right, you’re right. But…we’ll help you prepare and then we’ll wait here for you to have a proper adult Halloween, alright?” Lin looked disappointed but he understood what she meant.

“I’ll come.” Elena said, her tone making it clear that she would not be dissuaded.

“There will be no cameras for me, but I will come, I will not let you, an orphan, go to the orphanage alone on a holiday. I will be there.” She steeled her voice so the pity and the hurt she felt inside wouldn’t translate.

Catherina would suffer, she knew it, and she needed to be there for her.

“If it is fine by you, I shall come as well. You should not be doing this alone.” Rita nodded, feeling instinctively that her employer would have tried to shoulder that weight on her own. For some reason, Rita could not accept that.

“Erm…Cat…” Oak scratched his head, the action making a crisp sound that now filled the too silent room.

“Yes, my boy?” She looked up…and up as he towered over her, even when sitting.

“I don’t know how familiar you are with Halloween, but…You’ll have to dress up.”

He grinned, imagining Catherina as a slutty nurse or a pumpkin.

“I have to…dress up?” Catherina was, of course, aware of that but she had forgotten that detail while thinking about food and heating and window isolation.

“Ooooh, you can dress up as a Mennonite?” Lin’s eyes sparkled like dark stars as he turned to Jonathan, grinning like a fool.

“Oh, yes, I will, if you come in a traditional Puerto Rican costume as well?” Jonathan shot back.


	43. 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took a while because I didn't feel like picking up my laptop the last few weeks.
> 
> Here's a new chapter...
> 
> Lots of love

43

Catherina’s eyes swept from one to the other and she shook her head.

“I think I’m gracefully bowing out of this one, lest I give Cat PTSD.” Oak laughed, but the idea was a funny one nonetheless.

“I do not mind that idea at all.” Elena laughed, picturing herself both in the traditional garb of her mother’s and of her father’s country.

“Oh, you’ll be giving me a heart attack.” Catherina sighed, but she had not worn traditional clothes since before her mother died and she wondered if it would feel strange to her to slip back into the heritage she had denied and hidden for so many years.

Caleb, she was sure, would look glorious in the traditional garments of his tribe, proud and handsome, his strong shoulders stretching the soft fabric and his high cheekbones catching the light of the dying sun.

“Lin is not being serious, I hope.” Jonathan laughed, but as he turned around, he saw that Lin was very serious indeed.

There was something about the idea of Jon in those severely cut clothes, the drab colours, the purity and the cleanliness of it. He had a good body for that kind of clothing as well, he was tall and broad.

“There are kids here. Pull yourself together.” Catherina hissed, earning nods from the mother brigade.

They ate in silence after that, every single person in the room switching their regular, boring, western shirts and jeans with the colourful garb of their culture inside their minds and probing the feeling this gave them.

Rita shuddered, since she had come to the States, she had done her utter best to play down her Mexican heritage, her being different and a potential enemy and intruder.

The older women were used to wearing traditional clothing often, so they did not see a major problem with it, even though they were also aware of the plastic sheets in which the girls clothes were tucked away in some wardrobe in the attic.

“Were you a cute child?” Sebastian asked Catherina, trying to imagine her, a woman who was a friend to him because they did drawings together and because there was always cake and dessert at her house.

“Ask Dolores to show you the pictures. I really couldn’t say.” Catherina laughed, shrugging.

It had been years since she’s last seen the pictures of her as a child, she would not even have known where to look for them if she wanted to, but she was sure that Dolores had an album somewhere and indeed, only minutes later, the old woman put three thick tomes on the kitchen table.

There they were, the signs and marks of her heritage.

The woollen blanket, expertly decorated, sewn by hand no doubt, the dark eyes in a tiny face, the smile of her mother.

God, she had almost forgotten the face of her mother.

“Is that…Cal?” Elena gasped, her finger hovering over the soft face of a small boy, his eyes focused on the bundle laying in his mother’s lap.

He looked happy, his face was open and friendly, naïve, so unlike the sharp-edged serious man they all knew and loved.

“Oh my God.” Elena sobbed, thinking about what life had done to him. At the moment this picture had been taken, his mother had been alive and he had lived with her and his beautiful baby sister.

“He was a good child.” Dolores sighed, it was her picture.

She remembered how she had spent one of her first wages ever on a camera and how she had taken pictures of the children and of the mistress.

How she missed that woman.

Flipping through the pages, they saw Catherina as a toddler, her brother always hovering around her, her careless smile as he spun her around until she was dizzy, her napping on an ornate rug while Cal played with toy cars.

Dolores hesitated before turning the next page, felt the dust and the stiffness of the paper, she rarely ever looked at the albums past this page.

“Go on.” Sebastian encouraged her, unaware of what was to follow and how it would affect the grown-ups bent over the open pages.

With a sigh, Dolores turned the page.

“Oh no.” Lin gasped, his mouth, his face, his eyes speaking volumes as tears collected at the corner of his eyes.

Catherina, standing alone, wearing a black dress and a solemn expression on her face.

The posture, the way she held her head, the calm line of her mouth, it was all so familiar and so heartbreakingly inappropriate in a child so young.

“Oh Cal.” Catherina whispered tonelessly as her eyes wandered down the page.

So, Rita thought, this is the exact moment when the man who had interviewed her had been born. She had not recognized the smiling boy, running wild in a garden of sorts, but she sure recognized this person. He was exactly the same just smaller, the straight shoulders and the closed look in his eyes were eerily unchanged after all of these years.

“Why are you so sad?” Sebastian took Catherina’s hand, as if he could travel back in time and undo the hurt he so clearly saw in her childish eyes.

“My mother had just died and I had no friends. This is what I looked like when I was your age.” Catherina tried to smile as hard as she could, but she wasn’t sure that she succeeded.

“I would have been your friend.” Sebastian leaned his head against her shoulder and Catherina tried to let this feeling flow into the picture.

If only I could tell my younger self that another world is out there, that she has to be brave and fight on, that she, just as she is in this moment, has a friend, only it would take another 25 years to find him.

“Thank you.” She kissed his head and he let it slide on account of the sadness that weighed like smoke on the room.

More pictures followed, Catherina on her first day of primary school, of high school, of college, birthday parties and graduations.

It was the same stony face, the same demure smile, the same fear in her eyes.

“This one, I love.” Dolores commented and pulled a snapshot from behind a random graduation picture.

It was a bit blurry, but it showed Elena, her hair a mess and her long legs in tiny shorts sitting in a tree with Catherina beneath it, looking up.

And Catherina was smiling.

In this picture, there was the ghost of the laughing toddler from a few pages ago, she was actually smiling, her eyes alight in her round face as she listened to Elena telling a random story.

“Almost broke my neck taking it, I was leaning out of the window.” Dolores chuckled, but she remembered how she had felt seeing that smile, how her heart had skipped a beat.

Rita shivered, there had been no dances and feasts in Catherina’s childhood, there had been uniforms and lovely dresses and this terribly sad smile.

“That other smile haunts me, you know? Ever since I saw it on the painting in your father’s room. It haunts me.” Jonathan mused in a low voice.

“It made you cry, I remember.” Lin chimed in, remembering how he had first told Jonathan that he loved him in so many words in front of that awful painting.

“Oh no, don’t cry. I’m alright.” Catherina stretched out her hand to him, desperate to comfort him when she was the one in need of comfort.

“This one”, Elena tapped the blurry snapshot, “I’ve lived for that smile, chased it like a junkie chases a high. Hamilton gave her that smile. You talking about Jonathan gave her that smile. Greeting Oak by name gave her that smile. There’s been a lot of those smiles in the recent past and God, I wish I could see that smile forever.”

It was true, Catherina drawing with Sebastian, Catherina looking up from cooking to find her friends in the room, Catherina listening to Lin fiddle with notes or to Jonathan hum a song, Catherina lying in bed under her, Catherina smiling with her eyes and with her heart, that was all Elena needed for it to be a good day.

“She was terrified of me.” Oak laughed in Rita’s direction.

“You’re very tall.” Rita nodded wisely.

“I am pitch-black more like it.” He replied without malice or anger.

“Oh Oak…” Catherina cried out, but he shook his head.

“You were scared, I could tell, but you were always nice and polite to me and I’ve won you over, haven’t I?” He chuckled.

“I love you. I do. I’m sorry.” Catherina stammered and tapped the picture of herself despondently. It had been a long way from this kid to the woman she was now.

She could see the fear in her own eyes, she had been frightened of her father, frightened never to see Cal or Elena again, frightened of immigrants, frightened of poor people, frightened of being bisexual because her father had told her that it was good and righteous that the Nazis had gassed all of “those people”, she had been terrified of life.

Looking around herself, she had to admit that life was indeed quite frightening, it was unpredictable and it had a way of surprising you time and time again, but she loved her life now and would not have traded it for any measure of real or imagined safety.

“Will they hang a picture of you in the orphanage?” Elena asked Catherina.

“Not if I can prevent it.” Came the sharp answer, but Catherina was almost sure that she would not be able to prevent it, because that was just the way things went.

“They should hang a picture of you as a child, not a terribly sad one, but a good one. So the kids can see that we all started out as children.” Elena mused.

“I’ll give you one of Lin, if you want.” Lin’s mom laughed.

“Call my mom, she’ll send you one of mine as well.” Jonathan nodded, to which Oak added “Ditto.”.

Rita decided that she would do just that, sending a discreet message to Cal to ask him about his opinion.

“Your brother is on his way and he thinks that you should do a shoutout to all of your famous friends to send you a picture of them as children.”

Catherina thought about it for a moment and then nodded to Rita: “Put the word out, whoever wants to participate in this, is very welcome. You’re right my love, let’s show those kids that at some point even the richest and most famous people were little buggers afraid of the dark and of monsters.”

Show them that this is not the end, Catherina thought, feeling the shadow of her father’s disapproval pass over her and letting it wash away like water off a duck’s back.

After lunch, as the women were cleaning up the kitchen and Catherina was bombarded with responses from friends and allies, Lin beckoned Oak discreetly into their room.

“What’s the game-plan, gents?” Oak asked with his easy grace, sure that Lin had a plan.

“We’ll disguise ourselves.” Lin whispered in a conspiratorial tone.

They were actors, disguises were their livelihood, but Oak was not sure how any of their costumes would hide their identities.

“We’ll get those huge animal costumes.” Jonathan piped up suddenly and Lin broke into a dazzling smile that infected the whole room.

“I’m sure Catherina will not at all call the cops when 3 pigs crash her party.” Oak laughed.

“PIGS???? Who was talking about pigs? Damn, dude.” Lin giggled, dropping to his knees to look for his laptop under the bed, under the settee and under the piles of clothes randomly cropping up throughout the room.

“Of course as soon as she sees us, she’ll know that it’s us. We have to be there though, don’t you agree? We cannot leave her alone in this? We cannot leave Elena and Rita alone either. Who knows what Catherina does if she breaks?”

Worry crept into Jonathan’s voice, shared and reflected by the two other men.

“We will be there.” Oak said decisively, smiling in a wicked manner that would make his mother roll her eyes in despair.

So, they shook hands on it, ordered costumes and set Oak’s address to be the place where they’d be delivered in order to surprise all of the others.

“No word to the women?” Lin’s eyes sparkled with the planned mischief.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'm always happy to see that someone has read this :)


End file.
